It was a Friday night and I was between girlfriends. Meaning if I was going to get some I'd have to work for it. Despite all the times my mother called me her "handsome boy," it didn't help me get laid. Nice to hear for the hundredth time but it didn't turn me into a smooth-tongued Casanova that the ladies dropped their panties for.
Sorry. I hate when I whine like that.
Still it was a Friday night and the only plan was to go bowling with my brother, drink too much beer, and fall down in the lane. Yeah, yeah. It's happened before.
So it was around six o'clock on a Friday night, if I hadn't told you that already, and we were getting gussied up. Shower, shave, cologne, and fifteen minutes of combing our hair. Finally we were ready to go. Smokin! I had to work tomorrow so we drove separately. We chased each other down the highway to the bowling alley twenty miles away. I had a hand-me down Cutlass and he was in his big-assed Mustang. Needless to say, he didn't see my tail lights the whole way. My car struggled just to keep his brake lights in sight and I didn't catch up to him until we pulled into the parking lot.
"You need a new car."
"Uh huh. At least my car doesn't use up a gallon every time I push the pedal to the floor. You probably used up fifteen gallons just getting here."
"Uh huh. But I looked good doing it."
"Bite me and your huggy bear carpet."
"Yeah, yeah. And you still begged me to let you take it to the Prom."
"Fine. I'm gonna see if John's left yet. Can you get me some ten-and-a-halfs then I'll be there."
"Sure." and he headed inside as I'm pulled out my flip phone and called my best friend. The phone rang and rang until finally someone picked up.
"Andrews residence." said his mother.
"Mrs. A. How you doing?"
"David, I'm so glad to hear your voice. Do you need us to come bail you out again?"
"That is so wrong. I miss not knowing you had a sense of humor."
"Well, you've been around for so long it means we don't have to treat you like a guest anymore. You'll have to start using the side door from now on."
"Okay. Now I can't remember why I called."
"You wanted to know where my son is and why he isn't there."
"That's it. Something come up?"
"I hate to say it David, but he got a call from his cousin Rita. She needed someone to take her across the bridge. He knew you'd understand."
"Did he now? He dissed his two brothers to go out on a fleeting encounter with Rita? He's needs to get his priorities straight."
"David, I can hear the BS ramping up. So let me ask you a favor then I'll let you go."
"Sure. You know I'd anything for you."
"I know and I appreciate it. John's tied up and we're hoping you can pick up Wanda from work and bring her home."
"Course I will. We're down in Easton anyway. Do you know when she gets off?"
"She's eighteen and she's worked too many hours this week. She'll be done at 10 p.m. or I'll know the reason why."
"So she can work thirty hours but not thirty one?"
"Son, wait until you have children, then you'll understand."
"Alright, I'll get her home, Mom." She chuckled at that. She and her family had known me since kindergarten and they treated me like the neighbor's dirty little boy from down the street.
"Thank you. I knew we could depend on you. Try not to stay out too late." and hung up on me
'Stay out too late?' I said to myself. I'd been treating Wanda with kid gloves since kindergarten. Her parents would never have forgiven me if I gave into curiosity and dragged her into the back seat of my car.
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I headed inside to find my brother and my shoes and we got down to business.
"John coming?"
""No, he had to give his cousin a ride across the bridge. Obviously he never heard of bro's before ho's." He got a good laugh out of that.
"Didn't you go out with a girl named Sharon once?"
"Nope. Never." I said as I started tying up my shoes.
"Huh. You're so full of shit. Once she took your cherry we didn't see you all summer."
"We weren't having sex." I said as I tossed my first ball. "We were planning bible study."
He chuckled quite a bit over that as he tossed his first ball. "Please. Having a preacher for a father made us less religious than more, along with all the 'saved' girls we met during the summer. Do you know how much effort.. Fuck, a strike!... it took to get down Maggie's pants?"
"Uh huh. From what I could tell it didn't take longer than two weeks or am I wrong?"
"You know we crawled under the pier and did the wild thing under there?"
"Jesus Christ. There were thirty buildings on the property and you had to crawl under the pier to fool around?"
"This'll kill you. It was her idea."
"Mmm. That's sexy."
"Yes it was. Please tell me you're helping me drink this beer,"
"I called home for John but his mother said he was occupied. Then she twisted my arm and asked me to pick up his little sister from McDonald's at 10 o'clock."
"Oh you snake. So I have to drink all this beer and you finally have an opportunity to get down her pants."
"Nope and even if I did I wouldn't tell you, big mouth that you have. You'd dangle it in front of John and he'd strangle me in my sleep."
"Let alone what her father would do to you."
"Yeap. Now I'm gonna crush you." He just grinned at me, knowing I was trying to change the subject.
In the end we played three games. I won the first one and him the next two. For some reason the more he drank the better he got. When it was 9:30 we wrapped it up and as the loser I had to pay. I grumbled all the way to our cars and his parting words were, "So you lost. Out of the two of us, you're the only one that has a chance of getting laid tonight."
"Oh god. I'd better put her in the backseat."
"That's the idea. Good luck." and roared off in that twenty foot car of his.
I just shook my head. "It's a freaking minefield." and drove off across town to the McDonalds.
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It didn't take too long to get there and I was there fifteen minutes early. So I snuck in the back and took a seat. I played on my phone for a bit but hey, it was a flip phone for Pete's sake. Still I kept an eye out for her and saw her head out the door. Back and forth, back and forth, she walked up and down the sidewalk. She looked kind of pissed. I wonder who she thought was picking her up? Finally she'd had enough and came inside to use the phone.
When she pushed the door open she saw me sitting in the back, engrossed in my phone. She was still a bit miffed and came over to stand in front of me. Finally her patience ran out.
"David!" I jumped a foot.
"Jeez Wanda! What are you doing here?"
"You are so brain dead. Does the uniform not tell you something?"
I squinted like I was blind. "McDonalds. I didn't know you worked here. Are you just getting here or going home?"
She was almost tapping her foot. "I just clocked out but my brother's not here to pick me up! What are you doing here?"
"I'm on a date. She's in the lady's room touching up her make-up." Boy, I could toss some BS.
A growl escaped her. She was hoping she had a ride home but it wasn't looking good. "So where are you going now?"
"We had dinner and a movie and now we're going to find some place to park and fog up the windows."
"Oh freaking A! I'll be walking twenty miles home and you'll be parked in the shadows somewhere. Can't you change your plans so you can take me home?"
I sighed heavily. "Wanda, do you know how much effort it took to get this girl to go out with me? If it doesn't happen tonight it'll never happen. Why are you asking me to do this?"
"You freaking butthead! After all the things I've done for you and you can't do this one thing for me?"
"You're a pain the ass. Fine but you're going to owe me."
"Fine." and slumped down on the chair next to me. We both looked up as a twenty-something girl came out of the lady's room. She gave us a look then walked out the door.
"That was your date? Isn't that your babysitter?"
"Look at what you did. You wait here." and I stormed out the door and went around the corner. Wanda came out the door looking for me, afraid I was going to leave her high and dry. Finally I came back around the corner in a huff.