I've heard it said that if you can remember the sixties, then you weren't really there. Well, I was 18 years old in 1964 and my memory is as clear as a bell. I freely admit that I was a naΓ―ve 18 year old β I'd never had any dealing with any of the mind altering substances that were in vogue throughout those heady years β I was still a virgin at my 18th birthday, which fell in February, and as that snowy, February day dawned there seemed little chance of the situation changing.
'Morning Bernie.' I greeted my wrinkled colleague at the beginning of another work day some 3 months after my 18th celebration.
'Morning lad,' he replied, as was his usual salutation. Bernie carried on folding the blankets that we used for wrapping around items of furniture that we collected and delivered on our travels around the North Yorkshire countryside.
Bernie was the driver β and I was the driver's mate β of the panel van owned by an auction house that specialised in house clearances. He was only in his mid fifties, but looked at least a decade older. His wrinkly, weathered face, wild hair and unkempt appearance giving him a slightly forlorn, trampish look, a look that was more than a little deceptive since Bernie was in fact quite fastidious in his habits of personal hygiene.
I knew a lot about Bernie, we got on well, which was fortunate considering the hours we spent in each other's company, cloistered together as we conducted our circuitous road trip of hill and dale. Bernie told and retold rich tales of his life and his loves, of which there were legion if the stories of his conquests were to be believed. It seemed that Bernie had enjoyed a wildly misspent youth, Friday and Saturday nights in pubs, and a seemingly inexhaustible number of willing, sex mad, women and girls who Bernie 'bucked' without fail.
His tales from the war years were equally filled with female conquests, this time with lonely, frustrated wives of soldiers, sailors and airmen who had rather foolishly gone off to war, leaving their ladies high and dry. Bernie certainly kept up his war effort, 'I kept up morale back home,' he would grin at me, woodbine dangling from his lower lip as he spoke.
I didn't know where all of these willing nymphomaniacs had gone to since I was lacking in the very area that Bernie was master, perhaps the female portion of my generation had developed some sort of high moral order? Whatever the reason, all I knew was that I wasn't getting any!
'Nearly done lad,' Bernie said. 'Get in the van and we'll be off.'
I climbed up into my familiar seat, packed my bag with my snap and flask into the gap between the seats and waited while Bernie slammed the rear door closed and climbed into the driver's seat. We rumbled along the roads on our way to the job of the day, a house clearance in a town named Malton, midway between York and Scarborough.
Bernie parked in the driveway of the large victorian dwelling, we were a little early and had to wait for the owner to arrive with the keys. We didn't have long to wait, an elegant Jaguar pulled into the drive behind us just as we'd finished our first brew of the day.
'Fuckin' ell,' I heard Bernie mutter under his breath. 'Look at this, lad,' Bernie nodded his head towards his side window.
I was confused at first and then saw the reason for Bernie's remark as a mature blonde woman tapped on my door. From my position in the cab of the van I could look down into the woman's abundant cleavage as she stood impatiently awaiting my response.
'Are you coming in then?' the woman's muffled voice blurred through the glass between us. She didn't wait for any answer, just turning and striding away, unlocking the heavy door to allow Bernie and I to take stock of our workload.
With a practised eye, Bernie estimated 3 trips to clear the house of all its contents. Leaving the house with the van choc a bloc - dropping at the yard and then returning for another load - a full days work and probably more.
The lady, Mrs Chambers, was a little cool with us at first, but warmed as Bernie used his cheeky chappie magic on her. I had to admit, that despite his appearance, he certainly seemed to have a way with the ladies. Initially, Mrs Chambers had appeared to be an ice queen, but by mid afternoon Bernie had her giggling coquettishly as he bombarded her with his jokes laden with sexual innuendo.
'So you selling up then, love?' Bernie asked as Mrs Chambers brought in a tray with tea and biscuits for the workers. I cringed at Bernie's ungallant use of 'love' but Mrs Chambers merely smiled sweetly at him and placed the tray on an upturned tea chest. Mrs Chambers poured and we all settled around the makeshift table, I was looking forward to this welcome brew.
'Yes,' Mrs Chambers replied to Bernie's question, her big bosom heaving as she sighed. 'My husband passed away 4 years ago and the place is just too big for me now,' she elaborated, saddened by the memory of her lost husband.
'Must be lonely?' the ever sensitive Bernie responded.
I thought he'd put his big foot right in it with that little gem but no, Mrs Chambers looked at him with moist eyes and merely replied, 'Yes it is, I do miss my husband terribly at times. Bernie sipped at his tea thoughtfully, the silence growing. 'But!' Mrs Chambers brightened, 'Life goes on, as they say.'
'Aye, life goes on,' Bernie repeated Mrs Chambers's statement and, to my surprise winked at her. I saw a flush of pink rise from the mature woman's cleavage which crept up her elegant neck, colouring her cheeks a rosy hue.
We finished the tea and biscuits and got on with our work as Mrs chambers cleared up the tray.
'I bet she misses the old man,' Bernie said to me as we strapped a bookcase against the inside of the van. 'Misses the old sausage, that's what she misses,' he continued lewdly. 'Did you see the size of her jugs?' he grinned at me, smoke from his cigarette rising in front of his wizened face. 'An' her pins? Fine set of legs on the bird,' he shook his head in appreciation of Mrs Chambers indisputably fine assets.
Bernie left me to finish the strapping and I followed him back into the house a few minutes later. 'Bernie!' I called when I didn't find the old man in the upstairs room we'd been working in.
'Aye,' came his shout from downstairs in response. 'Just been to the lav, must be the tea,' he said entering the room. I thought nothing of it at the time, but there was a toilet directly across the landing from where we were working, but Bernie's craftiness went unnoticed.