Mutual Benefits

The test was pretty simple. Not only did I know the subject matter pretty well, I had hours of practice teaching someone else about it, so it wasn't a shock to see the "100%" on my page. Mrs. Li gave me a congratulatory smile as she gave me the test, and it was clear from the quiet groans that my score wasn't exactly common in the class.

That said, I was still nervous. As Li walked around the room handing out tests, I stared straight at Taylor as Li made her way over to her. I couldn't see Li's face as she dropped off the test, nor could I see any markings on the page. It wasn't my neck on the line, but, even without what happened last night, I didn't want to let Taylor down.

The lesson went ahead and class was over before I knew it. I was gathering my things and almost hoping Taylor wouldn't approach me - I was very aware of my social awkwardness at this point, and was fully aware I was in completely uncharted territory.

"Hi, Quinn," Taylor's voice greeted me.

She was standing in front of me. My head bolted up to face her. "Hi. Hi, Taylor. Taylor, hi," I blurted out quickly and nervously.

To my relief, she broke out in a pitying smile instead of anything else. "Do you, like, have a sec?"

"I mean, uh, yeah," I mumbled as I instinctively sat back down. "How, uh... h-how did you do?"

She smiled and held up the test. "It wasn't perfect, but I got a 72!"

I did my best to smile back. "That sounds good, congratulations!"

She gave me a sarcastic smile. "Yeah, okay. You probably got, like, a hundred."

I chuckled nervously but said nothing.

"Anyway, I was, uh... wondering, would it be okay to like, keep going? I don't want this momentum to stop, you know? Especially if things might get harder from here."

They certainly were. "Um, yeah," I mumbled.

"Do you have a shift next Thursday?"

I brought up my phone, fumbling with it a bit, and looked up my work schedule. "Th-thursday is fine for me!"

She smiled triumphantly. "Great, see you then!" And with that, she walked away, leaving me alone in the class with Mrs. Li.

Mrs. Li looked at me approvingly. "I'm so glad to see she wants to keep going with it. Good job, Quinn! I knew you'd be the perfect tutor for her."

I didn't know about 'perfect,' but it sure was interesting.

***

When Morgan first got in the car with us, I didn't think much of it - Taylor would usually drive her home before going to the library to study with me - but this time was different. Taylor stopped as we got to the library, instead of going past it to Morgan's house. With me being who I was, I didn't say anything, although I thought perhaps she just forgot to go to Morgan's house first, until Morgan hopped out of the car with her.

Morgan went into the library with us, and sat down with us, pulling out her phone and ignoring us. Taylor practically acted like she wasn't there from that point onward, and encouraged me to get on with the lesson.

For the entire lesson, I was somewhat distracted. Why was Morgan there? It didn't make any sense. She was never here before. She wasn't taking the class. She wasn't even paying attention, she was just on her phone the whole time. Did Taylor suddenly not trust me or something? She didn't seem to give off that impression.

Taylor and I continued with the lesson. It went well, seeing as instead of cramming for a test, we were just recapping the lesson Mrs. Li just gave us, at our own pace. At some point Morgan stretched and got up.

"I'm gonna get McDonald's," Morgan lazily announced. She turned to us. "Want anything?"

She stared at me until I realized I was supposed to answer. "Oh. Uh, I don't really, uh, have the money for that."

She continued staring at me, and gave me a confused shrug. "So?"

Taylor rolled her eyes at me. "Get him a junior chicken burger. I'll get the usual nuggets."

"Cool," Morgan replied disinterestedly, and walked out of the library. My confused face turned to Taylor, who just had a slight smile on her face. "So, the lesson...?" she asked, nudging me.

I had no clue what was going on. I shook my head. "Um, yeah. So, uh, an event is written as A in probability. Its complement is written as A apostrophe. So, if an event has a one in four chance of happening, its complement has a three in-"

"I think she likes you."

I raised my head from my book. "Huh?"

"Morgan. I think she appreciates you. She doesn't do that to, like, a lot of people, you know," Taylor continued, as if this was the conversation we were having all along.

Oh," was all I could think to say.

"She normally hates anybody new I hang out with, even if it's for something like this."

"Your group seems to deal with people that disrespect you a lot, so I guess the bar isn't high there," I commented.

"Huh?"

"Well, like that Mitchell guy you guys were talking about. And you seem to have a lot of in-fighting."

"What's that?" she asked, leaning into the conversation.

"As in, your group disagrees and bickers more than other groups I've seen," I clarified.

