When I was 48 years old and divorced for over two years I had a couple of disastrous affairs with incompatible women. My mind would go back to my teen years when my best friend and I used to jerk each other off. One time and one time only, I sucked him for about 30 seconds. I stopped because I was feeling scared and confused about it.
But days later I walked into the woods with him and told him I wanted to do it again. He yelled at me saying "What the fuck! Are you queer or something?" That paralyzed me and I never acted on that impulse again until age 48.
But, from that day on, I thought about it a lot. It became ingrained in my thoughts every time I jerked off. I desperately wanted to suck somebody off, and that need was greatly enhanced after my divorce and affairs. I even thought about eating my own cum, but every time I had an orgasm, I lost all desire to taste it. Maybe it was lack of desire, or maybe it was me being scared of it. I started collecting and freezing my cum, but still couldn't ingest it. Then I tried jerking off in a totally dark room, catching my cum in a saucer, but to no avail. After I had cum, I absolutely didn't have a desire to lick it up.
At age 48 I started going to known gay hangouts in my city. I even talked to some guys that I was attracted to. But being a timid sort, I just couldn't get up the courage to go to second base. There were a few who asked me out, but I was too scared. What a chicken.
Then one day I decided to go to an adult video store with glory holes in the booths. I took the middle of 3 booths with glory holes on each wall. I placed my right forefinger on the right side glory hole while watching a porn movie on tv.
In a couple of minutes, a nice 6 or 7 inch cock poked through the hole, bumping my finger. Oh damn, what do I do now? It was semi-erect and it fascinated me, I started caressing it with my hand first as it grew harder. I dropped to my knees and put my mouth close to it. I licked it under the head and then rolled my tongue around the head. I could hear the guy groan with pleasure as I slid my lips down to the bottom. Then I bobbed up and down on it for what seemed like a couple of minutes. With each stroke, I realized more and more that I loved doing this. Maybe it was penis envy (something more than my 5 inch pecker) maybe I realized I was gay, I wanted to finish this guy off, but he pulled out and walked out of his booth.
I sat down and watched more porn when a nice cock poked though the other hole to my left. He was fully erect with a 7 inch cock that curved upward. I realized that he had been watching through the hole while I sucked the other guy. But I was fully entranced with penises and repeated my routine on his pecker. When I was bobbing up and down I had no thoughts other than how much I enjoyed sucking cock frantically.