Lust and Desire

“You do love me?” she asked in a whisper full of conviction, yet filled with implicit pleading and hope. The question seemed to go through my body like a rusty knife, tearing through my entrails and shriveling the small flame of my own pathetic infatuation.

“Jake, Jake are you listening to me?” Pauline demanded, the irritation in her voice a clear warning. I did not recognise it as such; as my attention was secretly focused on the table to my side and slightly behind me.

“Huh? Yes, sure, what? Sorry” I mumbled vaguely as I dragged my attention away from my supposedly hidden and real interest, and focused once again on the girl opposite me. Her pretty face now held a frown. It really did not suit her, this frown.

She was not tall, 5’3” maybe, with large breasts that demanded, and got, attention. Her dark hair was braided into long pigtails that emphasized her cuteness. Her white blouse was struggling to contain her assets but also set off her creamy complexion nicely. She wore only a light pink lipstick on full lips and some delicate eyeliner to emphasize her usually smiling brown eyes. They were not smiling right now.

“Listen, if you’re bored, just say so…” she said softly, her words expressing the hurt she felt at my non-attention without saying so. This much, at least, I could see.

It really was no way to treat her. And especially after last night, when she had wrapped those warm lips around my cock so freely and wonderfully. And what’s more, she genuinely seemed to like me. Why was that? Why the hell was it, that the girls I fancied did not recognise my existence, and those that did, held no real appeal to me?

I hated myself for leading this girl on in such a callous way; she really was nice, and deserved better. Certainly deserved better than me. Last night she had taken me home, and there in her front room, she had shown me more attention than I could have dreamed about. It was our second date, so I must have done something right on the first one, definitely a result.

I was surprised how forward she was. We had only just sat down upon the sofa when she simply turned to me and kissed me full on the lips, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling herself to me. The warm and eager press of her lips, her tongue probing my mouth, was sensational - but not as sensational as her large firm breasts pushed up against my chest. Those simply set me on fire.

I was not used to having girls take an interest in me. So, when they did, I was grateful. Even if I did not actually, in fact, much fancy them. Well, when I say ‘them’, I actually mean only ‘one’. Not many girls take the initiative. This one did. Girls were a complete and utter mystery to me. For the most part, they still are.

So I admit that I took full advantage of her obvious, if puzzling, interest in me. I was more than flattered. As she kissed me, her passion inflamed me. I dared to move my free hand up to touch her right breast, still afraid I would receive a stinging slap for my presumption, but non came, and I felt for the first time that wonderful warmth and strangely exciting firm softness under my hand.

She moaned and kissed me even harder, sucking fiercely now on my tongue as I massaged her breast, she moved her body more to the side to allow me further access to her delights.

I fumbled inexpertly and desperately with opening her blouse buttons, eventually revealing a lovely expanse of smooth flesh held deliciously in a lacy black bra. My heart was pounding as my hand slipped inside to explore, taking one whole breast fully, the hard nipple in the palm of my hand like a kernel.

I was painfully hard, my penis bent, straining against the restricting fabric of my pants. She sensed my not so restrained desperation. Her hand slid down my chest, inching towards my lap. The direction her hand was taking excited me further, and I hoped I was not to be disappointed.

At last, I felt the soft press of her hand alighting upon the bulge of my desire. I stopped my kissing of her for a second as I let out a groan of satisfaction at her touch. She wrapped her fingers over the hidden width of my erection, then squeezed, feeling my hardness, testing my desire, taking another hungry kiss from me as she did so.

I was helpless and in her control, she could do what she liked with me. And she did. Finding my zipper she pulled it down, allowing my hardness to spring free into the cool air. Her fingers quickly traced featherlike over my length, wrapping themselves over the flared head, tracing its ridges, before sliding back down the shaft, pulling on the soft skin, finally gripping me tightly at the base, hard.

I broke off the kiss, unable to concentrate, my mind was down in my cock, and my cock was within her hand. I let my head fall back against the sofa as I luxuriated in her touch. I could already feel my balls begging to burst, and the start of the inevitable rush to orgasm.

I fought the rising tide, not wanting her to stop, wanting the pleasure to continue. Then I felt a warm breeze wash over the sensitive skin of my now bursting penis, and I knew I would be unable to withhold my quickly building explosion much longer.

