Mr. Miller drove a grey BMW. At the time, it was the coolest car I had ever seen, or been in. Mr. Miller always let me listen to my radio stations too. He always made comments like; "This is cool. I can listen to this." He always sounded like such an old guy when he tried too talk about music, or movies, or school. But, all he really wanted was to connect with me.
It was a 20 minute drive from my house to the Miller's. At least, for my mom it was a 20 minute drive; Mr. Miller always took 30 or so. However, tonight I wasn't paying any attention to the radio or to Mr. Miller's slow driving. Tonight all I could think about was what I had done and if I would get caught. I would never be able to look at the Miller's again! I was embarrassed just thinking of the lecture my mom would give.
"You seem a little distracted. You got something on your mind Jenny?" Mr. Miller said
"I'm sorry was I spaced out?" I laughed. "My mind was on some things. You know the usual stuff." I said.
"Well, what is usual stuff these days? And I bet a lot hasn't changed. Oh, the names will always change, but the problems stay the same." He said.
"I guess so."
Mr. Miller sighed.
Looking back I realize his frustration. Connecting with people at the age of 18 or 19 is hard. They think everything is unique to them. That they have some idea about how the real world works and how people are suppose to act. But they don't. And I was no different. That knowledge only comes from living. I read a quote one time in a college literature class. It said experience is something we call our mistakes. I can't remember who said it, but it's true enough.
"School work getting tougher is just a fact of life. Boy trouble? Is it peer pressure? Mr. Miller said.
"No. None of those really is really my problem, but yeah all of those. Kind'a." I don't know what the hell I was trying to say to him with that. I just wanted to give him some answer besides the truth.
"Oh I see." He said.
I had to smile at that.
"You know Jenny I'm not a bad guy. You can talk to me. I mean really talk to me. If you wanted too talk that is. I know what you're going through. At least, I think I do. I didn't have a father growing up either. And I just want you to know that there are things people figure out when they are older that they wish they would have known when they were younger. Do you understand?" He said
"I think so." I said
He smiled as he said; "I know you're a pretty young freshman. I bet the boys hang on your every word huh?"
I didn't know how to answer that. In fact, after a pause to let the awkwardness fade I spoke without thinking.
"Well, sometimes they do, but I don't really get boys. I mean, I know they want to be flirted with." I paused because I realized that I had just purposed an actually inner question to someone I really didn't know that well and a grown man at that. "Well, they want to be flirted with by one girl, but then that's not enough, because they run off to another girl and another and another after that." I spoke very softly.
"Well Jenny sometimes guys will do anything to make a girl smile. The trick to playing the game well is, well, not giving in to soon and not holding out too much. If you know what I'm saying." He said
I blushed as I thought back to James. I certainly made him smile.