Foreword:
My entry into the Winter Holidays Contest. It's a short First Time scene set in an English market town back in the late 70s. Some of the terms and expressions might seem odd to some readers, but I hope the context in which I've used them gives an indication of meaning and doesn't interrupt any flow.
Apologies for any errors which remain in the text.
Feedback is appreciated, as ever.
Thank you for reading.
GA -- Calpe, Spain -- 25th of November 2015.
***
"You are quite good-looking," she said, shrugging and adding, "But for me ... you are just a little too nice." Sabrina leaned across to pick up the empty glass from the table in front of me. "Another?" she asked.
I sat there, surprised and mortified while Dave sniggered behind his hand. "Yeah, get him a pint," he said to Sabrina. He showed her his own empty glass. "And I'll have another."
She took both pint pots and turned to go back to the bar, Dave's eyes fixed to the curve of her buttocks packed into her jeans.
"Sorry," said Dave. "I shouldn't have asked her."
"Too nice?" I said, face tilted towards the top of the table, genuinely bemused by the news. I looked up at Dave. "How can I be
too
nice? How can that be right?"
"Some birds like lads to be a bit edgy, a bit ... dangerous," he said.
"Don't be daft," I replied.
Dave shrugged, pulling a face. "It's true." He thrust his chin towards the bar. "Didn't you hear what she just said?"
"Well, yeah, but she can't mean it that way, surely."
I was nineteen and dogged by clinging virginity, my latest attempt to rid myself of the shameful condition rebuffed. I had a thing for Sabrina, as did most other blokes in the pub. She was the same age as me, an exquisite German girl with honey-blonde hair and a penchant for Rod Stewart and tight-fitting blue jeans. The rumour was she shaved her muff, which was considered slightly deviant in the winter of 1978, especially in parochial North Yorkshire, and I was horny as a dog with two cocks to find out if the rumours were true.
Sabrina worked as a barmaid in the Hyde Park pub, hence our presence at a table in the bar, and I suspect she was the draw for quite a few of the men present on that cold December night. Good beer and a good-looking barmaid: a recipe for success.
"Yeah, she does," said Dave, answering my question. "It's like this," he went on. "Look at me, I'm hardly David-fuckin'-Essex, am I?"
This was true, Dave wasn't exactly blessed by the good looks fairy. "Well, all right, so what?" I replied.
"Well," he continued, leaning in to rest his forearms on top of the table between us. "I've had a few shags..." Dave paused to let this sink in. "How do you think I manage it?"
I blinked at him, clueless.
"They laugh their knickers off, Rob."
"What?" I asked, getting more and more confused.
He sighed and rolled his eyes. "I make the birds
laugh
. They like me because I'm funny."
"But you said they liked a bloke to be edgy, a bit dangerous. How can being funny be dangerous?"
Dave sighed again, his forehead dropping into his palm. "Jesus-fuckin'-Christ," he muttered, then brought his eyes back up to me. "Are you totally fuckin' dense, or what? I'm not saying
I'm
dangerous, you daft twat ... that's the way
I
get into their knickers. But her," he added, nodding at Sabrina as she approached with a pint in each hand. "Well, it's obvious, Rob. She likes the cunts."
Sabrina's arrival curtailed my next question. She put the beers down in front of us and held out a palm for the money. Dave gave her some coins and threw a clever a quip her way to make her laugh, which she did before playfully pushing him on one shoulder.
"You are a very bad man," said Sabrina, eyes glittering at Dave. Some flirting followed, with more chuckles coming from the barmaid.
"See?" Dave said, taking the top off his beer after we both watched Sabrina hip-sway away.
"Cunt," I responded, spitting the epithet as a sign of frustration.
Dave laughed and pointed at my beer. "Drink that, it'll make you feel better."
"Do you reckon she'd let you shag her?" I asked.
Dave pulled a face, shaking his head. "Not a chance," he replied. "I told you, she likes the twats. Probably likes it rough ... Maybe even up her arse."
"She's nineteen!" I exclaimed, appalled at the suggestion Sabrina could be so depraved.
"So fuckin' what?" Dave looked at me like I was some kind of idiot. "It's bloody obvious, Rob. Jesus, you really don't have any fuckin' clue!"
I was about to protest, and probably get shirty, but Dave happened to glance across the bar when the front door opened.
"Ah, there's Paddy," he said. "Sorry, Rob, got to go and say hello. He might have a bit of business for me."
Dave picked up his beer, leaving me alone at the table while he plotted with Paddy, a former jockey-turned-entrepreneur whose business deals hovered around the periphery of shady. Paddy was the sort of wheeler-dealer who did a lot of wheeling and dealing in pubs.
I sipped my beer and pondered my lot, an island of thought amid the hubbub around me. There was chatter and laughter of the primarily male variety, the Hyde Park wasn't a place for the ladies, although they would come later, as would the hard drinkers, which is when the fights would begin. But, for the moment, the buzz was a happy one, the atmosphere convivial at five in the afternoon a couple of weeks before Christmas, a stratum of smoke clinging to the ceiling like a layer of blue icing running through a cake. The bar was filling up at the end of a day's work, which was something I'd been avoiding for the past couple of weeks.
"Paddy's got some Christmas trees," I heard Dave say.
It took a moment to realise my friend was back in his seat. I'd been thoroughly engrossed with thinking about what Sabrina had said, his return going unnoticed.
"What?" I said, blinking at him.
"Fuckin' Christmas trees."
"What about them?"
"Paddy's got some."
It felt like I'd slipped into some other world. I had no idea what Dave was jabbering about. "So what?"
"Look, do you want to make a few bob?" asked Dave with a frustrated roll of his eyes.
"Doing what?"
"Jesus fuckin' Christ!" Dave spluttered. "Helping me, you docile twat. I can get a few orders and you can help me deliver them."
"Deliver what?" I replied, still not getting it.
"Look," said Dave, continuing his sentence while speaking very slowly and clearly and slightly robotic. "Paddy ... Has a few Christmas trees ... Do ... you ... want ... to ... help ... me ... deliver ... them ... If I get a few orders?" he finished.
I looked at him, present concerns put aside at the prospect of earning. "How much?"
Typically Dave, he went all shifty, as I'd expected, eyes narrowing, lips pursing in a moue of concentration. "Two quid for a day," he said after a pause.
I laughed in his face. "Fuck off. A fiver at least."