I shake my head quickly. "I'm sorry, but I don't want whatever this is. Can you please leave?"
I worry what he will do or if he'll get mad, but he only looks at me longingly and a little sadly as he gets up from my bed and simply states, "Alright then."
And I'm relieved for a moment. But his declaration stirs something deeper in me and I sit there already missing his warmth and passion. I'm not the girl that guys think twice about and I would never just jump into bed with someone I barely know. Yet this feeling of desire for him, for his eyes, for his arms, for his lips, is palpably there. It's new and alien to me, and I feel so nauseous and excited at the thought of him touching me more. I can't look at him, but as I hear him open my door, I croak out, "Come back." I can hear his smile as he closes the door again.
In what feels like a second, he's pressed against my back with his hands firmly cupped on the underside of my breasts. I don't know how to feel; every alarm in my body is ringing. I feel guilty for wanting to be touched in this way, embarrassed at the thought of someone looking at the body that I myself could barely acknowledge, excited at the possibility of being wanted, but most of all, I feel hunger. Hunger for a desire so deeply repressed I thought I didn't even have it. In that moment, I want him to love me and touch me and - I can't believe I'm saying this - fuck me.
"One last time: what do you want me to do?" he breathes into my ear.
And for the first time, I turn my head to look deep into those steady eyes and respond, "I want you to do whatever you want." The open invitation turns his expression into a wicked and lustful smile.
He unhooks my bra and begins to fondle me while kissing my neck. I'm overwhelmed at all the new sensations, and every kiss and touch sends a shockwave through my body. His fingers begin to lower, but instead of brushing over my belly, he takes his time to caress every roll and inch of my skin. Something about this makes me feel deeply safe, even through all the panic and excitement. And then suddenly, he's at my underwear.
I can feel him trace the outline of my granny panties and a wave of embarrassment rushes over me. I'm wearing something normal and unsexy, and even though I had no way of knowing that this would happen, I desperately wish I had worn something more befitting of him. He feels my body tense up and moves away from me.
I'm worried I've ruined the moment and he's going to leave, but instead he moves to face me and removes his shirt to reveal a lean and slightly muscular build. He's legitimately glistening - not sweating like us regular people - and for a second I'm convinced that this is all an elaborate dream and I'm about to wake up, but then he leans in and starts kissing me on the mouth, more fevered than earlier.
It's strange and at first I keep my lips closed, but I can feel him exploring my mouth and so I open up and we enter this little tongue dance that feels so foreign, but good. I close my eyes and as we get into the rhythm of it, I feel him start to lift up my shirt. I allow him to do so, but he doesn't touch my bra. He pulls back, and I open my eyes as he drinks in my presence. I want to impress him, so I remove my bra myself.
To be honest, I never thought I had the best boobs - they were always more saggy than the other girls my age - but when I reveal them he groans happily to himself and I'm filled with pride. Instantly my brain scolds me for feeling pride for such a stupid thing - "You're an independent woman! Who cares what some guy thinks?" - but then he starts to kiss the top of them, and the shame evaporates as the hunger reappears.
He pushes me down on the bed and unbuckles his pants, but leaves his underwear on. As I prop myself up, I can see the outline of his penis enlarged and pushing against every inch of the fabric. He catches me staring and gives me his little half smile and asks, "So should I give you a full show?" I can't summon words, I only nod, so he pulls off his boxers to reveal it. It's so strange, but sexy, and I can't help it as my eyes widen. He seems more pleased by this as he asks, "So is this the biggest one you've seen?"
I've only watched porn on a handful of occasions, and I was too overwhelmed by it to really absorb or enjoy anything. But I also feel strange about letting him know of my inadequate knowledge. Without meaning too, I say, "This is the only one I've seen in person," and that seems to delight him even more.
He pushes me back down again and starts kissing me as he plays with the top of my pants. I wiggle to let him push them down more easily. Then all I have between me and this boy is my little panties. He starts to play around my crotch but through the underwear. I can't help but let out a moan and his wicked glint returns. He whispers in my ear, "Oh, so you like that then. Do you want more?" and I nod in response. His fingers slide underneath the fabric and into me. I've tried to play with myself before, but it's never felt anything like this. He starts off slow in a circular pattern, and as I begin to pant more and more, he goes faster and faster and it feels unreal. My senses start to go and all I can focus on is breathing and that feeling, and just as I'm about to come to the top, he stops.
I look almost hurt as pulls his fingers out, but he just laughs at my expression. "I can't let you finish too quickly. I'm not done with you yet." He spits in my hand, but before I get a chance to react, he guides it along his shaft. I've never touched a penis before and I'm shocked with how girthy and textured it is. I start to rub it on my own and he lets out a low moan in my ear and the hunger comes back in full force. Suddenly, I feel in control and powerful and sexy, so I continue to stroke him faster and faster as he gets louder and louder until he pulls my hand off. "Jesus I don't know where you learned that, but I could just watch you and those tits bounce for hours."
I'm again deeply proud of myself for making him feel this way. For allowing myself to be desirable to such an exquisite man. But he interrupts my self-congratulation as he pulls a condom out of his jeans pocket. "Oh my god," I think, "this is it." He looks me up and down for a minute and then roughly pulls my underwear off. For a moment we're just naked staring at each other and fantasizing about what comes next. I surprise myself as I loudly declare, "Well, are you just going to stand there all day or you going to fuck me?"
I think I catch him off-guard as well, but he quickly recovers and rips open the condom wrapper with his teeth. I watch him push the latex up his shaft and a wicked smile matching his own peers across my face. He pulls me to the edge of the bed and grabs a fistful of my hair so my back arches and my boobs are right in his face. And then he does it. He enters me.
It's tight at first and I feel my muscles clench up. I try to tell myself to relax, but he just holds it for what feels like an eternity and I gain familiarity with the sensation and then he starts to go deeper. It's honestly a bit tender and I feel like I'm going to burst. Then suddenly, he's pushed all the way up against me and again holds it. He's kissing my neck and my breasts as one hand still holds my hair and the other is cradled against my lower back. He can see that I'm adjusting and still getting used to the feeling of being so unbelievably full with his cock and he grins again. Sultrily, he whispers in my ear, "Guess you weren't expecting that" and it's all I can do to earnestly nod as my body is processing. He begins to move back and forth and I shudder and moan a little. This turns him on more. "I'm not stopping until you scream."
I bite my lip a little, since I feel so awkward being sexy. It's completely foreign to me and I just feel like a fool in comparison to all of the girls I'm sure he's fucked before that were most definitely prettier and more experienced.
He sees me going into my shell and pulls my hair back again. The mild jolt of pain brings me back. "I said I want to hear you."
"What do you want me to say?" I ask him.