Her Hot Pink Room

This is what happens when you're too honest. You decide you've found that basin, and something wants to spill out, so you open up the gates. All that weight comes flooding out. A tranquil calm replaces those dammed, turbulent waters. A sense of calm rests inside, before realizing it wasn't a pond; instead, you've poured out into the open ocean.

I head over to the end of the oven hood, grabbing the next pizza, cutting it, and checking the addresses. Today started as any other, with the usual benign tasks in front of me. I went to the back room, needing to get some more sauce prepped. Brandon was back there, and we started talking, our usual workplace chit-chat. Mostly just wasting away time and making plans for later in the week. We talked about our cars, things we needed to do with them, and planning the next project. There is always something else to do. There was another group meetup this weekend to do some racing at the Saturday cruise, and we had a lot to get ready before then.

At some point we started talking about the girls that would be there, and before I knew it, I was relinquishing thoughts that had been nagging at me for some time. He told me about some of the sexual escapades he and his girl had gotten into recently, nothing too spicy, before asking about who I was banging currently. He asked out of curiosity, thinking I would bring up someone we were going to see this weekend. I guess I believed it was an ear to confide in, but it turned out to be far more than I had bargained for.

Why am I so hung up on that conversation? I was simply talking with a friend, and now I have a lot more questions to deal with. I can't tell if I'm anxious, or just annoyed at myself for opening my mouth at all.

Nicole walks to the register to help a customer, tapping away at the screen, and hiking the backside of her pants up her waist. She knows what she's doing. Giving her butt a nice lift to anyone she hopes is looking, namely me. I make my way back to the table and start kneading out the dough for the next order, not wanting her to see me noticing. As I'm pressing the dough to form the crust, she starts walking over to me, with a dubious grin, and delivers a hip bump.

"Brandon told me about your... issue. I think it's very cute, and I'd love to help with that," she tells me, grinning, and giving me a suggestive wink.

Great. I say something in confidence to a friend, and less than an hour later it's the talking point of my workplace. Now I'm caught in this weird position of not knowing what to say, and wondering if it even matters at all.

Why do I care if people know? I'm a dude. Why not just say screw it? Literally.

There is that girl I've been spending my afterhours time with. We get along well, and I imagine it would be a great experience for both of us. But I'm still not sure what our dynamic is, or if it's even on the table or not. Her not so sly comments have told me it is, but it could just be talk, combined with my own appetites.

Nicole brushes by me, running her hand along my side as she passes, giving it a playful squeeze just for good measure. She giggles, clearly enjoying herself. She makes her way back to the cutting station and flashes me another wink when she gets there. I decide not to acknowledge it and focus on the task at hand.

It's not that I wouldn't be willing to lose my virginity to her. She's cute, probably five feet three inches tall, curvy in all the best ways. Her breasts appear to be on the smaller side, at least from what I can tell in a work uniform, but she has a fantastic butt. Something I've always craved.

The problem is, what if I sucked? I mean, if I were to spend a night with her, and embarrassed myself, it would be the talk of the town. Well, pizza parlor. It just wouldn't work for me. No way would I lose it to a coworker that I see every day. But why do I actually care?

I grew up in a religious family, and was bombarded throughout my entire childhood with examples around me which followed the same path -- date, relationship, engagement, marriage, house, kids. And church at least once a week, can't forget that. Except during those "special" seasons, church multiple times a week, when I got extra nap time. Seeing how well it worked for those around me made it seem like that was how things should be.

Although, it didn't always work. I've also seen that.

It certainly hasn't worked for me so far, having just broken up with my high school girlfriend. She wanted that same path. The long relationship, long engagement, the big house with a white picket fence, all of it. Something internal, below the surface, convinced me that I needed to break the cycle. Something similar to what told me to stop going to church the day I moved out.

Why did I feel the need to break it? Why not just stick to what everyone else was doing? What's wrong with an average suburban life, full of weekend cookouts and buying stuff to keep up with the Joneses? For me, I guess it all just seemed so archaic. So much life and memories to miss out on.

