The College Experience

The college experience.

"Congratulations, the University of Cincinnati welcome's you to the class of 2000..." I read aloud. To be honest I Didn't think I would get in, I wasn't a great student in high school, but here I am reading my acceptance letter to my folks with all the details.

Actually, I got into three of my target schools, Cincinnati was just always the one that made the most sense to me. Far enough away from home, big city and fun things to do.

Okay, well before I get to far along the journey, let me take a step back for some context, welcome to my senior year of high school, I'm Jake, a kid from Northeast Ohio who grew up in a mostly conservative town in the 80s and 90s. Played sports, drank beer, and smoked cigarettes, big shocker right?

I can honestly say I spent way too much time everyday trying to convince girls to make out in the back of my little S-10 pickup truck, while avoiding high school responsibilities and the job I had bussing tables. As most midwestern kids do, you muddle through high school and find some path to becoming an adult, for me the expected path was the local plumber's union, my dad, his dad, you get the picture, but my older brother got out and I wanted the chance to find my own way too. Unsure of what my path might look like, I decided business school was a way for me to get out of the small town and a kick start all the experiences I've dreamt about.

I had read plenty of books, short stories, and seen my fair share of movies about the college experience, and I mean what kid who grew up in the 80s hasn't seen Animal House at least once? I expected sex, drugs and maybe a class or two, fraternity parties with sorority girls, and plenty of trouble in the dorms. When I decided Cincinnati was the right school, I have to admit one of the primary factors in my decision was option for co-ed dorms.

So now that you know a little back story, let's head back to the summer between high school and college. I'm thrilled to have been accepted, as I mentioned I wasn't a great student to this point in my life, but I knew the best was ahead of me and I had a chance to carve my own path.

On move in day, I met my roommates, three other guys, and we all shared an apartment like dorm. We had a shared kitchen and living space and two bedrooms with bunkbeds. The whole floor shared a bathroom at the end of the hall, but I'd guess if you went to college in the 90s or 2000s, you're experience was about the same. The great thing about our building was floors were mixed, so just across the hall the was another apartment with four girls, a young man's dream, right? Once we got settled, first priority was...who has a fake ID, and whose room was the party going to be in?

After a few weeks of normal freshman fun and some way too early 101 classes, a group of us on the floor got invited to a fraternity party. Phi, Gamma, something. We decided to go as a group, since none of us really had many friends to rely on.

Seven or eight of us attended that night, and before I knew it, it was 3am and I wasn't looking to walk back to the dorms alone. I wrangled up a few neighbors, and a girl, Olena, who lived down the hall. Looking back, I had ulterior motives, I was flirting and dancing with her all night and I felt like we had a connection. I admittedly didn't think it was a good idea for her to see me in drunken haze walking back home, but I also didn't want to leave her behind, so I took a chance. We made it back to the dorm and one by one all the friends dissipated back to their rooms. Olena spent an a few extra minutes laughing with me and making sure I was okay.

Side bar to the story, Olena was from the Ukraine, and a bit older than your average freshman, she spent two years in the military before coming to the U.S. for college.

She liked to laugh at us immature boys for how easy we let ourselves get out of control. She and I laughed and flirted a bit before she put me to bed with a kiss. Woke up the next day with a bit of a hangover and a big crush.

Like any warm-blooded college student would, every time I saw Olena after that night I'd try to find reasons for us to spend time together, even realized we were in the same English 101 lecture and didn't even know it. We flirted a lot over the next month or so, studying together, going to parties and the occasional group date.

Five of us became close, spending a lot of time together. Myself, Olena, Mitchell and Angela, who were sleeping together, and Joshua. Joshua sometimes felt, and acted like a fifth wheel, but Olena made him feel included and she loved to make him laugh. He wasn't shy about wanting to be around us, even if the rest of us didn't always make him feel like he was part of the crew.

One night after a group date, Olena and I ended up alone, and making out in her room and I finally got up the courage to ask her out on a real date, just the two of us. She agreed and we made plans to grab dinner. It was a big deal for me, sure I dated a lot in high school, had a few long-term girlfriends even and my share of fun, but this seemed like an adult date, and I was really nervous.

