Remember the First Time

"I've been looking so long at these pictures of you, that I almost believe that they're real..."

I let the tears fall down my cheeks as I drove down the highway, listening to the old song on the oldies radio.

"remembering you standing quietly in the rain... and we kissed..."

I hadn't thought about Allen in years, and yet the other day I had uncovered the only picture I had of him, bringing back a flood of memories.

We had been sitting in his car in the school parking lot, my legs draped over him and resting on the door. My sarong had fallen to the side, my freshly shaven legs exposed from the thigh down. I remember him breathing heavily, stroking them... he'd bend down and kiss the smooth surface, tickling the backs of my knee's so that I'd wiggle and giggle girlishly for him.

Allen was about seven years older than I was, and a friend of the family. Looking back now I should have been too young at 18 years old and it seemed almost garishly wrong, but I knew then and I still stick to it today that he truly loved me. Love like ours couldn't have been faked. I hadn't started out loving him, but through the years of conversing online I had become frighteningly attached to him, and when we finally saw each other again after two years of nearly daily conversing, there seemed to be sparks whenever he came close to or even looked at me. We snuck away from the and went off for the day. Our families always thought he was just a friend, but we found out that day, through shaking and unsure yet needy kisses that it was much more than that.

He looked at me then, back in the car, with those deep blue eyes I always lost myself in. He reached for my cheek, and I closed my eyes at his warm touch. I knew then that I would have to let him go one day, that the forces of our lives would separate us and our young, idealistic love wouldn't be able to endure. I rested my head in his palm, nearly crying as his thumb caressed my cheek bone. Why did my first love have to live so far away? I wondered desperately. How unfair, my mind whimpered, how cruel for the only man to make me feel this way would have to live hundreds of miles away from me?

My eyes opened and the blue oceans of his eyes returned only love to my desperate face. "Shhhhh..." he whispered, running his thumb over my trembling lips. "We have today, sweetheart... we have today." I took his hand in mine and brought it to my lap, tracing the fingers as if to forever implant them in my memory. I looked out the wind shield of the car and watched the misty haze of April cover the ball field. I smiled, jumping up and opening the door. "It's raining! Come dance with me!"

I ran to the hill, my skirt lifted out of my way, stopping only to look at the baseball diamond and wait for him. Unexpectedly he grabbed me from behind, gentle fingers trickling against my lower stomach, and I gasped at the sensation. He moved my hair back and kissed my neck, making me fall back against him moaning. Never had I felt this before... he sucked and kissed my neck so that the pleasure almost hurt, but never did I want him to stop. I grasped his head with my hand and tilted mine to the side to give him full access to the surprisingly sensitive skin. His hands continued their ballerina dance on my stomach.

I moaned his name and it was now his turn to gasp. He pressed me closer to him and I felt his excitement pressed against my back. Now his kisses spread down my shoulders, pushing my low cut shirt off my shoulder. As one of his large hands explored my breasts a second reached under my skirt and started feeling for a part of me I'd barely even knew existed. I let out a second moan... deeper this time, and pressed myself against him as hard as I could, afraid to turn around and face him and yet needing more.

Whispering my name over and over again his hands seemed to be everywhere and the rain seemed surprisingly cool to my burning skin.

He turned me around suddenly, holding me slightly away from him. Our breaths were heavy and visible in the cool rain. I could read the desperation and need in his eyes, now a tumultuous sea of blue. He tried to mouth the words he wanted to say, but over and over again no words came out, just gasping breaths. "I... I mean... Oh God... Sarah... please... I... Oh God... I didn't... I want..." I simply nodded my head quickly, just as needy for his touch as he was for mine. Confused and in a daze I continued to nod my head to his ramblings quickly just said "Yes!"

He grabbed me then, our mouths meeting desperately and without grace. Our noses and teeth crushed into each other as my arms nearly strangled his neck, his hands pressing bruislingly against my back. I felt him now, pressed against my lower body, and that new part of me started tingling and moving on its own, as if gasping for life.