She knew I was close, as the warmth of her breath was immediately replaced by an exquisite wetness as her lips closed over the desperately swollen glans, enveloping me in the heat of her luscious, wet mouth.

My hips jerked and my body shuddered as she slid her lips further down, taking me deeper within her, then finally, wonderfully, swallowing me fully, I felt the head of my cock pressed now against the back of her throat. But only for a split second, as she then quickly withdrew my length almost fully, before once again sucking me slowly and deeply inside her hot mouth.

I writhed and groaned under her attentions; fighting to prolong the sweet sensations she was giving me. But, as I said, she must have known how close I was, for she abandoned her teasing and began eagerly and fiercely sucking me, almost demanding my orgasm.

I stared down at the incredible sight, breathless and panting as I watched my swollen and hard penis, so long ignored, disappear magically into her mouth, her lips stretched lewdly over the width of the purple head of my bursting cock, before then sliding down the ridged shaft.

With a shout, I released myself into her, unable to hold back further. My eyes closed tightly, I moaned deeply as I rode the hot flood rushing in eager thick waves, pulsing quickly along the length of my cock to burst painfully, fantastically, onto her lapping and demanding tongue.

She drained me, emptying me of my strength and desperation, taking all my essence hungrily, as I writhed in the delicious orgasm. Nothing could have prepared me for that fantastic first experience. Not my dreams. Not my fantasies.

And yet, here I was, sitting and ignoring her.

The problem was, well the problem was that I had the hots for someone else. My heart lay elsewhere.

It lay in fact, at the table by my side and just behind me. There, the girl of my dreams was gazing sickeningly into the smirking face of Rob. Handsome, rugged, Rob. A complete bastard, but only I seemed to know that. To Fiona, my girl, he was simply her hero.

“You do love don’t you Rob? “ she asked, and I felt the familiar pain once more. There is nothing worse than unrequited love.

I was distracted, tuning in to what she was saying to him, what he was saying to her. They seemed lost in each other, oblivious of those around them, all watching covertly what they were doing. How could they not? Both were stunning in their own way.

Rob, tall, strong and hideously good looking, had his pick of the girls; they always threw themselves at him, at his very slightest invitation, or even less than that. And he indulged them often, leading to many tearful sessions from Fiona, his betrayal wounding her, though seemingly strengthening her desire for him.

I told you I don’t understand women. I did my best to comfort her on these occasion, though my help was not appreciated for what it was, which was not so much as sympathy, but more a desperate attempt to get close to her in some way. It never worked anyway.

It’s strange how two people can lose themselves in each other whilst in a room full of strangers. Fiona and Rob were in that weird ‘bubble’ you see around lovers sometimes.

I could see others watching them, envying them, just as I was covertly watched them.

I was wasting my time, I knew.

One day Rob was attacked by a gang and beaten up, not badly, but beaten. I brought out the shoulder for the required sobbing. Though my shirt was getting damp, I had Fiona in my arms, and that was pretty good. I had just avoided getting beaten-up myself, and when I mentioned this, she said she wished it had been me rather than him that had received the beating. I admit that hurt, but I didn’t react. Not then. That was reserved for much later, when I was alone.

Still I listened, listened to the whispered words and plans between them, wishing I could not hear - yet still straining harder for each tormenting word. What the hell did she see in him?

Then the hall bell rang, its strident clanging jolting everyone into action, chairs were pushed away, bags grabbed and slung over shoulders. The hall we were in quickly emptied.

Pauline grabbed my hand. The frown now replaced with a smile. Did she understand or suspect? Of course she did. Women do. I still don’t understand them; why they stand by lost male causes, see so much good in so much bad.

“See you after school?” she said just a little too brightly.

“Umm, sure, yeah.” I clumsily replied, very glad that she had asked. She was cute. I did like her. She deserved better. I gave her a quick kiss on the lips before quickly turning away to hide the inevitable blush that immediately arose on my cheeks. Shit, I hated that! She had closed her eyes at my kiss. I noticed that with amazement. A warm feeling returned to my broken teenage heart in that moment.

God! I remembered thinking; I can’t wait till next year when I will be older, wiser, and at nineteen, almost free of these conflicting, confusing, teenage years.