"Do you think we don't get along?" she challenged me.

"No, it's just that it's different from what I'm used to. Maybe she likes me because I'm new." I gave Taylor a shy smile.

She returned it with a slight head shake. "I guess," she added with a light chuckle. "I think you don't give yourself enough credit."

"Credit for what? This is new to me."

"Talking is new to you?" she challenged me again.

I chuckled in frustration. "Yes," I agreed. "Talking to anyone that isn't a family member isn't something I do often."

"Well, Morgan thinks you do a good job," Taylor replied with a shrug.

"Does she do your thinking for you? What you think should be more important to you than what she thinks."

Taylor laughed and shook her head. "Oh, Quinn. Quinn? I'm a fucking idiot."

"Huh?" That wasn't the response I was expecting.

"I'm not good at figuring out who to trust, Quinn. I've dated some absolute scumbags before."

"Yeah, I could guess that," I admitted. "No offense."

"Even friends, it took me a long time to figure out, like, who I could even trust. Or who I could get along with," she continued. "Morgan is like the ultimate... knower of these things. She just has a gift for it."

"She seems like a very moral person," I said diplomatically. Of course, were I talking to someone else I may have used a different word, like judgmental, but hey.

We continued with our lesson until Morgan got back with a greasy bag of fast food and a tray of drinks. She tossed the bag on the table. "Is Coke okay, Quinn?" she asked me, putting a drink down in front of Taylor.

"Uh, yeah, but..." I looked up at the library's rules. "I hate to be a party pooper, but doesn't the library have a rule against food?"

Both of the girls looked at me weirdly, as if no person would ever bring that up. Taylor's look, though, soon turned into a cheeky grin. "I guess we'll have to go somewhere else. How does my place sound?"

I got hard immediately. I hated my mind sometimes. "Uh, I guess if we have food, we don't have much of a choice."

Morgan gave me a tired smile. "Okay," was all she said. She was a lot harder to read than Taylor. With that, we were soon in her car, on the way to Taylor's place. As usual, I sat in the back, and the convertible was open this time, so I couldn't even hear what Taylor and Morgan were talking about in the front seats, although I occasionally heard giggling.

When Taylor got home, she, Morgan and I all walked inside to find the same situation I saw the night prior - the same cleanliness to the house, her mom sitting in the exact same seat, probably doing the exact same thing for all I knew. We quickly filed into the basement.

Credit where it was due, Taylor was clearly a pragmatic person. Morgan went off to some other room in the basement, but Taylor pulled out her book and immediately resumed the lesson, albeit while eating a chicken nugget. I bashfully pulled out my food and began to eat too, making sure to never speak with my mouth full.

Eventually, Morgan returned, carrying a bottle of vodka. She gestured the bottle towards Taylor and smiled slightly.

Taylor grinned. "Morgannnn, I'm still doing my lesson," she whined. "If I start now it's gonna take forever. Just hold off for like, what, one hour?" She looked towards me.

I wasn't even fazed. "Yeah, about an hour, tops."

Morgan rolled her eyes. "I'm starting without you," she replied in a sing-song voice that I hadn't heard Morgan use before. She took a generous swig of her Coke and started to replace the empty space in her cup with vodka. Afterwards, she eyed me. "I assume you don't..."

Drinking. Another thing I had never done, and it sounded like a terrible idea to start now of all times. "Yeah, better not," I agreed. Morgan nodded and set the bottle aside, trying to swish the contents of her cup around without letting any spill. It was clear that, to Taylor, this was commonplace. I did my best to return to the lesson.

I was glad she had the foresight to wait on the drinking. After about twenty-five minutes, we had made more progress than we thought, so we elected to take a five-minute break. I had neglected my food so I turned back to it to eat. Taylor rolled over to Morgan and sat next to her, both of their backs on the wall, Taylor's head cutely moving down to Morgan's shoulder.

Morgan took full advantage of Taylor's new availability. "Oh my god, Taylor, look at this." She shoved her phone in Taylor's face. I wouldn't have called her drunk, but it was clear she was less stiff than usual.

"What?" Taylor grabbed the phone and looked intently at it. "What is it?"

"Just trust me, check it out," Morgan replied emphatically.

A few seconds passed before Taylor's free hand flew to her mouth. "Oh my God, Morgan!"