Somehow we eventually laid down and without any thought I rolled him on top of me, my legs straddling his. "Oh God!" he moaned against my skin, lifting my shirt over my head and nearly throwing it aside. His hips ground into me and his bulge pressed hard against my panties. I vaguely realized that they were wet. My bra followed my shirt as he took my hard nipples into his mouth, sucking them, and again I was filled with an unknown feeling. I arched into him, my hands racking up and down his back under his shirt, knowing in an instinctual way that I needed his skin against mine.

He rolled off of me to take off his shirt, and I lay there watching him, my hands running through my now wild hair. He looked at me, his breath heavy and rapid, eyes gazing up and down my body. I found that my sarong was spread open, connected only by the unraveling knot I'd tied that morning before our date. My thighs and underwear were showing, and I felt completely naked under his gaze. I suddenly became shy and reached my hand up to cover his eyes, laughing. "Don't look at me!" he tried to pry my hand away but I kept it closed on his face. "No!" I giggled the word and was forced to roll on top of him as he tried to turn away from my hand.

"I like looking at you," he said, finally taking my hand away. "You're beautiful. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He sounded so sincere that I was embarrassed and uncomfortable with the praise and I buried my head into his chest. He laughed at me. "With breasts like yours I'd think you'd hear that all the time at home." I shook my head. "And an ass like yours..." he lowered his hand and grasped it, making me in hale in surprise. "and that face... those eyes... and you're hair!" his hands moved to my hair. "... oh god I LOVE you're hair. It smells like nothing I've ever known before and it will stay with me forever. Every time I go down the shampoo isle I smell every bottle to try and find your scent. I dream of that smell." He rolled me unto my back and smiled as I lifted my eyes to his. "Let me show you how you beautiful you are," he said.

He kissed me again, slowly this time, deeper and more methodical. His hand crept down my stomach, towards that unknown, hidden region of my body that I'd always been so afraid to touch. His hand went under my panties and I gasped, his cold hand awakening and surprising me. "Shhh..." he whispered. "You're going to like this... just let me love you." I relaxed and let his knowing hands explore where I'd always been afraid to. He played around my pussy to my gasps and moans, entering only slightly and pull out again. His hot mouth covered my cooling body, filling me with sensations in too many places for me to keep track of. I was wet and my hips started arching into his hand, demanding more... then his fingers were suddenly in me.

My mouth opened soundlessly as his fingers started messaging the deeper places inside of me that I never knew existed. Again I found myself arching into him as his fingers moved slowly in and out, tickling this place and that but keeping a rhythm that became faster and faster. His thumb rubbed my clit and soon my breath was coming out in shaky uneven breaths. He moved faster and faster in and out of me, sucking on my nipples and my neck. I felt something within me growing... a pressure I was almost afraid to release. Yet his fingers and mouth were too much for me and soon I felt myself overflow. An animal like cry escaped me as I pressed into his hand as much as I could. I lay there... soaking and shaking. I opened my eyes and found him smiling broadly, unable to contain his pleasure that he had been the soul cause of my overwhelming orgasm.

"How... oh god..." I couldn't speak.

"Well... I do have a bit of experience... considering that..."

"Shhhh... don't remind me of that. Whenever you remind me of that I think of my mother saying..."

"No! No talk of mothers... oh please god no talk of mothers!" He laughed and covered my mouth with spattered kisses on my mouth to stop my talking.

"Soo..." he raised an eyebrow and lowered his head lower on my chest, looking up at me slyly.

"So now you've got me horny as hell and I want you SO bad..." he raised both eyebrows this time, smiling. "I want you on top of me... right now." I meant it. My orgasm hadn't quenched my thirst for him but only given me a taste of the pleasure he could give me. I wanted him... wanted more... right then... right now. I wanted what was bulging from his pants in me, filling me and working me the way his fingers had... I wasn't thinking of how it was supposed to hurt... or the dangers... I just needed him. NOW.

