Nervously and excited I leave the bus, hands trembling. From excitement or fear? Heart racing the pounding in my ears deafening. Cheeks burning and my veins bursting in my neck. Overwhelmed with equal parts joy and worry.
Thump thump thump the sound of my boots as they hit the black asphalt, time crawling, people barely moving in the background. The world a blur, my eyes and mind focused on the doors ahead of me. The horns and chatter fading as I near the entrance. Swoosh as the doors glide open the warm air hitting me, I pass through in a fog. Barely aware of my own movements. In this wide open space the walls fall in my mind, a slow collapse. My chest and hands sweating. Breathing rapid and shallow.
Ground floor, I need 3rd I can hear as my only thought. Trembling my knees weak and barely holding my weight. Pure exhilaration carries me forward.
The black grey contrast of the escalator nearing my feet. How did I get here? What has driven me to this? Will this be as real as my fantasies?
Shaking my head leaving the thoughts behind as I step on, the greased stair pulling at my leg as if it's telling me this is the way. Still alone in a crowded room, the silence deafening save my thoughts and incessant thumping of my heavy boots on this polished floor.
Thump thump and thump, I can't shake this sound. Where are they leading me? Is this real? My legs seemingly knowing where I am going before I do. It's cold here, I shiver. Even though I'm sweating, this is no fever. This is love isn't it? This fear that it's fake, that I'll awaken in some strange bed. A coma perhaps, maybe it was in an accident.
Closing my eyes briefly and letting this thumping carry me forward. Opening them I'm still here, this must be real. My pulse pushing the warmth across my face.
Surely they can see this, am I a mess? Scanning the area, everyone in such a rush. Still this thumping, where are they leading me. My thoughts coming faster than I can process them.
There it is, stairs to the 3rd level. They stand before me like some great snow covered mountain. Will I make this journey, should I turn back. I've made it this far, surely the end will be worthy. Each step seemingly higher than the next. Heavy thumping this time as these black boots find the next step. My hand on the dull metal rail, did I do that? When did I grab this? This feeling on my hand like caulk.
Pulling my hand to chest I look down at it, this is my hand isn't it? Turning it over, surely it must be. Dropped to my side I glance at the people around me, oblivious to my presence.
One last heavy thump as I step off the stairs. This is it, no running now. Chest pounding. The sound of my heart pounding in my ears. I can't focus, my thoughts a stack of paper in a tornado.
Steady now as I close my eyes trying to catch my breath. Looking around I see my goal, a small lounge just outside a mirrored door atop a ramp. Making my way towards it. This time my actions under my control. My legs heavy, fighting to breathe what feels like burning air. Looking around me, the world still a slow blurry streak of what surely are people.
Finding a dull green chair facing this shining door I sit. The hard plastic chair curved in all the wrong places. Fighting my body as I shift to find a comfortable position.
Suddenly the world slams back. The deafening sounds of people. The smell of long journeys and foreign lands. The bleached white of the room around me. Eyes fixed on the door, like a hunter on his prize. Every movement of them stirring the fear and excitement. Every shadowy figure making my heart race again momentarily. Every one a relief and disappointment. Why do I feel this way. Surely this is real, how could it not be? I'm not asleep, there's nothing to gain. My thoughts bouncing rapidly between every open door.
Another figure, the 100th one. Then it hits me, this wall of heat. The air begins to burn like a struck match in a room full of gas. Knocking me back, adrenaline peaking. I cant move.... why can't I move? My muscles fighting me. They burn I fight them so hard, I must stand up.
In the blinking of time our eyes meet across this room. The world instantly stands still. The air cooling and the sense of bliss filling every inch of me. I stand, holding the cold wall. This must be real, is she really here before me. Walking lightly this time as if on a cloud, both our paces quickening as we near each other. Barely within reach she drops her bag with a thud as it rolls to its side. Her eyes never leaving mine.