Work ends and I meet up with my friend, no plans or steps involved; a welcome relief. We take a drive outside the city, listening to rock n' roll, talking about all the things we like and hate, enjoying the night together. Even though she only started a few weeks ago, she has quickly become the person I want to hang out with in my free time. A nice change of pace from my guy friends. A few remarks she has made have piqued my interest in her, but having only known her a short time it doesn't register as anything other than friendly banter. With an added twist of sexual tension.

Or is that only in my head?

A few weeks pass and it's a lot of the same old same -- still spending time with my new friend and still more flirting with Nicole. She has become more emboldened. I do my best to laugh it off with her at work, but it's becoming increasingly difficult not to send some remarks back her way.

I'm starting to enjoy the games. Despite my logical side doing its best to fight back, an emotive trojan horse seems to have penetrated the walls.

Then one day, it all changes. I make my way into work and Nicole runs up to me with a big smile.

This seems new. Usually, she's more subtle. She might be ready to take a few more leaps, bigger ones, and throwing caution to the wind.

I wish she would make it easier and let it be, but she's getting more confident, probably due to my own mixed signals. Most of them are my own social awkwardness. I'm trying to keep things at work light, and casual. I know I've been letting it become more than that though. Rather than being direct and telling her I'm not interested, I've been causing more problems by laying those little crumbs on the trail for her to follow.

"So! You remember my friend Jess, right?" she asks.

Yeah, I do. She is Nicole's country friend. She's been into the store a few times, for only moments, until they inevitably went out to the car to get stoned, strolling back inside twenty minutes later blitzed and laughing. And hungry. "Eyes as red as the devil's dick."

"Yeah, I remember." I reply, with a slightly quizzical look, wondering where this was going.

She notices my skeptical brows, but continues, "She's having a little get together at her place tonight and she wanted me to invite you. I

definitely

think you should go."

I thought for a moment. Not about whether or not I should go, but about what she had meant. "I

definitely

think you should go" rings back and forth in my head. Surely this is her way of getting me somewhere, lowered inhibitions, and convincing me to finally give it up to her. I've already decided it isn't going to happen, so if that's her plan, it's going to be a boring party. For both of us. I decide it's time to be direct and speak my mind.

"I might be able to, but I hope you're not expecting something from me when we're there," I tell her in a jesting way, smirking, doing my best not to be rude.

I was expecting disappointment to appear on her face, but, surprisingly, a smile rose up instead. "Oh, I'm not. Well, of course I would," another devilish grin, "but you already know that."

Yes, I am aware you would. You've made that very apparent, in more ways than one.

"But nope, it's Jess that wants you there. She thinks you're cute and your... innocence, is totally a turn-on." She shrugs, lightly poking my stomach.

Huh. I was totally wrong.

My mind strains, still trying to comprehend what she had said. All those little wrinkles in my brain becoming more entangled.

I tell her maybe, but that I have to make sure I was even going to be able to first. Of course I could. I didn't have anything else going on, but at least it was a response that would give me time to contemplate her words.

Jess wants to hook up with me? I'd only met her twice, and for brief moments at that. We'd never had a conversation longer than a few sentences. Had I done something to spur her on? I don't remember giving her desires a kick.

Despite trying to get back to the work I'm supposed to be doing, my mind wanders to Jess.

I ponder some of the things Nicole has told me about her when they come back in from her car, always being more talkative when she was high. She's a country girl, from a small town of only a few thousand people. She grew up on a small family farm and was a barrel racer at some of the rodeos around the state, even competitively. Her dress and demeanor made that obvious. I also knew she was older than me. 27, maybe? Me being 18, it seems like a big gap.

My mind wanders towards other aspects of her. She was hot. Probably out of my league, in fact.

She was a few inches shorter than me, a sort of southern belle appearance, but she was built from racing horses and helping on the farm. Certainly not petite, but still fit from consistent, hard work.

An image pops into my mind of that day when she had come in with a cowgirl hat on, bursting out of a low-cut tank top, a flannel shirt over the top, tucked into a tight pair of Wrangler jeans, and, of course, some very dirty cowgirl boots.

