I walked up the path to the front door of yet another rather dour 1930's semi-detached house with an intense feeling of 'why bother!' By far the vast majority of these houses were occupied by the retired and the elderly, who were far too old for the insurance I was selling, and this one looked to be no exception! The windows looked drab and dismal, the lawn was patchy and moss infested, the shrubs were unkempt and over-grown, and the leggy rose bushes were obviously as prehistoric as I assumed the owner would be! So why did I put myself through it? Well just occasionally the door would open to reveal a young couple just starting out and, having recently bought the property, had not yet given it a bright modern face-lift! These were gems! Almost invariably they had yet to take out more than the minimal insurance required for their mortgage and they could be rich pickings indeed! So with this in mind I trudged up and down path after path, explaining my mission to suspicious, half-deaf old bats who were sure you were after either their antique furniture or their antique bodies! So you'll understand that I couldn't have looked the picture of enthusiasm as I stood and waited for the Westminster chimed door bell to be answered.
The door cracked open and out bounded the obligatory trio of white toy poodles who promptly circled my legs, yapping their war-cries like Indians around a wagon train! I had learned from painful experience not to take my eyes away from such warriors until their chief called them back to camp, so I stood motionless from the waist down, swivelling my top half in order to forestall any hit and run attacks on my ankles, and waited for an ancient voice to issue from the gloom and call the 'darlings' back to 'mummy'!
"Kitchen!" The voice was female and firm, but sweet and easy on the ear and instantly obeyed by the three white bundles who bounded back up the steps still barking out dire warnings! My eyes pursued them as they disappeared into the house past a pair of denim clad legs as female and as firm as the voice. My eyes promptly forgot about the dogs and followed the legs northward past the jeans and crop top to a mane of golden brown hair. This woman was something! There are women who are beautiful, but in a china doll sense, lovely to look at but strictly ornamental! Then there are others whose beauty is a living thing. See a photo and see just pleasant features, but meet them in life and they ooze an animal magnetism that transcends all traditional concepts of beauty and stops a man in his tracks. This was such a woman. She was around 5'5" tall and slim, not over endowed up front, but with a flat stomach, wide hips and blue eyes that saw into your soul! High cheek bones and a tomboyish smile on full lips completed a picture that had part of me suddenly standing a good ten inches closer to her than the rest! Oh, ok then, maybe seven inches at a push! But, God, she was sexy!
Eventually I managed to concentrate on why I was there I the first place and, somewhat hesitantly, make my sales pitch. To my surprise, 'yes' she said, they would be interested in more cover, especially sickness or accident cover, but 'no' she never did anything without her husband being present β so much for one idea I'd been toying with! Could I come back after eight one evening? You bet I could, how about tomorrow?
The next evening at almost exactly a minute after eight I was back knocking on the same door. This time it was answered by a tall, almost skinny man, with dark hair, a darkly tanned face and a hatchet nose. He somehow reminded me of an emaciated Red Indian, though maybe it was the poodles once more circling my legs that brought that thought to mind, but they were wagging their tails this time!
"Phil Bourne?" He asked, and when I nodded he broke into a grin and stuck out his hand! "Richard Farrell, come in won't you, and ignore these creatures, they're just introducing themselves!" He indicated the dogs, who followed us noisily into the hall before skittering off down the polished oak floor towards the kitchen while we humans executed a smart left wheel into the living room.
"You remember Liz from yesterday, don't you?"
'Do I ever' I thought to myself, she looked even better in white slacks and a cheese cloth gypsy blouse! Cheese cloth for God's sake! It was damn near transparent and her nipples were visible! "Yes, nice to see you again." I said, and meant it!
I won't bore you with the business details! Suffice it to say that it was conducted very amicably over a glass of Richard's home made wine β very nice, but bloody strong!
There are a couple of things worth mentioning, apart from my difficulty in keeping my eyes from Liz's breasts! For one thing, their ages. I'd got Richard to about thirty, and he came out at thirty-one, and Liz at about twenty-two or three, but she was actually twenty-nine! Wow!
The other thing happened as I was about to leave. Richard spotted me looking at a rack of unlabelled video tapes. Now, most people label their tapes, you know, 'Holiday in Spain' β 'Auntie Jane's Wedding', and so on. The only ones that tend not to carry labels are those of, shall we say, an adult nature! But when he saw that I'd seen them, instead of steering me away, he asked if I'd like to take one with me, "Bring it back tomorrow evening when you bring the medical forms!" He said, pulling one out and handing it to me. "It's quite a good one, you'll enjoy it!"
He was right. It was good and I did enjoy it. Probably the fact that it was obviously an amateur tape of two people genuinely enjoying what they were doing (which was pretty much everything) helped! Especially as it was well lit, clear, and well edited! Shame that Liz wasn't in it, but that was just too much to ask! Anyway, I watched it with a busy right hand, and had it with me to return when I went back the next night. Though I was still a little puzzled as to why he should lend it out so easily!
I was greeted at the door like a long lost cousin. Even the poodles did the hind leg walk and waved their front paws for attention and Richard pumped my hand so enthusiastically he almost pulled me into the lounge.
"Come in Phil, come in, and make yourself at home - wine?
"No, I'll leave that to the dogs if you don't mind"
I think that just for a moment he had a mental image of a poodle with a wine glass in its paws, 'cos a very confused look flitted across his face before the penny dropped and he interpreted my feeble pun as a joke. At least he had the good grace to laugh a little as crossed to the cabinet to pour the wine!
"Sit yourself down." He said and I plonked myself in one corner of their lovely leather sofa with a glass of pleasant but potent homemade wine.