"Can you work late Friday night, Lucy?" I jumped in surprise; I hadn't heard Erin come up behind me as I'd been concentrating on updating a list of new PCs that the IT department had just rolled out. As the most junior person in desktop support I got all the fun jobs!
I turned to Erin, "Yeah, I guess so. What for?" Erin was one of the systems admins responsible for maintaining the servers and company website - a real guru, the guys in the department would grudgingly admit. Why did she need a 19 year old IT newbie to help her?
"I have to upgrade two of the servers out of hours and company policy is no lone working, so I need a buddy," Erin replied. "You'll get to work on the servers a bit, so you'll learn something; I know it's not always easy for us girls to get ahead in this business, so I figure I ought to help you if I can. I wish someone had helped me when I first started."
I was touched. "Thanks," I said, "That's, er, that's very kind of you." I blushed slightly and looked down - why do I have such little confidence?
Erin slipped her hand under my chin and lifted it gently. Her hand was cool and soft against my skin. "Don't be so timid Lucy. I've noticed you: you're a good worker and seem keen to learn. You deserve a chance. Plus you'll be better company than most of the geeks here!" She smiled and her smile transformed her face from pretty but ordinary into something stunning. "We can't start the work until 7:00pm, but come and see me at 5:30 and I go through what we'll be doing and maybe take a break before we begin, okay?" I nodded and she walked off. She paused and looked back. "Oh, by the way: nice outfit. You look good in it."
Her smile was something else I should envy her for, along with her small, slim frame, lovely figure, auburn hair cut in a short bob, startling green eyes and her intelligence. She was in her mid-thirties but she looked younger. By contrast, I was big - above average height without actually being tall, big framed and, let's be honest here, overweight. My hair was a boring pale brown, rather than blonde like my sister had, and while my eyes were an attractive blue, the glasses I wore meant they weren't often noticed. Friends said I was "cuddly" or "cute" or, worst of all, "had a lovely personality"; I learned to decode that one early on: I was plain if not actually ugly. All this gave me the self-esteem of a donut and the confidence of a mouse when dealing with people!
Despite all she had going for her, I couldn't ever envy Erin: she was just too kind to me. She would say hello and ask how I was. I could go to her with questions and where the other senior techies would tell me to piss off or to find out for myself or give me the bare minimum answer, she always seemed to find time to answer and explain so I could learn. I hadn't done brilliantly at school so I needed all the learning I could get now. Seeing Erin's success, and with her interest in helping me and little pep talks, I had started trying to make some changes. I had been sticking to a diet (apart from the occasional fail with a pizza or Big Mac!) and swimming regularly. As a result, I had lost 25lbs and had made it into size 14 clothes. Okay, I was still on the large side but I felt much better about my body than I ever had before, and I was never going to be a size 8! The weekend before I had treated myself to some new clothes: a smart, short sleeved blouse and knee length skirt rather than the Goth-style long skirt and baggy sweatshirt that had been my standard dress before. That Erin had noticed and even liked the new clothes gave me a little warm, tingly feeling inside.
I watched her as she walked away and wanted to hug her for her kindness. I also wanted to make a good impression on Friday and if we were alone, perhaps I could tell her how much I liked her and all she'd done for me. A disturbing image of kissing her lips crossed my mind, but I pushed it away, shocked at the idea. However, something had subtly shifted in me and I wanted Erin not just to be pleased with my work on Friday - I wanted her to notice me, not just as a newbie girl techie to help but, well, as me, as Lucy; someone to spend time with, a friend even. So on Thursday I worked through lunch to leave early to have my hair cut and dyed followed by a bout of late night shopping that left my bank account quite battered!
Friday arrived and I rolled into work. With my new hair and new outfit (a short, leather jacket worn over a sleeveless v-neck cream top that showed my cleavage, with a blue mid-thigh skirt over dark blue leggings and short boots) did make an impact and I'm sure that it was the first time some of the IT guys bothered to noticed me! It was hard not to duck and hide but I actually felt, well if not attractive then definitely not UN-attractive.
Erin didn't seem to be in yet so I couldn't find out what she thought. When I checked, our boss said she was working from home and would be in later so I settled down to work. I continued to get looks and glances through the day and was feeling quite pleased with myself until I happened to overhear two of the guys talking. They were discussing the attractiveness of some of the women on the first floor when one of them said "...and what do we have down here? Erin the Geek Ice Queen and Lumpy Lucy! God, have you seen what she's wearing today? Talk about a walrus in a short skirt!"
I bit my lip so as to stay silent, blinking back tears as I moved away before they noticed me, and went to hide in the ladies toilet to cry. After ten minutes I'd calmed down and pulled myself together. Fuck them, I thought. They and all men could go to hell; they weren't going to beat me down. So what if I'm overweight? I'm working on it. Anyway, I'd never found any man particularly attractive, so who were they to criticise me? And as for what they'd said about Erin - well, I think I was angrier about that than what they'd said about me because it was so bloody unfair!
By the time 5:30 arrived Erin was in the office and everyone else had either gone or was packing up. I walked over to her desk and she looked up and smiled at me. "Wow, Lucy, you look great!" I was thrilled at this, but there seemed to be something wrong - a tightness in her smile and a slight catch in her voice.
"Oh, thank you Erin, that means a lot coming from you. But - are you all right?" I asked in a concerned voice.
"Ah, it's... oh, it's just circumstances at home; not a good evening yesterday." She sighed. "But let's get through this, shall we?"
"Okay, but if you want to talk about it..." I tentatively put my hand on her arm.
She placed her hand over mine and squeezed it gently. "Thank you, I'll remember that." She paused before plunging on, "But now: this evening's work..." and she went through the upgrade work we had to complete, explaining not only how but why and what issues we might encounter.
After an hour she was happy that I'd understood everything and I thanked her for her time. "You'd have made a great teacher," I told her.
"Thanks, but I haven't the patience to deal with those who don't want to learn. That why some of the men here think I'm stuck up."
"No! I'm sure they..." I began but then remembered the comment I'd overheard and hesitated.
Erin looked at me and smiled wryly, "Exactly. Oh, let's go and get a coffee: Starbucks? My treat?" "Yes please," I replied. "Don't worry about what some of the guys say, they're just intimidated by how clever you are. They say stuff about me too; about my size."
