My Story

Prelude

"My fantasies usually involve an unattainable woman..."

This is how I would usually start describing what I wanted when I would talk to a phone sex partner.

I love phone sex - the sound of a woman's voice, her describing the things she would do to me - for me. It takes me away from the day to day life, the pressures, and the frustrations. Describing in detail, a good partner would say how she'd touch me, occasionally adding a playful kiss, or groan or giggle - maybe with her mouth wrapped around her finger to conjure up the image of that sweet-sounding blowjob I wish I could have but never received.

I was a virgin till I was 23, and my shyness was a crippling handicap for me to overcome. Even after I lost my virginity, I had problems dealing with something as beautiful and lovely as having sex with a woman who wants nothing more than to make me feel good. Masturbation was my escape, and finding ways to explore my fantasies was the only way I could cope with my fear of rejection and failure when it came to satisfying a woman who just seemed so beautiful and so sexy and so out of my league.

I'm a selfish egotistical greedy man who craves doting attention. Sex is important to me and I love the idea of a sexy hot woman wanting to lavish attention upon me. The idea of warm skin, sweet perfume, gentle whispers and long generous milkings of my cock are what I crave during my lonelier moments.

It's like sweet music to me when I hear a woman opening up to me about anything and everything - like she was becoming vulnerable - confiding in me, an anonymous stranger who won't judge her, who won't give her unsolicited advice, who provides and empathetic ear in which she can unburden her soul and tell me the things she'd be afraid to tell her closest loved ones. Let's face it, we are all selfish creatures who want what we want, and don't give a damn what others want unless it can benefit us. There's nothing sweeter than the feeling of earning that sweet reward after a long passionate session with my partner.

I've had many wonderful lovers. If you're interested, let me tell you about them.

First Experiments

My first experiments with phone sex began when I was in college and had absolutely no rap with women. I was a tongue tied mess who had a crush on one girl all through high school and yet never dated. Not that I didn't think other girls were pretty, but she was the absolute focus of my adolescent attention. I thought I was in love. But she never returned my affections, and my heart was empty and broken. I was also a nineteen year old with incredible urges.

Looking back, I realize girls flirted with me. They loved to talk with me, invited me to go jogging with them, invited me to come watch a movie or hang out in their room, or be a partner in class. It's not like each time was a potential contribution to penthouse forum, but I never had an inkling that I was capable or worthy of even flirting with these beautiful girls. I was so horny and clueless.

Flirting, confidence, a sense of style was like trying to understand complex mathematics while drunk, and I would get so horny and not know how to deal with it other than through masturbation and fantasy. Those damn urges.

It was so very lonely.

Late nights involved me watching television like 'Sportscenter' or a movie, mindlessly flipping through channels looking for some entertainment while my roommates would be out drinking, meeting girls and having a good time. Me, I was afraid to drink, afraid to get drunk and become an alcoholic.

Those high school health classes had sunk in and were quite effective. All of those scare tactics and cold statistics intended to disarm the urges of adolescence made me young naive and scared to try anything new. This led to many outings at night. I'd go for a walk, because I had no car at college. I'd watch TV, I'd study, and I'd take the money earned from working in the university mail room and order a pizza on Saturday.

It was solitary and so very lonely.

And sometimes that loneliness was overwhelming that depression would crush my soul causing my stomach to tie into knots. I longed for the sweet smell of perfume, a warm soft body, a sweet voice to whisper in my ear. I would watch movies and see women on late night TV and wish so much that those feelings of lust, love and desire would be focused on me. I wanted it so bad I'd fantasize and crave it.

One night I was up late and saw a one of those beautiful women on TV. Her skin was smooth and even though it was TV, I'd bet she smelled great. I heard a sweet voice, and then I couldn't believe my ears.

"Do you wish for the lust, love and desire you see in these beautiful women's eyes?"

I sat up and took immediate note of the details. The contact was a 900 number - a phone sex number. Why didn't I think of it before? A woman would talk to me; give me the validation without the fear of rejection. She wouldn't see that I was overweight. She wouldn't see my face turn red from nervousness. She'd know what I wanted and wouldn't feel the least bit awkward about it. It was a service that was legal, that wouldn't risk me getting an STD or a woman pregnant. It was the answer to my prayers.

I didn't even think twice and picked up the phone, only to find 900 numbers had been blocked by the university phone system. Then I noticed another commercial.

This time it was for an 800 number, but they wanted a credit card and I didn't have one. I couldn't justify it. I barely made enough for a pizza on the weekend. I had some money in my bank account but that wasn't enough. I was frustrated and yet driven by my testosterone.

One Friday night, preparing for another long weekend of solitude, I stopped at the student bookstore and bought a copy of 'Rolling Stone' magazine. I read the articles and perused reviews of the latest movies and albums when I flipped to the back.

An old hippie history teacher of mine had joked about those ads where you can become an ordained minister for 50 bucks. I remembered and went to check it out and chuckle. Back then, as the nights grew long and the loneliness would overtake me I would peruse 'Rolling Stone' often. I don't know why. Maybe if I knew about the latest movies and music and maybe something that you didn't know from MTV or the news I could bring it up at a party and suddenly be the most interesting man in the room.

I remembered my teacher telling me about the ads in the back. This time, I closed the magazine and opened the back cover and was working backwards when I saw it, before I even saw the ad for the Universal Life Church. It was another ad for a 900 number and beside that, an ad for a number I didn't recognize. It didn't look like a standard number, but the ad was worded like the 900 number ads.

The urges rose, the fantasies swirled in my head. I dialed the numbers in sequence. I heard the odd dial tone - I was clearly dialing outside the US - and I didn't care - fuck those rates. I was on the verge of talking to a sexy woman. I knew in my heart I was going to decipher the Rosetta stone of the female gender and be able to pick up any woman I wanted after this. Then I heard her voice. It was a recording and I heard the sweetest sounding voice on the other end. It was recorded but it sounded oh so good.

Her sweet gift for description was delicious as she described what she'd do to me and how so very good it felt when I'd do things to her. I quickly discovered how good it felt if I rubbed her clit - how good it felt when my tongue would lap across it. I also quickly discovered the sweetest sound of all.

My recorded mystery lover was describing how she would suck my cock, and she was greedy. She described how she would kiss down my chest. I could practically feel those warm lips on my aching virgin skin. How she would nuzzle and kiss my balls, gently working her way up my untouched shaft until she finally enveloped it with her fictional mouth. My imagination was in overdrive and I came so hard. The rush was so incredible I was excited all over.

I don't know if it was the sexual excitement of hearing this woman speak, or the excitement of achieving this goal I'd wanted to accomplish for weeks. I didn't care then - who does when you're lost in the moment? For the first time I heard the sounds of a woman who was in the throes of passion, and I exploded, grinding my teeth and enjoying a fine rush of adrenaline and endorphins.

I felt like more of a man. I knew was I was ready to hear more. I wanted more. I ached for more. The urges were going to come back but I was ready to deal with them.

To be Continued...