It started with a football match: My friends and I had long planned to meet at the pub and sink a couple of beers while watching the Manchester United v Liverpool fixture on the TV. The game then got re-scheduled to suit either the TV Company or perhaps the Police for security purposes and was now to be played at midday on Sunday; that clashed with a lunch date I had with my girlfriend Karen and her parents.
Karen gave me the whole "who's more important to you?... I thought you loved me?... If you don't come for lunch then don't bother coming again" routine. What can I say, I was eighteen years old and Karen wasn't putting out anyway, I went to the pub with my mates. It was great game and the fact that I'd dumped Karen to be there -- none of the guys liked her anyway; too much of a Karen -- only added to the festivities, so more than a couple of beers got sunk!
The final topic of conversation before it came time to leave was that of 'finding Scott a new girlfriend' and as we departed in his car -- he had to have been way over the drink-driving limit! - my mate Tom had his great idea: He'd drive around the town and pull over whenever we saw a single girl walking along the pavement alone and I would proposition her for a date; what can I say, we were eighteen and now pissed as well; it sounded a brilliant plan.
It was a cool, damp afternoon which didn't help us in our search, but after perhaps ten minutes Tom spotted a girl walking a dog down a residential street to our left and promptly turned onto it: "There's one Scott; she looks to be a redhead too, I know you like those." We couldn't see much more, as the girl was walking away from us.
We confirmed that she was indeed a redhead as we approached -- Tom obviously had better eyesight than me -- that she was tall and that beneath the sweats and running shoes she was wearing, probably slim too. But we hadn't seen her face and as Tom started to slow down I began to wonder just how 'brilliant' his idea really was:
"No, keep on going Tom; I can't chat her up; she's got a dog with her."
"What difference does the bloody dog make? It's not very big; so it's hardly likely to rip your throat out. Just wind the window down and ask her as I roll to a stop; I'll tell the other lads that you bottled it if you don't." What can I say, I was eighteen years old; an age when nothing's worse than having your mates know that you bottled it?
I was already leaning out of the window as Tom pulled over and I gave her my chat-up line in the instant we did : "Hi babe, wanna come for a ride?... We could have a whole lotta fun." OK, so I'm not Shakespeare.
The girl, or to be more accurate, woman, turned toward me looking stunned and none too pleased at my crass suggestion, but a moment later her face lit up with a huge smile as she replied: "Scott? Is that little Scotty? Wow, you've certainly grown-up since I last saw you." Oh shit, maybe there was something worse than having your mates know that you'd bottled it!
It was Mrs Beresford... Jenny-B... Aunt Jen, that I'd just propositioned! Jennifer Beresford's not actually my Aunt and is a very attractive woman -- she'd featured in some of my earliest wank fantasies -- but the good news ended there. Mrs-B and her husband Mike had moved into the house next door to us when I was about five or six, they'd been our neighbours for the next ten years until my parents had downsized once my older brothers had left home a couple of years back and we'd moved about five miles away.
Mrs-B would've been about eight or ten years younger than Mum, so now around forty; the Aunt Jen thing having started when Jenny-B used to babysit me and my brothers as kids when my parents went for an evening out; even half-pissed, this was embarrassing and likely to get worse. Despite our move my mum and Jenny-B remained good friends, often meeting-up for coffee and chatting on the phone; my mother was going to go ape-shit when she heard what I'd just proposed.
"Erm, Hi Aunt Je-, Mrs. Beresford, I didn't know you had a dog; have you moved house now too?" I must've been as red as a beetroot, I could see that Mrs-B was trying to contain her amusement at my embarrassment and I also knew that Tom must be doing similar behind me. Tom was going to rip the piss out me when this was over and tell the other guys all about it too, the day had gone downhill in a big way!
"No, we're still in the same house, but my sister Helen and her partner live near here; as they're away today I've offered to look in on their dog and take him for a walk. Anyway, what's with the 'Mrs. Beresford' bit, you're a little too old to be calling me that nowadays, Aunt Jen too for that matter; Jen or Jenny have a much better ring to them... especially when you're hitting on me."
I continued to squirm with embarrassment as Jenny continued: "Though I suppose that's a step forward from your lurking in your parents bedroom window, trying to get a sly-peek at me getting undressed in mine; did you enjoy the view? Whenever I thought you might be there I would give you a glimpse of my bra and panties; I even flashed my boobs for you a couple of times, I think once was on your birthday and the other one Christmas..."
Tom was audibly chuckling behind me as Jenny finally concluded: "But while you're old enough to be calling me Jenny, I think you'll always be a little too young for our 'having a lotta fun' together; we'll never bridge an age difference that indecent."