If you skipped Part I, the only tidbit of truth in this tale is I once went camping with a girlfriend and her sister. There is no sister-sister incest or FMF action in either part.
In Part 1, after an intense summer of firsts Claire breaks up with our hero over Christmas break.
LarryInSeattle took a first stab at editing. I changed a few sections after he returned it. Any remaining errors are mine alone.
As always comments are welcome, even negative ones if they are constructive.
Everyone depicted in the story is over 18.
Enjoy.
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At first I fell back into my be-a-nice-understanding-supportive-guy mode. Underneath that was the more truthful she-was-never-going-to-pick-you insecurity mode.
A went back to school seriously depressed for the first time in my life. Then one night I got pissed. Fuck this. My roommate had gone out with bunch to one of the local watering holes. I shoved everything off my desk, scrounged through my desk for my stash of laundry quarters (I washed my stuff in the bathroom sink the rest of the month) and stomped down to one of the pay phones.
There was a door on the phone booth but there was no way for it to contain my ravings. I had never raised my voice to Claire. I made up for it that night. I told her that just because I didn't mope around writing hackneyed poems or sending her cassette tapes of myself moaning some bullshit love song to her, it didn't mean I didn't love her and if she couldn't figure that out without needing space "to grow" she wasn't as smart as I had thought. She was crying by the end and I almost felt bad. I shouted good-bye and hung up.
I went back to my room, stripped off my clothes, and dropped them in a heap by my bed. I flopped on my back and started pounding my dick so hard it hurt my balls. It most have really hurt because I never got hard, never came close to cumming. Instead, I rolled over pressed my face against the wall and fell asleep telling myself I was a total and complete fucking pussy if I cried.
I feel asleep on top of the covers and woke to my roommate asking me what the fuck was going on. A rational person would have understood his confusion. I, a guy who took his underwear off under a wrapped towel before heading to the shower, was lying naked on top of the bed. On top of that, my books, papers, and pens were strewn across the floor. A rational person would have understood his confusion. I on the other hand simply yelled at the top of my lungs.
"What the fuck do you want?? Forget your fucking toothbrush again??"
I had convinced myself, in the time it took me to wake up, that if he hadn't interrupted us after the Christmas party, Claire wouldn't have broken up with me. It was a stupid idea. He had no clue what the fuck I was screaming about and simply watched slack jawed as I jerked on my pants and tee shirt and stomped out bare footed. I didn't get very far. January in Illinois is not bare foot weather. I ended up in the main dorm lounge. I planned to watch TV and sleep out there but all that was on were old horror films. I found myself obsessing over remembering what stupid movie was playing on the TV that night in Claire's basement. How could I claim to love her if I couldn't remember what movie was on TV? If it was real love, wouldn't I remember every single thing about that night?
I turned the TV off but still couldn't sleep. It was freezing and I didn't have a blanket.
My roommate, left the door propped open for me. He must have known I didn't have my key. He didn't say a word when I skulked back into our room. I climbed under the covers, fully clothed this time, and though I had not expected to, I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
The next day, Saturday, I picked up my shit and put it back on my desk. My roommate never asked a single question. Of course, he didn't need to. By noon, two different guys had trooped down to our room to tell me Claire was on the phone. Both times I told them to tell her I wasn't in. He didn't needed to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out what was up.
By Sunday I had calmed down enough to write her. I still didn't want to talk to her. I apologized for yelling and making her cry but not for what I had said. What I had said was the truth, at least as I saw it.
I still have her letters. And my replies. Claire sent to them to me a few years later. If we had dated today the letters would have been text messages. Claire replied to my letter and off we went. It is probably too late for brevity but the Twitter version would look something like this:
Claire to me -- "I never wanted to hurt you but I am surprised at your outburst. I've never been sure if you really meant the things you said to me. You seemed so self-contained, almost aloof, as if it didn't matter if I was there or not. It was hard for me to believe you were really be in love with me. I was scared."
Me to Claire -- "You're scared? Welcome to the fucking world. If you need a badly rhymed poem in order to believe me when I say I love you, you are shit out of luck."
Claire to, oh fuck it you get the idea, - "That's not what I meant."
"Oh? Then what did you mean?"
"Why are you so angry?"
"Because you dumped me. Think that might have something to do with it?"
"I didn't dump you. I told you I need time to clear my head."
"Try Vick's Vapor Rub, works for me."
"Why are you being so mean?"
"Because I'm pissed. PS let me save you a stamp. I'm pissed because you dumped me."
"No, I didn't."
"What do you call 'I don't see us having a future together' then?"
"I said I couldn't see us having a future together right then, not forever."
"Way to parse a sentence. I thought you were going to nursing school not law school. Do you have a time frame for how often I should check to see where our future stands? Did you tell Mr. Poetry the same thing? Are you seeing him?"
"No I am not seeing him! Not that that is any of your business. Jerk."
"Really? Not my business? I tell you I love you, you say it back, you do remember that part don't you? Then you say you need time to decide if Mr. Poetry is out of your life and that is not any of my business?"
By that point we had corresponded our way through most of February.
"Can you give me a ride home for spring break?"
"Not if you're still seeing Mr. Poetry. What would be the point Claire?"