I had watched her walk out to the car that day for far too long. Not because she had noticed, but because others had. Jerry had given me a hard time for gazing. "Hard not to stare at something like that," he had said, chuckling and giving me a small shoulder shove to add to the male banter. The next, more intrusive thought, was if her interest was tied to me being "fresh meat."

For her, I'd certainly be willing to be.

My introverted nature was spilling up, reminding me that this could have only occurred if Nicole had been talking to her about my "issue," causing me to feel strange about the situation altogether. I realize I've been standing there and staring at a wall since Nicole had walked off, and finally get myself moving again. Despite my best efforts to push the thoughts from my mind, I had trouble doing anything the rest of the day. I couldn't shake the feeling that this might be a great opportunity.

For so long I had felt that I would lose it to my future wife, because that's the way I'd been raised. I had no intention of waiting till marriage, but somewhere deep down there was still some ideal lurking in me that assumed it would at least be with a girlfriend. Not to a stranger, or even an acquaintance. Not someone I barely knew. I bounced back and forth between thoughts.

Why an older girl thought it was a turn-on.

The braids in her long, wavy hair.

How their conversation of me might have begun in the first place.

The drawl she spoke with.

What sort of party it might be and how much I would stand out.

Her green eyes.

Our short conversations in the past.

How her thick thighs and bubble butt swayed in those Wranglers.

Her chest popping out of her top.

The sexy tummy hiding under that flannel button down.

Her riding me like a horse.

Suddenly I realized I was pitching a tent, fortunately under the counter. A slight sense of panic rolls over me, and I check to see if anyone else has noticed. All clear. It seems some parts of me have made a decision though. I flipped it up and walked to the end of the oven, my brain and body still completely out of sync.

Why not lose my virginity to her? She was attractive and definitely my type. It was time. And, if anything, maybe it would be better to lose it to someone that wasn't part of my future? At least I wouldn't have to worry about how things went. I could just go for it.

She was clearly interested, from whatever Nicole had told her or anything I had done, so it wasn't like I'd need to worry about a lot of small talk and pushing through the awkwardness of a new relationship. She wanted it. And so did I.

Alright, I'm doing this. No more messing around, no more wondering, no more intrusive thoughts. Just go over there to that party and get some.

But wait, what do I need to do? I don't know her at all, and maybe this is an indication of promiscuity. How should I know? What if this was a "thing" for her, and I was just one on a long list of similar virgins.

No, no. Get rid of those thoughts.

I probably need protection. That might be a rude assumption, but I don't want to get someone pregnant or catch something on my first try.

Where do I even do that? Gas station? Grocery store? Drug store? Where is the easiest place with the least amount of social interaction? Wait, why does it even matter?

All those years of a religious upbringing were making me feel like I should be ashamed.

Forget that. Just man up, and get it done. No one's going to care. It's a college town anyway. Alright, straight after work, I'm getting a condom. Or condoms. No clue how many are in a package. Do I need more than one? How many rounds is normal? Probably just one, but I doubt they come in singles.

Oops, I forgot to ask Nicole the rest of the details. Where is it and what time? Okay, pull it together man.

I walk back over to Nicole, "Hey, I'm game for a party tonight. Where and when?" She raises an eyebrow and smiles.

"Yeah, I bet you're 'game,'" she says with her fingers. "It's at her place, and we can show up whenever we get off work."

When

we

got off work? I hadn't even thought of her being there too. Whatever, at least I won't have to arrive by myself. Nicole and I aren't exactly friends, or not in the sense that we hang out outside of work, but I'm good with having someone I know to walk in with. It's a bit of a relief actually. Will be even better if she show's up with Jess in the car.

"Sounds good, but I still need to go by my place and change," I tell her in a calm, cool, and collected manner, despite the whirlwind that's actually whipping around in my head.

She agrees and tells me to meet her back in the work parking lot at 9.

So that answers a lot of my questions. Got the clothes, condoms, and ride sorted, now to try and focus on how to handle the rest of the night.

My mind wanders back to Jess.

