I never suspected that summer morning when I begam my daily 4 mile run minutes after sunrise that my life was about to chamge forever. I'm 38 years old, divorced and sometimes feel lonely.
My X husband Keith is a good catch for most girls, but not for this girl. I had married him mainly to satisfy the family's expectations: find a nice guy, start a family. No one realized that I was not in love with him.
Anyway I got married barely two years after college and divorced two years later at age 26. The past 12 years have seen me apparently content to remaim single. I had no interest in men and was bashful about pursuing women. That's not to say I didn't fantasize about what I would do with a woman.
As the sun moved in the sky and the colors changed from orange and pink to blue my Nikes smacked the pavement. My arms swung and the blond ponytail bounced.
A pink sports bra supported "the girls". I wore navy-blue leggings.
A mile into my run I saw her. She was coming toward me on the sidewalk, her black lab leading the way. I like dogs, though sometimes they make me nervous.
"He dosen't bite," remarked the owner,
The owner looked familiar from my high school days so I stopped to chat and pet the animal.
"Did you attend West Sayville high school?"
"Yes I did," she replied.
"Joann Kessler?"
"And you're Stephanie Caruso," she replied.
Joann Kessler and I did not hang out with the same clique. She was an out lesbiam. I, on the other hand, was boy crazy. At least that was the impression I gave the world. The last thing I wanted back then was to be seen as someone who likes girls. Now that I'm older,and more mature, as are my peers, part of me dosen't care what others think.
Jo looks much different than the teenager I once knew. Her black hair is cut short even for a man's style, a style she never wore back in the day. There's also a lesbian tatoo of girls kissing on her left forearm.
"Do you run every morning?"
"Yah, usually before work," I replied.
"Where's work?"
"Long Islamd Community Hospital, I'm a nurse," I replied.
"I'm a graphics designer."
I had been running in place while we were getting reacquainted.
Apparently realizing that I wanted to get to the finish line before going to the job she let me go, but not without an invitation.
"If you're not doing anything Saturday morning let's meet for coffee."
"Sure," I replied.
It was to be another long day in the OR. I had assisted in four surgeries that day but somehow managed to relax in our lounge and chit chat with colleagues.
On Saturday morning at 9 o'clock Joann waved to me from a leather cushion chair inside the CoHo cafe. I settled into the chair facing my former classmate across a small round table.
Chat came easily and touched on a wide variety of topics: anecdotes from high school days, anecdotes about our current lifes, teachers, extra carricula activities, books, authors, TV shows and the actors in them.
I mentioned having a husband and being divorced for 12 years. Other than that I did not share many details about my marriage.
"Keith is a good guy and we're still friends. It just didn't feel right."
Jo mentioned a relationship with Beth Longfellow, a truly surprising revelation.
"Really?!" I remarked. "I never would've taken her for gay."
Jo nodded. "She was marching in her first pride parade, and just out of the closet a month before. We were 3 years out of high school."
We had been sitting in CoHo for more than an hour when I finally found the courage to reveal my secret.
"I'm gay."
Jo did not reply so I spoke without inhibitions.
"My marriage lasted just two years before I asked for the divorce. He asked why I wanted to disolve the marriage and that was the moment I came out."
"Did you cry?"
I nodded. "It felt like I was losing a good friend. I hated to hurt him like that."
"I was in love with Beth for five years. I asked her to marry me and raise family together. She said she didn't want children then left the relationship."
"Keith and I grew up next door to each other. He was a senior when you and I were freshmen. He's good friends with my brother Ken."
"So when did you guys start dating?"
"It was on and off from my senior year then all through college. I was two years out of college when we finially tied the knot. I was 24. He was 27."
We left the cafe and started a long walk that brought us to Shore Front park.
As we gazed across the calm water toward the barrier island the urge to kiss her struck me hard. My lips touched hers. The kiss deepened. She draped her arms around my shoulders. My hands found her waist. The kiss lasted several seconds before we broke apart slightly out of breath. She put her forehead against mine.
"That was my first lesbian kiss. I've wanted it for a long long time but never dared to dream it would happen."
