I don't know why I hadn't met Diane before. But I hadn't. I'm sure I would have remembered if I had.
She had a slim, almost boyish figure. Smallish boobs. A pleasant oval face. And straight, blonde hair styled in a bob. In another life, she could have been a ballet dancer.
It turned out that she worked for Daniel's father. Like me, she had been invited to the pub to celebrate Daniel's birthday. And not just any birthday. Daniel's twenty-first birthday. Twenty-one was still an important birthday back then.
Twenty-one today
Twenty-one today
I've got the key to the door
Never been twenty-one before
And then, later in the evening, when several of the others headed back to Daniel's parents' place, Diane and I had stayed on at the pub. To this day, I'm not sure why.
'So how do you fit in?' she asked.
'Fit in?'
'With Daniel.'
'Oh. Tennis,' I told her. 'As you may know, Daniel was a bit of a prodigy.'
'Oh? So you're a tennis player.'
'Mainly a former tennis player. It turned out that one of my lungs wasn't quite up to it. A pity. I could play a good game in my head. Knew where to position myself on the court. Knew which shot to select. Just a bit of a problem when I tried to put my plans into action.' And I laughed. 'Daniel's a good player though. Getting better all the time. He's tournament quality. Don't be surprised if he turns up at Wimbledon in a year or two.'
Diane nodded. 'Yes. I gather he's pretty good,' she said.
'Do you want another drink?' I asked.
She looked at her almost-empty glass, but then shook her head. 'I think I've had enough,' she said. 'For now anyway.'
I looked at my own glass. 'Yeah. Me too,' I said.
For a moment or two we both just sat there. In silence. And then she said we could go back to her place. 'If you'd like to,' she said.
'To your place?'
'Yeah. It's not far. Just around the corner really.'
'Umm.... Yeah. OK,' I said.
And then she asked me how old I was.
'Older than I used to be,' I told her.
She laughed. And nodded. And then she asked me if I had a condom.
'Will I need one?'
She smiled.
I looked at my watch. 'Boots should still be open,' I said. 'I think there's one just over in the High Street, isn't there?' (This was back before Boots started closing their High Street stores.)
'Off you go then,' she said. 'I'll wait here.'
Boots was still open. It was also pretty empty.
'Can I help you?' an attractive young girl who was straightening stock on the shelves asked me.
'Umm....' I looked around the shop. Apart from the pharmacist (who was also a woman), the girl and I seemed to be the only people there. But I lowered my voice anyway. 'Umm... Frenchies. Johnnies,' I said. 'Condoms.'
'Oh... yes... condoms,' she said in clear voice that I'm sure could have been heard at the other end of the High Street. 'Any brand in particular?'
'Umm... just... you know... whatever,' I mumbled.
'For you?'
I nodded.
'Are you OK with latex?'
'Latex? I suppose so,' I said. I think it was probably about that point that she realised that I wasn't exactly a seasoned condom shopper.
'Over here,' she said in a rather more discreet voice. And, while she had her back to me, she asked in a somewhat softer voice if it would be my 'first time'.
'Sort of,' I told her.
She nodded. And suddenly we were standing in front of a slightly bewildering display of condoms and other 'pleasure' products.
'These are all latex,' she said with a sweep of her hand. 'Most people are OK with latex. But we also have non-latex. In case either of you are allergic. And, of course, there are various shapes and sizes.' And then she looked at me. 'Although when I say various shapes, they are basically all the same shape. Obviously.' And she drew a cock shape in the air with her finger and laughed. 'But they come in a variety of sizes. Various thicknesses. Most are plain. But some have bumps. And some have ribs. It's up to you really.'
'What would you recommend?' I asked. (After all, she seemed to be the nearest thing to an expert.)
'Vaginal intercourse?'
Well, yes. Of course. What else would I want them for? And then I realised. 'Oh. Yes. Vaginal intercourse. Yes,' I said. 'Yes.'
She took a box off the shelf. 'I think these should do the trick,' she said with a friendly smile. 'And do you need anything else?'
'I don't know. Do I?' I asked.
'Lubricant?'