I wanted to share this experience because it's something I find myself returning to, even years later, after many boyfriends. I cant help compare all boyfriends to my first and they often fall short of my expectations. Some of the small details have escaped me over the years but most of it is how I remember. Here's the story;
My high school years were not memorable. I was the stereotypical quiet Asian student with good grades, few friends and unless we had a project together, you probably wouldn't remember me. I had a one girlfriend only because several of my friends tried to hook me up with a classmate, but I knew I was into guys probably since around my junior year and my relationship with her never materialized into anything significant. I often watched gay porn at home and the celebrities I had crushes on were all in general, older guys. Even when I would touch myself, it was always a man that I would fantasize about, for as long as I can remember. Still, I did my best to hide my sexuality in high school and instead, I stayed focused on grades and getting into college. High School came and went, and I remained a virgin, although I did fool around with a casual girlfriend at a party. Nobody suspected I was gay, I think.
College was much more instrumental in my development into a grown man. I didn't have to deal with peer pressure and my new friends were all undergrads from my dorm. I became much more comfortable with my sexuality and even mustered the courage to tell several of my friends. However, it was also sadly true that I had yet to even hold another man's hand or go on a date with a guy, let alone sleep with one. I was too timid to ask cute guys at school if they were into guys and since I was only 19 at the time, I wasn't able to enjoy the gay bar scenes in nearby San Francisco.
The only thing I could think of was of course, the internet. At the time, there was no Grinder, Tinder or Bumble. The only such site known to me at the time was Craigslist and I was familiar with their personals section as I've browsed and fantasized about hooking up with a man before.
On a cold December day, I finally decided that I would give dating a try and posted my first ad on Craigslist. My ad was posted on the men-seeking-men section and had the headline "Inexperienced Asian male, 19, looking for fun and more". So much for being original. The actual ad was a bit more provocative. I included my stats and what I was looking for (dating and intimacy) and attached of photo of myself in underwear.
Within an hour of posting the ad, I was bombarded with a plethora of responses. Most were cock pictures along with something to the tune of "let's play. 44 M, DDF. Can you host?"
I wasn't ready to meet someone for sex right away and my ad clearly stated that I was looking for a man to date and possibly be my first boyfriend. I was looking for someone to teach me how to be intimate and someone who was respectful of the fact that I was a virgin. The night passed without any substantial responses, only a bunch of cock pics, and I remember thinking "maybe this isn't for me".
The next day I looked through my email and found one that caught my eye. I have to admit, it was his photo that caught my attention at first. Unlike most of the other responders who sent variations of their private parts, this one had a full body picture with face, of a very sexy, shirtless, physically fit man in his 40s with masculine features and some gray in his hair. His chest was hairy but it seemed like such a natural look for his muscular body. The text stated that he was recently divorced and was looking to explore his bisexual side with someone who would enjoy his company. His name was Dan and he said he was interested in biking and wine and was into Asian males. He explicitly said he was not looking for a one night stand, but a relationship that could allow for one or two dates a month to start and see where it goes.
I obviously responded to him, because this story is about Dan, but I don't remember exactly what I said. I think I was so nervous and excited at the same time and I would guess my response was along the lines of, "thanks for responding. I would love to get to know you more and I think you are extremely sexy."
Dan responded right away and immediately, we hit it off. He was very respectful of my inexperience and he suggested we meet for coffee first as a meet and greet. This calmed my nerves a bit because I knew I wouldn't have to feel pressured to do anything if we weren't a good match. We decided to meet for coffee near my University and exchanged phone numbers.
When I arrived at the coffee shop, Dan was waiting for me at a table inside. I recognized him right away and felt relieved he that resembled his picture. Instead of a handshake, he gave me a hug which I thought was really nice. He kept complimenting me on the way I dressed and asked to see my ring which I bought as a fashion accessory from Japan. I must have been looking nervous because he asked me if something was wrong. "Not at all. I'm just worried you won't like me".
That's when he put his hands to my face and told me how nice I looked and that he would love to see if we could "get to know each other more". There's something about a first meeting with someone and being able to keenly recall the sights and smells of that moment. To this day I still remember being very attracted to Dan's masculine fragrance, which I smelled on him when we hugged.
"I'd like to get to know you more too, Dan. I think you're my type as well". The words just naturally came out of my mouth without much thought. He told me there was no pressure at all to do anything and asked if I'd like to continue our conversation at his place, since it was nearby. I wasn't naive. I knew what he was inviting me for and I wanted him. He was exactly my type and everything felt so natural. He wrote down his address and after about an hour and a half, we decided to meet back at his place.
Dan lived in a nice apartment nearby and I remember it being much warmer than the coffee shop. He greeted me in his t-shirt and jeans and I could see that he was built very well. About 6'2" and 220. He asked to take my jacket and as he removed my coat, he gave me a kiss from behind on my cheek. All I could think was "this is really happening". It was a very enjoyable feeling of nervousness, full of anticipation. Dan, on the other hand seemed relaxed and casual about things. He grabbed my hand and asked if we'd like to hang out on the couch.
Our conversation on the couch became more sexual in nature. He asked if I liked gay porn and whether I had a preference. I told him I watched my fair share and most of the guys in the movies looked like him. He asked me if it was ok if he moved closer and I said yes. The flow of things felt so natural to me and it was hard to believe that I had just met him in person just a few hours ago. Before we knew it, he was sitting behind me with his hands wrapped around my tummy area as I was holding his hand over my t-shirt as we talked about my college classes, what I was looking for in a career, and of course my love life. "So, you've never even kissed a guy before?" he seemed to doubt me.
Feeling suddenly slightly embarrassed about my virginity, I hesitated. "I just haven't been able to.." and that's when he moved in for our first kiss. I closed my eyes like they do in the movies and tried to make sure I was doing everything ok. I've kissed a girl before in high school but Dan was so different. He was so much more in control and I just felt so secure and vulnerable at the same time in his arms.
His other hand remained locked with mine as it pressed against my tummy the entire time we kissed. "How was that?" he whispered to me. I let my eyes do the taking and I must've been telegraphing that I wanted more because he moved in again, this time for a much more passionate kiss. His tongue gently brushed on mine and I let out a subtle moan that let him know I was enjoying his kissing. His hand decoupled from mine and found it's way underneath my shirt which sent a whole new tingly sensation up and down my body. It was at this point that I noticed I had a pretty good erection under his pants which I could feel pressed up on my lower back.
I too, was pretty turned on at that moment and if he had reached for my pants button and slipped his hand in my underwear, I would've let him, but that's not what happened that day. "I think we should stop here. I'm really enjoying your company and I don't want to ruin anything," he told me, to my disappointment.