Yet he didn't think I was serious at first. It was my turn to reach down to his groin, cupping his bulge, which grew the instant my hand touched it. "Is that uncomfortable in there?" I asked teasingly. Without waiting for a response I undid the button and fly, loving the feel of him flying out through the hole in his boxers.

"Oh God!" His eyes fluttered and closed, and it was his turn to breath shakily. My hand ran up and down the sides of his penis, grasping its curve into my palm and pulling it slightly towards me. "Sarah... we... you're too young. I don't want to... I just... hmmmmm." His head buried itself in my neck as my hand continued to play with him. I bit his ear playfully and whispered "I want you to be my first Allen... you won't have me tomorrow or probably any day after that... this would be forever." Although he was shaking his head, his fingers starting playing with my clit again, and my pussy against started moving on its own. "Let me hold you inside of me... please... I'm aching for you... oh, please!" I continued to nibble his ear, and nudge my hips towards him, setting a motion before he was even in me.

He rolled atop of me then, my legs spreading around him. Allen slowly moved my panties down my legs, licking my pussy clean of the juices that clung there. He worked his way up my stomach, the butterflies of pleasure spreading from where ever he touched me. I could feel him against my thigh, long, curved and hard. We kissed and moved together, his head moving across my thigh and pussy lips while I pushed his pants down with my feet. His legs finally free, he kissed me once long and deep before pulling up. "..."

It was my turn to shush him, my fingers pressing gently on his lips. "I love you," I mouthed. We then reached down and together placed him in me, filling my tight walls to the brim. Our eyes closed and breaths shook as he slowly moved in and out of the very beginning inches of me. It almost hurt, the way he filled me, and I felt raw. The realness of his touch was surprising yet his bare head against my skin awakened my need. Slowly filling with an unbreakable need I began to outpace his rhythm, wanting more, wanting him to break me.

Finally throwing away his control, Allen forced himself all the way into me in a single thrust, my body being shocked by the sharp pain that contrasted so greatly to the pleasure just moments before. He paused then, all the way in me. I could feel him shaking, needing to move inside my tight walls. I looked up and met his gaze, that every churning blue, concerned but grasping for more. A single tear coming down my cheek as I nodded him on.

The rain began to pour as he moved slowly in me at first, and then faster. My pain drifted away slowly, forgotten to the new pleasure that was coming from within me. The my walls contracted around him, my hips moving with his until once again I felt that beautiful pressure mount. I started moaning and digging into his back with my fingers, making him move faster and faster.

My body wriggled and arched as the first orgasm came, my walls grasping him as if it meant to hold him there forever. Yet he kept going, my aching, sensitive lips nearly numb from so much attention . I felt myself quickly begin to come again, and felt that he too seemed to be growing inside of me. Grasping me now with one hand behind the knee and the other pressing on my shoulder, Allen moved in me at a violent pace that seemed to shake the earth. I bit into his neck to stifle my cries of pleasure but right as I lost control for yet another time that night, Allen came nearly out of me, only to plunge into the deepest corners of my pussy, growling uncontrollably as I felt our orgasms meet each other. His liquids met and mixed with mine, draining down my thigh only to be washed away by the pouring rain. Going to pull out, I grasped him and made him stay in, my walls relaxing around his softening member.

"I want you in me forever..." I said, crying softly. On our sides, we held each other tightly, whispering our love into cooling skin. Before I left the next day, we'd make love again, sneaking into his bedroom late at night after the family and friends at the reunion fell asleep.

I moved in the drivers seat, wet and yearning after the memory of Allen. It had been many long years ago now, but the next reunion would be next month. I hadn't gone in years but I decided that when I got home I'd call and see if it would be worth me going. A renewed need for Allen was overwhelming me once again.