It was Saturday afternoon and I was bored.
My friends were mostly away at University, there was no football to go to and there was nothing else to do so in true nineteen-year-old style, I was sitting in an old armchair in the shed at the end of the garden, filling the time having a slow smoke and a beer stolen from my Dad's fridge.
Bored! Bored! Bored!
Even Dad and my Stepmom were away overnight at a birthday party so I wouldn't even get my dinner cooked for me or chat to them over a movie on DVD.
I was supposed to be spending the day at a theme park with my girlfriend Cindy followed by sleeping over at her house. Her parents were away and I had fully expected to get into her knickers big-time that night but of course we'd had a mega-row that very morning and, for the moment at least, the day trip was off, the sleepover cancelled and I was dumped!
My 'crime' had been paying too much attention to Becky Gleeson in McDonalds after college, a crime of which I have to confess I was very guilty but which sadly had led to nothing.
How could I have been so stupid?
The bust-up had been horrible. I had cycled to Cindy's house early that morning so we could use her parents' SUV for the trip but when I arrived there I found her spitting fire from the moment she opened the door. Her so-called friends had seen my failed attempt at seducing Becky and had reported it to Cindy with apparent glee.
And of course the seduction had been doomed to failure from the start!
Becky was a really hot girl but was the biggest cock-teaser in college despite flirting outrageously with the better-looking boys, which of course included me. As star footballer I had certainly had more than my fair share of the girls at school but now I was in college and had a steady girlfriend I was supposed to be calming down. Cindy and I had even bought each other thin gold necklaces with our initials on which made our relationship much more 'official'.
We were even on Facebook as 'in a relationship' and you don't get more official than that, so why-oh-why had I been so stupid?
In a way I had calmed down a bit; Cindy was everything I could sensibly have wanted but I wasn't sensible and Becky was different. Becky was a challenge; Becky was the last unclimbed sexual mountain because, as far as we knew, no-one had got anywhere with her at all; not even as far as fingering her.
She might still be a virgin for all I knew and I had wanted to score that cherry so badly!
But why-oh-fucking-why had I thought she would have changed in only a couple of months? Why had I been stupid enough to think that things would be different this time? Why had I imagined that she would jump into bed with me when we weren't even dating and she'd resisted all her previous would-be seducers!
Why had I got myself dumped by Cindy, the second-hottest-girl in the whole college, my 'official' girlfriend and the girl who would most definitely have let me fuck her that very night?
I took a long drag on my cigarette and blew a smoke ring into the air as I fingered the letter 'C' on the chain round my neck.
The truth was that I was both stupid and conceited. In my defence, I really was pretty fit myself, tall, dark haired and maybe even on my way to being a pro-footballer. I worked out five times a week too so had a good physique that had got my own cherry taken at an early age by one of the more predatory older cheerleaders.
I stared at the ceiling, inhaled again and chuckled. My own cherry!
My own virginity had actually been lost in that very shed. What was her name? Susie! What happened to her? She had done the rounds of the teams, collecting cherries like I used to collect football cards. She had been kind and understanding and I had been lucky to meet her when I did.
Not long after she had got pregnant by mistake - not by me - and got fat. What a tragedy!
There had been a couple more triumphs in that shed, I thought, taking another long swig of beer. Originally a playhouse for my older stepsister Lisa, the shed had fallen into disuse but not disrepair and as a den for a group of lads and the occasional gullible girlfriend it had served well.
I had first fingered Cindy in the very chair in which I was now slouching, not so very long ago if truth be told. Cindy had made me work hard to win her affection and had made me wait impatiently a full six months before surrendering her virginity.
That had been a wonderful afternoon, in her house, in her room, on her bed. She had cried and I had been as sensitive as a teenage boy could be but I had left the house that evening feeling ten feet tall. We had fucked many times since then but that one was the best!
Our bust-ups were rare but emotional. I was confident - well, nearly confident - that I would be able to win Cindy back eventually but for the moment it looked like I would be spending Saturday afternoon and, worse, Saturday night on my own.
I was pissed off.
Pissed off with Becky for being a cock-teaser.
Pissed off with Cindy for dumping me.
Pissed off with myself for being greedy and stupid.
Now, instead of fucking Cindy, I would be spending Saturday night alone with only my own right hand and a stolen beer or two to relieve the frustration. Worst of all, deep down I knew there was no-one to blame but myself.
For a while I wallowed in self-pity and self-loathing but after a while I heard a car draw up into the driveway. Who could that be? They were all supposed to be away.
I looked through the window to see my Stepsister Lisa's car next to the house, its doors open. A tall, gawky boy a couple of years older than me was carrying a cardboard box from the back seat and in through the kitchen door. A moment later, an equally skinny blonde girl in a frumpy, old-fashioned skirt and baggy blouse came out and closed the car doors behind him.
"Shit!" I mumbled under my breath, "the Stick Insects!"
As if being alone wasn't enough, now I would have to spend the evening watching the great Christian love-in on the couch. They would resent my presence; I already resented theirs so the evening would be a wash-out.
Lisa, my squeaky clean, churchgoing, virginal older Stepsister, wouldn't even let me get away with drinking Dad's beers and as for that geek fiancΓ© of hers, Bobby... aagh!
Why were they home anyway? The two skinny love-birds were supposed to be at a friend's house for a party ninety miles away.
The day was just getting better and better... Not!