A few days past, and I was increasingly more and more nervous about our date, panicked about almost everything, I couldn't help but think, something might go wrong, I played a lot of the what if game. But Friday continued to approach, and she kept telling me she was excited for some time alone with me. I guess in hindsight, I should have realized her excitement was proof that my nerves were unwarranted.

I made reservations at a "nice" Italian place and planned to get a friend grab a bottle of wine for us to share before we went out. it was fall in Ohio, so we both were dressed in our favorite sweaters, she in a skirt and me in jeans. We had a glass or two of wine and walked to the restaurant to make our reservation. Dinner was awesome, we laughed a lot, and we flirted, we talked about who we were, and how we ended up in business school.

I was beaming after dinner, I thought this couldn't have gone any better, she's great and I'm seeing my crush turn into something more. We slowly made our way back to the dorms, and we continued to laugh and enjoy the brisk night air. Once we returned back to her place, we finished the bottle of wine, and maybe another drink or two before things started to get physical.

We kissed for a while, touched each other gently, and progressed on to her bed. Her roommate was out of town for the weekend, so we had the place to ourselves, so we took our time. I would love to say the sex was epic, and I was a stallion, but I was a normal kid for the Midwest and I'm going to guess it wasn't her most memorable experience, but we enjoyed the time, and we enjoyed each other.

After some time had passed, we laid naked in each other's arms, and I told her I really liked her and that I was hoping that we could spend more time just the two of us, to be honest, I was really hoping that she'd want to be my girlfriend.

So, if you have been waiting for a twist in the story, this is where it starts. After my comment, she sat up in bed and asked, "Are you committed to wanting a traditional relationship?"

Hello, yeah, dumb "normal" kid here, of course I am, but I didn't really know of anything else. Now remember I'm in a very relaxed state, coming down from sex and a fun dinner, so I say the first thing that comes into my head that won't scare her away. "NOPE, I'm open to lots of things." I said in a panic.

It came out with such confidence, I think I even believed it myself. Turns out our friend Joshua was also interested in Olena, he had asked her out too, and they had plans for their first date the following night.

I wasn't completely shocked, I saw how he looked at her and could only assume it was the same half gawking, and half lust look that was on my face half the time. But I was a bit jealous and wasn't sure where she was going with her question now.

I mentioned earlier that Olena had spent two years in the military before coming to the U.S. for school, she hadn't seen much combat, women only began to serve in 1993, but she talked fondly of her experience and what she learned from it. She told me that the one lesson she'll never forget, was to enjoy life while you can, explore who you are as much as why we exist, and never let anyone tell you what you can or can't do. She talked about the discrimination she experienced and being held back because she was a woman, and that all of her female peers also experienced similar discrimination no matter their ability.

My first thought was...Wow, she's insightful and a little bit dark, she's been through a lot more than I have.

I realized quickly she was telling me this because she liked to be in control, and she didn't want to lead me on, she had other plans for us, and she wanted me to understand her point of view before she asked. She looked me in the eye and said, "Have you ever considered being with multiple people at once? Specifically, another man?"

I was floored, shocked and in the moment very unsure of myself and what she was really asking, so I thought I collected myself and took a deep breath, but the only thing I could blurt out was, "What?" and looked at her in complete shock! She laughed, and quickly said in response, "I didn't mean to scare you, just curious if you'd be open to something non-conventional."

She said she could see I was sensitive and didn't judge, so she was hoping, if Joshua was also okay with it, might we try to enjoy a date with the three of us together. I'm not sure how other people would tend react in a situation like this, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be flattered, offended, or excited by the proposal, but I told her I just wasn't sure. I needed time to think, and I needed to understand what it all meant. I told her I'd consider it, mainly because I liked her a lot and we just had sex, but I wasn't sure if I was capable of a decision like that at this point of my life.

