Preamble
These stories are based in Australia and written in the idiom the characters would use.
Generally, the intended meaning will be clear from the context if you don't cling too tightly to your usual usage.
Crutch/ Crotch has been a subject of much comment. Australians more commonly use 'crutch' and that meaning of the word is supported by the Macquarie Dictionary.
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Story
Looking back I've always wondered when one becomes truly sexualised. I don't mean puberty, or at least that's not how it worked for me. I mean wanting sex, really desiring sex; the feeling of a guy's finger on your clit and cock in your womanhood. That came much later for me. I suspect I was at least 18; maybe a smidgen later.
I'd gone out with Aron since I was 14. One of those all consuming - although never consummated - teenage passions.
Over the years I suppose you'd say our relationship had been comfortable. I was a good enough looker to increase his status at school and he was enough of a stud to seem like a keeper to my young self. At school, we were regarded at an 'it' couple. But as I got older I recognised that he didn't really rock my boat; a bit too jock in his attitude and a bit dim to boot. I didn't really love him as I felt I should nor did he set my loins on fire.
The issues that had started to develop with our relationship had been hidden for a while as I focused down on the final HSC year at school. I was nothing if not an intensive swat and determined to get into the best law school. Aron just had to wear me not having much time for him for the critical 18 months.
As the pressure valve of study was released by my finishing school, what I discovered within me was that newly sexualised self. A sense of desire and need far exceeding anything I'd felt before. And yet with that came a realisation that Aron wasn't the right man.
From the outset of our relationship it had been physical, in that innocent puppy love sort of way. We'd pashed like teenage lovers do. But he'd never got to touch me, at least not where it counts; if you know what I mean. Now I was older and free of study burdens, he wanted a pay-off for his waiting. He wanted a lot, lot more. We'd argued about it. But as I planned my exit from the relationship, it hadn't felt right; in fact it felt downright risky. The best he'd got was a feel of my nipples through my swimwear in the six months before we'd broken up.
So there I was in the strange situation of wanting sex and yet not wanting it with the man I was with; not least of all because I knew that would just make the end of our relationship all the harder. But it went beyond that; physically I just didn't fancy surrendering my body to him whatever needs I felt.
The breakup was difficult. We'd been together a long time and it was half way through my first year at Uni before I'd got the courage and determination to pull the trigger and announce it was off.
He hadn't taken it well. For six months he was still trying to get me back; constantly calling and visiting me to talk me into rekindling our relationship. I needed time out from stressful relationships. I wanted a relationship without commitments; to play the field; to find physical intimacy and sexual satisfaction in the context of a respectful, caring human relationship without all the burdens that went with it. I wanted much more than a lustful hook up but something less than another committed relationship. Maybe in retrospect, I wanted more than I was entitled to.
Uni had provided a seeming smorgasbord of males and once I was morally free of Aron I became more receptive to the invitations that came my way. The first one I'd accepted was from Tim. I'd shared a class with him and he was both attractive and nice. As I got to know him better I was starting to become quite physically drawn to him; even started to fantasise about us both together.
The first couple of dates were just conventional, get to know you, nights out together. Given I saw a fair bit of him at Uni, I'd spaced them out to make sure things didn't seem to be rushing to any commitment.
The fourth proper date was a toga dress ball at Uni. We were both wearing mini length shift style togas; mine with a barely there off the shoulder top worn braless. Late in the night as the band played slow tunes we were dancing arm in arm. We'd both had a few drinks; enough to reduce inhibitions without being too drunk. As we'd danced to the music I'd pushed my crutch into his and as I'd swayed against him I'd felt his partial boner slip under the hem of both our outfits so that it was rubbing on the crutch of my panties.
It was still all quite innocent. It was his undies rubbing on mine. But it was more than I'd ever allowed to Aron. And, I found it quite arousing. Far from pulling away from it, I was using it to pleasure myself. And his body must have noticed that, because the boner was getting bigger and harder.
Then he put his mouth to my ear and whispered "Am I allowed to fall in love with you?"