"Right?!" Morgan enthusiastically replied. "Ugh! It's seriously like every fucking time. Like, fuck, get a life!" She shook her head and took another drink. "He's so fucking clueless. Like, he - oh my god, I have to tell you this - I..." She paused, looking over at me, seemingly remembering I was in the room.

It took a lot of energy to prevent me from rolling my eyes. I still sighed, practically reading her mind. "I've probably heard worse. Go ahead."

"Thanks," she replied, turning back to Taylor. "So, like, I let him finger me last week, and he had no fucking idea what he was doing. No fucking idea! You'd think he was trying to start a fucking fire between my legs. Just up and down, no rhythm, no fucking - just no fucking - ugh!"

"Oh my God, I know!" Taylor replied enthusiastically. "Don't even get me started on boobs."

"Yes!" Morgan agreed. "I didn't even let Jerrad touch my boobs. He doesn't fuckin' deserve to! After what he did to my poor vagina I am not down to see him squeeze my boobs until it hurts and think I'm gonna cum from that."

"Mine have been so sensitive lately," Taylor commented, nudging one of hers.

That was my limit. I dunno how many guys had fantasies like this, but I felt too awkward to let this continue and coughed loudly.

Morgan lazily turned her head towards me. "Listen, Quinn. It may not have happened yet but you're going to need to please some girl someday yourself too. You should be taking notes about what we're saying!"

It may not have affected Morgan but the spell was definitely broken for Taylor. She turned a light pink and looked down at the floor. "Uh, morgan, if we're making him uncomfortable we should probably stop."

"Well, he didn't say he was uncomfortable. Are you uncomfortable, Quinn?" Morgan tested me.

"Well, I, uh..." I couldn't say it.

"See? He's probably just turned on or something. He's probably not used to, you know, the way we talk." Morgan turned to me and gave me a humorous 'fuck yeah' smile. "We own it!"

"Morgan, seriously..." Taylor protested.

"Seriously?" Morgan asked Taylor in turn. "Look, Quinn, whatever. You're a virgin, we get it, but we should be allowed to talk about what we want, okay? Just because you've never seen a pair of boobs doesn't mean we can't talk about ours."

Taylor was red by this point. "Morgan, I'm getting uncomfortable talking about this in front of Quinn. Can we stop?"

Morgan sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fiiiine. But as soon as the lesson ends and Quinn leaves we're talking about this."

I clicked my tongue. "Tell you what Taylor, it sounds like this is important to Morgan. Why don't you just drive me home now?"

"No, no, it's okay, we only have a bit to go," Taylor protested.

"Well, I'd... still like to go home now please. If that's okay."

There was silence for a few seconds. "Yeah, it's okay," Taylor said quietly, standing up. "Let's go. I'll be back in a few minutes, Morgan."

Morgan clearly didn't know what to say, so she defaulted to staring at her phone and shirking any responsibility for the situation. Taylor and I got our things together and quickly left, getting in her car, putting up the top of the car, and driving off without so much as a word.

"Sorry," Taylor eventually said after most of the drive was done. "Morgan's a good person, but sometimes she gets passionate about what she, like, says and..."

"It's fine. I just... too much, you know? Too much," I reasoned.

"Of course," she accepted graciously. "Thanks for not bringing up... the, uh..."

"There was nothing to bring up," I interrupted her. "Whatever you're thinking of never happened. I was just uncomfortable because, y'know, she started... being unfair." I chose my words carefully again.

Taylor smiled. "Yeah," she mumbled, mostly to herself. Eventually, we arrived at my place. "I, uh... yeah, sorry again."

I felt another surge of adrenaline bolt through me for whatever reason. "If it's hard to fit me into your regular lifestyle, that's okay, I'll accept that. I don't want you to feel as though I have to work with your friends and if I don't it's your fault. I mean, this is just tutoring. Right?"

Taylor's bashful smile faded. "Just tutoring?"

I sighed. "Okay, maybe this is the other side of the different worlds thing. I'm phrasing things wrong. I appreciate you and like you, I just assume that once this tutoring is over we'll drift away from each other."

Taylor was now definitely scowling. "That's really unfair to think of people like that."

I lowered my eyelids in a rare show of defiance. "Morgan used my lack of sexual experience to shame me for feeling uncomfortable."

Taylor still looked mildly angry, but didn't say a word. "Yeah, she did," she finally mumbled. "But what does that have to do with drifting away?"

"I just assume that we're in different worlds and you won't need me around after I finish tutoring you."

Taylor gave me a look of disbelief, then looked straight forward in discomfort. "I sent you that picture because I trusted you."