The weekend passed without any conversation. I spent a lot of time thinking to myself and to be honest I had not seen either Olena or Joshua since she proposed her idea, and I'm not sure I was ready to see them. I knew they went out Saturday night, but I was out with friends myself and had no idea how things went, or if she even talked to him. What I did know was the more time I spent thinking about her, and what she said the more time I fantasized about the idea of her suggestions.

Still unsure if I wanted to experiment, I'd had to this point in my life fantasized about a menage a trois with two women, but I had never considered being in a threesome with another man. I was probably the same amount of curious about my sexuality as most young men, unsure of just about everything, but curious about ideas and people.

I grew up with all kinds of people in my life and had interacted with gay friends and family often, so the idea wasn't taboo for me. I started to consider my response, trying to figure out what I'd say and how I might react. Frightened she was avoiding me because of how I initially reacted, I hoped she was just giving me space to think, I expected some type of response, and yet I wasn't sure what that meant for me.

Monday after class, I walked back to the dorm and was fully focused on midterms, oblivious to my surroundings. When I go to the door, I looked up to see Joshua holding the door open for me. I blushed and said, "thanks" and he responded with a very normal "Good to see you, how was class?"

A mostly a normal conversation to most, but he and I never talked about class, so I knew he was trying to make small talk. We entered the elevator and started heading up when I asked, "how was your date with Olena Saturday?" I couldn't take it much longer, and I wanted more than anything in the moment for him to say it didn't go well, but he responded with, "It was really good, we had a lot of fun. She told me you two had a great time too."

He looked down at the floor, and I could see his face turning red, in that moment, I knew she talked to him, and I knew he was feeling some of the same embarrassment and trepidation as I was. He got off the elevator and we went our separate ways. It's interesting, but in that moment, I felt okay, I felt he was okay too, and I decided that I was going to tell Olena what I was feeling and that I was open to spending some time just the three of us. It might be my first and only time to experiment, and everyone should have a few exciting firsts in their life, right?

After a few days, a mild panic attack, and constantly feeling like my heart was going to burst from my chest, I used a few shots of Jägermeister to muster enough courage to tell her what I was thinking. I pulled Olena aside, asked her to speak privately and just came out with it. I asked, "so how was your date with Joshua?" She was shy about it, and said, "A lot like my date with you!"

I wanted details, not sure why, or even sure if they would help or hurt, "did you have sex?" I said. She responded, "do you really want to know?"

We went back and forth for a bit, but I finally got to the real question, "did you ask him about what we talked about?" at this point I'm a little fuzzy on her response, I may have only heard what I wanted to, but she told me she talked to him, and he was unsure too. She asked if I had had time to consider it and if I was feeling one way or another. I was honest, said I was a little taken back, and was a little unsure, but I liked her, and I wanted to be open to what she wanted. She smiled, big and wide and said, "Maybe you should ask Joshua out for the two of us, I bet he'll let you know quickly if he's into it too."

To this point in my life, I was mostly successful when asking girls out on dates, I was good enough looking and mostly charismatic, but I had never felt so anxious in my life. I saw her excitement, and I knew she thought if I asked him that he'd know I was okay with it and then it was solely on him to decide.

The rest of the night was fun, the whole floor was having a good time, and we spent most of the night laughing, playing board games, sneaking into rooms to smoke pot and a drink here and there. As the night wound down, I noticed Joshua get up to go to the rest room, I felt good, and had some confidence, so I decided to give him a minute then go into the hall and see if I might catch him alone as he returned.

As I got up, I caught Olena looking at me, she flashed that big smile I liked so much and attempted to wink. I laughed and made my way out of the room. The hall was empty, and I tried to make it seem like I was on my way to the rest room when I heard the door open. My heart was pounding, and my palms were sweating, and when I saw him, I felt so afraid of what he might say.

I looked at him and in my most awkward voice, said, "hey, ahh, what's up, soooo sounds like we both had a connection with Olena, maybe we should all go out and have some fun." He just looked at me and laughed, his response was so funny, "You okay Elmer Fudd?" he giggled out.

I broke down and probably turned five shades of red. We had a good laugh, we relaxed, and he finally said, "So is this your version of asking me out?"

