Chapter 1
"WHAT. THE. FUCK?"
I was on a tirade towards my wife. We had been separated for nearly a year. A breast cancer scare for her, and a deep Catholic sense of marriage on my part had brought me back. Then, as had been happening all too much recently, she was leaving to go and spend time with her best friend.
She started to explain herself.
"I thought the idea of getting away from it all to fix our marriage was a good idea, so that's what I am doing."
I was struck dumb. I managed to get a sentence out.
" The general Idea is that you and I get away, try and put the pieces back together without distractions of every day life."
"You're anger stresses me, you know that. I'll be able to put my priorities straight."
"With Laura?"
"Yes with Laura. We are best friends."
I exploded.
"So somehow you are going to fix our relationship by spending the weekend with your best female friend instead of me? I thought I might be able to support you through this. You don't need my support. You need Laura's support. Go to her. I am done. Get out. Just so you know you bitch, you've cost me a promising relationship. I came back to you, not out of love, but some noble sense of catholic obligation. You've screwed up my life for the last time...."
It was true. I had met Sam on line and we had hit it off. So much so that I promised her a hot air balloon ride on our first anniversary of when we met. I had been cheeky throughout our online courtship. She was not one of these women who will send you pictures of their privates or any other such nonsense. She was a romantic at heart and from a time of courtship. With the online chatting she was a cheeky as me.
One evening at the end of one of our chats, I had told her that there were words that described how I felt, but it was absolutely ridiculous to use them on a person I had never met. Then we said our good nights. Just as I was about to turn off the computer, then a message pops up. That message will stay forever burned in my mind. It read:
" I love you too. Goodnight."
Another morning we were chatting and I said I had to get in the shower to go to work. We tended to get lost in our chats and time melted away. I am a fairly conservative guy, and I had never sent anyone pictures of me naked. When I told her I had to get in the shower she refused to say goodbye or acknowledge that I had stated I was heading for the shower.
So I did.
We just kept up our chat. I carried the laptop into the bathroom. We continued to chat. Still no acknowledgement from her as to what I was about to do. No good bye.
I started to get undressed first my shirt came off. She responded with:
" I have a busy day here, I have to be at work for 9 for a meeting...."
Off came my pajama bottoms, leaving me in my boxers. She continued:
" Then after work I am meeting Wendy to do yoga..."
I started the water. Turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature.
"Then after yoga, Gail and I are headed to a movie....
So there we were. I was faced with a decision. She had double dog dared me without saying a word. Although I am conservative, I am not shy. I am not tall at 5'9", but I am muscular. Martial arts had done that for me. Off came my boxers. And I showered with the curtain partially open. So we could continue our chat.
I thought she was going to be long gone, when I got out of the shower, but she was still there. That day we made plans to meet.
That is when Crazy Bitch (CB) came to me with her Cancer scare. She needed my support; she needed me back. She was sorry. I was torn. I had not met this woman on line and I was sure I loved her more than I had ever loved CB. CB was my wife. Marriage was forever. You can workout anything. Truly torn. I have always been a person to do what society thinks is right.
With a heavy heart, I wrote Sam a "Dear John" e-mail and sent it. Almost immediately I cried, and felt I had made the biggest mistake of my life. God would sort it out though if I did what was right and had faith. She sent me a number of emails to plead with me, but I ignored them. Eventually they stopped.
That brings us back to the explosion with CB.
"...I came back to you, not out of love, but some noble sense of catholic obligation. You've screwed up my life for the last time. Since we haven't slept together, let's pretend this reconciliation never fuckin' happened."
With that CB left. This was a bittersweet moment. I was sure CB was gone until the divorce. I felt a keen sense of loss. Not for CB and her leaving but rather for Sam. We should have at least seen if our attraction translated into real life.