I looked from side to side. "I guess this is on me for assuming, but was this meant to be anything more than casual?"

"Well, no, but I don't just show anyone those kinds of things."

"You even said you didn't want to show me. What changed?"

"I felt-" She stopped herself.

I paused. "...Were you about to say, 'sorry for me?'" I asked, my turn to have a heat to my tone.

She sighed. "I-"

"If it was just that, I would have rather you not sent me anything."

"You literally asked me to! Do you think I would have sent you a nude without you asking me to first?!" she practically yelled.

I didn't say anything for a while. After a bit, my house neared. Taylor continued. "And if you decide to send my nude around as revenge for this, I'm gonna make sure you'll wish you were never born."

I gave her a weird look. "Why would I do that? You sent it to me privately. For my eyes only. I don't care if we just fought or whatever, I'm never not going to respect that."

Taylor gave yet another tired sigh. She put the car into park and looked up at the ceiling. "Are we angry at each other or not?" she finally demanded.

I had to give a small laugh. "I'm definitely okay with not being angry if you are." I cleared my throat. "Okay, so, let me try to untangle this. You sent me the nude because you felt bad that I'd never experienced anything like that."

Taylor took a second to process what I said and eventually nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay. And given that it seems like a business transaction from the outside, I assumed we aren't that special to each other and that I won't exactly stay in your social circle after tutoring ends or whatever."

"I just don't get what that means," she began. "What does 'not special' mean? It sounds, like, harsh."

"Okay, then let me rephrase," I replied. "I assume that... despite this new element... what we have... isn't special to you, and I accept that. Because, like, it's clear you can get sex easily, so that doesn't play into it, and we only see each toher because I can teach you math, and I'm okay with that too. I don't think we'd have a lot to talk about if we ever hung out outside from math tutoring, right? Plus, not to pull the stereotype out, but you're one of the most popular girls in school and I'm a gifted kid."

"You just say that like it's impossible for either of us to see the other as, like, an equal," Taylor replied with slight disgust. "And that just makes me think you don't see me as your equal."

"I mean, I don't. I see you as my superior," I replied with a slight humorous smile. "You have friends, you can charm any teacher into an extension, you have way different hobbies and pastimes than me, and you, uh, haaaaave a reallyattractivebody." I mumbled the last part. "We're in entirely different worlds here."

Taylor shrugged at me. "You have a twin. He's popular."

"Yeah, he says that too. But, like, he knows how to socialize and I don't, and he has connections to popular kids and can go to parties, and he looks more attractive. It's just not fair to compare us."

"I actually find him less attractive than you," Taylor bluntly said.

I stopped in my tracks. "...Really?" I finally asked.

"Yeah," she replied, then smirked. "Don't get any ideas."

"Yeah, yeah, of course. Um... huh. Thanks."

Taylor shook her head and giggled again. "Believe in yourself more, Quinn. And yeah, it's not like we're going to hang out doing anything else together, but it doesn't mean I don't appreciate your company when we do hang out. It's just that we're going to hang out in, like, certain ways. It looks like you wouldn't want to drink with Morgan and me and talk about sex anyway."

Morgan and I. "Yeah, good point," I admitted.

Taylor took her purse out from between the seats and found a twenty dollar bill for me. I waved it away. "Keep it," I ordered. "It was a half lesson anyway."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

I gave a nervous chuckle-sigh. "The, um, payment you gave me last time could pay for the whole year if you wanted." I admitted, blushing.

She shook her head and laughed again. "Okay," she told me. "See you next week?"

"See you then," I politely replied, exiting the car.

***

It was nice talking things out with Taylor, but she wasn't the only one I needed to talk to. Over the weekend, I got a text from, who else, Morgan.

Hey Quin. sorry for the stuff I said yesterday, I was just blowing off some steam, its how I unwind when me and Taylor hang out

I stared at the text for a few seconds, my tongue running over my top row of teeth in thought. After a bit, I reasoned to myself that I was here for Taylor's benefit, not Morgan's.

It's "Quinn." Do you always unwind by pointing and laughing that I'm a virgin and that I get flustered around sexual topics, or is that only when I'm there? What was that you told me about acting like you're better than others?

It felt a bit vindictive, but I hit send anyway. At the end of the day, I'd rather Morgan be not talking to me and think less of me than misspelling my name and assuming she could walk all over me anyway. I don't know what kind of response I was expecting from here, but I never received one, and that suited me just fine.