The cat's now out of the bag, and I'm nervously waiting for him to respond. After what seemed like hours, finally he said, "Yeah I think we should plan something soon"

He smiled and started down the hall, my heart finally rested, and I followed him back to the party. As I entered back into the room, I saw Joshua sit next to Olena and whisper in her ear, she smiled wide and hugged him, I couldn't help but think they planned this from the start, and I was the one they were trying to convince verses the other way around.

We made a date, the following weekend we'd go to the movies, have some dinner, and enjoy some time together. I had never been so excited, and nervous in the same one moment in my life. The whole week was a wash, midterm exams, the weather was turning cold, and I wasn't sure what was happening around me!

Friday came fast, and we decided to go see the new Tom Hanks movie, "That thing you do." After the movie we grabbed a pizza, and yes anyone from Cincinnati...it was a Bearcat. After dinner we headed back to the dorms to drink a few beers and hang out.

We really had fun, I remember now all the laughing and smiling, Olena had a way about her that could get just about anyone to laugh so hard it made you want to pee your pants. Olena's roommate Angela was staying at her boyfriend Mitchell's place, she went to his dorm every weekend, so we had some privacy.

After a bit I went to use the restroom and came back to Joshua and Olena in a dark room lit with only a few candles, they were kissing, and I was jealous.

I wasn't sure what to do! We had a great night, I was really enjoying them, but we didn't talk about anything physical or sexual. I closed the door, sat down in her chair across the small room and just watched them kissing for a minute. I assumed if I wasn't going to be welcomed, they would ask me to leave. Thankfully that isn't what happened. After some time, Olena stood up, walked over to me, sat across my legs, and started kissing me.

I remember peeking through a half open eye to see Joshua watching us and could tell he was enjoying it as much as Olena and I. After a few minutes, she stood up, grabbed my hand, and pulled me over to the bed where Joshua was sitting, for the next few hours we all shared kisses back and forth, we stayed mostly clothed, but we found ourselves touching each other between kisses.

It was a night of first for me, my first kiss from a man, the first time I touched another man's penis, and the first time I had another man's hand down my pants. We spent the better part of three hours kissing and touching each other before Olena said we should go to bed, although none of us really wanted to do that. In hindsight, she was right, we had fun, we enjoyed each other, and we connected, all of us needed time to understand what that all meant, and if we progressed to anything more in this moment, we might not all be okay after.

I woke up the next day in a haze, unsure of just about all the things I've ever experienced, and I had a lot of questions about myself and my sexuality. I guess that most people wake up the day after their first experience like this to an avalanche of unanswered questions. I also went through a roller-coaster of emotions, what did this mean? Did I want to experience more? Was I capable of something serious with a man and a woman? Was I bi, gay, or something in between?

The good news is I had two other people feeling similar things and we all agreed to talk the next day over coffee. I quickly got up, took a shower, and got ready. I met both Joshua and Olena in the lobby at nine and we walked to the student cafeteria for breakfast and coffee. It was a quiet walk for the most part, until Olena jokingly asked both of us if we jerked off when we got home the previous night. We both quickly and emphatically said, "NO!"

But I know I lied, and was fairly sure Joshua did too. The good news was she broke the ice, and we started to feel comfortable around each other again. We each got a bagel and coffee and found a mostly secluded corner of the dining hall to sit and talk.

As I look back and think about the beginning of this relationship I contemplate if she had a similar experience before, to know we should stop before we went too far the first night, and to convince us to all talk the next day. I can honestly say now that these experiences made me feel so comfortable and trusting with them, it was never awkward or embarrassing. We spent some time just talking, expressing ourselves and our feelings. Talking about the questions we had of ourselves and of each other.

It was honestly a really nice way to be sure we all were okay. Olena knew it was my first time doing anything like this, and I learned later that it wasn't Joshua's first time being with a guy, but he was learning about healthy relationships too. we asked each other the questions we needed to answer, we all did our bests to be open and honest, and we left that morning all agreeing to have dinner that night and to continue to talk and express ourselves.