Imagining her naked. Seeing that big butt of hers in person. Grabbing it. Maybe spanking it, if she'll let me. Pulling her shirt off and seeing those incredible breasts of hers as they are unveiled before me. Squeezing them, licking them, rolling her nipples around between my fingers. Grabbing her waist as I thrust myself into her, feeling what it feels like for the first time. I know it will be beyond my wildest imaginings.

I wonder how big they are? C cups would be my uneducated guess. Maybe even bigger.

Can I grab her hair like they do in porn? She's certainly not dainty, given what I know of her life, but that doesn't mean I can just do what I want.

Hold on, what

does

she want? I don't know her at all really and have no clue how to even find out. At least not right now, and definitely not before the party.

And I'm hard again.

Dude, get it together. Gotta finish this shift first. The whole idea of losing it to her is not to worry about all these questions, so just go with it. She's mind-blowingly attractive and there's no reason to keep holding out.

I'll find out everything else soon enough.

I get back to focusing on work duties, able to get things done without any hiccups, barely. My shift ends and I head out to my car to drive to my apartment and change. Images are flashing through my mind the entire trip, unable to function well enough to even turn the radio on, which is usually the first thing I do.

I get to my apartment and throw on my favorite pair of jeans and button up, considering for a moment on wearing my cowboy boots, before deciding against it since I know I'm not on this girl's level of country. No reason to be anything other than myself.

Before leaving my apartment, my roommates ask what I've got going tonight and if I want to go bowling. I tell them no, that I'm going to hang out with a friend. Which is mostly true, but really this is a night for me. Being good Christian boys, it's not a conversation I even feel like having.

I've been heading in a different direction than them for a while now, and I kind of always knew it would happen, even back then. Sure, we get along great and do a lot of the stuff we used to do. Playing sports of various kinds, working out, hanging out at the movies, going to the downtown area, hanging out with the same people we all knew. But not tonight.

Tonight, I'd be taking a big step away from them.

I hop into my car, fire it up, turn on the radio, and crank up the bass in the back. All those thoughts from earlier are finally settling, and now I knew exactly where I was going. I'm energized on a level I haven't felt in a very long time, frenzied electricity surging through me. I roll down all the windows, put the sunroof back, and crank up the music, listening to my favorite hype songs.

I make a stop at the gas station near work, and glance over to see if Nicole's car is in the parking lot yet, but it's empty. Before I get out, I realize I don't know what kind of condoms to get.

Are they one size fits all? Guess there's only one way to find out. I'm too young to buy any booze for this party, so I'll just head straight for the medicine section. Nothing. Where are they usually stored?

I walk down a couple other aisles without any luck before seeing a cabinet behind the counter with Trojan boxes. Those I recognize. There's someone in line, which works out well, giving me time to scan the options. There doesn't seem to be anything on the labels for sizes, so I pick out something I've seen in a commercial before. I get up to the counter and ask for it, the woman behind the counter grabbing it without a comment.

Perfect.

I head back to the car, unbox and put two in my back pocket, and start heading towards the work parking lot, seeing that Nicole has shown up in the time it took me to go inside.

This is working out quite well. Maybe I'm making all the right decisions.

I get into the car, no Jess, but that makes sense. People are probably already there and she doesn't want to leave her home unattended. Nicole welcomes me and asks if I'm ready.

"Yep, let's do this."

She gives me another one of those odd smiles before turning on Britney Spears and reversing out. We share some casual conversations on the way, none of which I'm really paying attention to. The only thing on my mind is where we're going, what's about to finally happen, and also running through thoughts of what to expect. What I'm supposed to do. How. When.

Since we didn't arrive with Jess, does that mean I'm going to have to make the rounds and talk to a bunch of people first? Waiting for the right timing. I'm not an extroverted person, so hopefully I won't be forced to interact too much, especially since all the people there will likely be Nicole and Jess's age.

Time seems to be fast forwarding, and we're pulling into a neighborhood before I'm prepared to. My brain was caught in limbo, hyper focused, never considering it might be a short drive there.