This is based in fact. I've changed a few things, both to make it less clearly identifiable for all involved and also to smooth the story out a bit, since life is never as simple as we'd like. So I took out some of the more convoluted teen dopiness that we all (or me, at least!) engaged in.
*
When I was in middle school, we all were a bundle of raging hormones. I know, everybody is at that age. Some of the guys claimed to be getting laid, but we all know guys lie. Still, some probably were. I was good looking enough to get interest from some of the other kids, but that was all girls. I wanted to want that, but my heart wasn't in it. On the other hand, some of the guys got my heart beating faster. There were a few out gay guys, but none of them caught my eye. Also, I was still a closet case at that point.
I kept wanting to like girls. I wanted to be a regular guy. I went through the same dumb thoughts lots of guys do when they deny who they are—if I just find the right girl, a pretty girl, a special girl. But when I was alone and jerked off, that didn't do it. I tried thinking of what I'd do with a girl, how good it would feel when I was like one of those guys I saw in porn online. But as I stroked, my mind always wandered to some guys I knew. And then I came hard, only to feel guilty after I was done.
That was my life back then, until we moved on to high school. The high school was a larger school, and our class there was a combination of kids from my middle school and the other middle school in our district. I met him the first day of homeroom. His name was Todd, and I'm not going to be able to do him justice with my words.
The first time I saw him, my breath caught in my throat. He was stunning. You know how you sometimes look back at a high school crush and wonder what you thought was so hot? Yeah, not this time. Back then, I thought he was a god, and when I occasionally glance at old high school photos now, I have the same reaction. A vision of human beauty! Todd was a little taller than me (5'11" versus my 5'8"). He had beautiful blond hair and a lithe, muscular body. He also had blue eyes that were mesmerizing. I've never seen hotter eyes in my life! He was a soccer player, and he had that classic build. On top of all that, he was nice. Not the arrogance I'd unfortunately come to expect from a blond stud but just warm and friendly.
We spent the first couple of years just being casual friends. Not close but still friendly. And he drove me nuts, although I wasn't sure at the time if he knew it. He'd sometimes wear these cutoff shirts that showed off his abs, and he had these lace-up shorts that looked like they had a built-in cup in front and hugged his beautiful ass in the back. I'm probably not descrining any of that right—there's probably a name for such shorts—but I never was a jock. All I know is that he drove me wild. In hindsight, I would be more surprised that one of my classmates didn't catch me staring except that I'm sure they were too busy staring at him, too.
By the time we all were 18, I'd be spending plenty of time moaning, "Oh, Todd!" as I jerked off and shot load after load onto my chest or down the drain in the shower, but that's also about the time that I realized something was going on between him and one of the girls in class. I had no doubt Todd got around. He was a gorgeous teen who could have practically anyone, so I was sure he wasn't without some fun in his life. But then he seemed to get close to a girl named Debbie. I was disappointed to have his heterosexuality confirmed, but I also felt some strange disappointment that the girl getting in his pants was... how do I say this without sounding mean? Well, Debbie wasn't either the smoothest or the sharpest girl in class. But later, I'd come to realize that she gave him what he wanted more simply than other girls.
Their fling went on, and it wasn't really a secret. Then things took a turn into a weird realm. Debbie wound up sitting behind me in history class. Right behind me. And with our desks very close, she took the opportunity to whisper to me. Sometimes she'd also rub her knees in the small of my back. What was really wild was what she'd whisper to me... sexual suggestions. She literally said things like, "let's fuck." And "I want to feel you inside me. I bet you've got a nice dick!"
Now remember, she was with the hottest guy in the school. The guy practically everyone wanted—or so I imagined, since he was my ultimate crush. But she was whispering things like that to me? As I continued to blush (to her amusement, I was sure) and ignore her as she continued to do this for weeks, she added, "I'm very good. Do you want references?" And even, "Ask Todd. He can tell you how good I am!"
What the fuck was with this girl?! And I sure as hell wasn't going up to Todd to ask him how his girlfriend was in bed! But apparently she liked me and this was something she really wanted, because this weird situation got truly surreal as I continued to ignore her. One day after homeroom, Todd came over to me. "Hey, Jess, can I talk to you after school?" (If I didn't mention it before, that's my name. Jess—or Jesse to some.) I'd take any attention from Todd that he was willing to give, so of course I said yes and we set a time to meet.
Todd and I met after school. He looked embarrassed. That was a look I wasn't used to seeing from him. He wasn't arrogant, but he was a confident enough guy. Todd was having trouble getting the words out. I'd never seen him like this. "Todd, what is it?" And then he started talking... "Well, you know Deb and I..." I laughed. "Yeah, stud, everyone in school knows that." I don't know how I'd become the confident one, but maybe it was the strange situation. Anyhow, he went on. "Well, she's really awesome in bed. I mean, I've been with other girls, but she really knows what she's doing."
With that, I was both hard and frustrated. I just said, "yeah, that's great." And then he said, "well, you know she likes you." I nodded. "Yeah, she's said. She's messing with me." Todd shook his head. "No, man, she's not. She wants you." Now I didn't know what to think. Was he mad? Was he going to hit me? I hadn't encouraged her. It was all her doing. "Todd, look, I'm not trying to pull anything. I swear, I didn't hit on her or even encourage her. It was all her doing."