"So how do you feel about this?" Vaishali asked her patient from her comfortable psychologist's chair.
"I don't know," came the young woman's reply seated across from her. "I mean if I really had the answer to that, why would I be here?"
Vaishali smiled to herself. It was a classic answer she had heard countless times in her practice. It was often said by patients who weren't in her office because they didn't know what they felt, but by patients couldn't deal with how they felt.
"Ok, Anamika, you're right. Well let's take a step back, shall we?" Vaishali soothed her patient. "Why don't you tell me what brought you to me in the first place?"
"Well, I'm here because I had sex." Sighed Anamika
"Well there is nothing wrong with that?"
"Ya, there is! I'm not married" Anamika said getting a bit louder.
"Are you pregnant?" Vaishali asked. "Have you been checked out for any STDs"
"No, I'm not pregnant, and yes I'm clean. But that's not the point." Anamika said this time somewhat softly.
Vaishali didn't interrupt her patient but continued to look at her. She was starting to get a general idea of what was bothering Anamika, but allowed her patient to continue.
Anamika looked at her doctor and just sighed again and felt tears slowly building up in her eyes. She had never been so confused in her life.
"This wasn't the way it was supposed to be." She continued through tear-filled eyes. "I mean we're in love. He means the world to me and I to him, then why am I feeling this way."
"How are you feeling, Anamika?" Vaishali gently nudged her patient
"I'm feeling. I'm feeling," Anamika stammered as a tear drop gently fell down her cheek "guilty!" and started to break down, holding her head in her hands, tears falling on the floor.
Vaishali let her cry and waited till Anamika calmed down before continuing, "Why do you feel guilty?"
Taking a deep breath and composing herself, Anamika looked her and said "because I'm an Indian, and I'm supposed to be a virgin till I get married. Because what I have done goes against everything my parent taught me. Because sex outside marriage is taboo in Indian culture. I feel like I have let myself, my family and my culture down."
Anamika was a young woman, about 20 who had come to her with anxiety issues with bouts of paranoia and depression. She was an Indian-American; born to Indian parents in the US. Being one herself, Vaishali could understand what it was like for girls like Anamika. Stuck between the past and the future, not knowing where they truly belonged. Being born in the US, made them as American as any other race, but being born to an Indian heritage, where conservativeness was ingrained into every fiber of society often put today's generation in conflict. The desire to fit in with the young crowd, to be "normal" often put college going young adults at odds with their Indian heritage.
In cases like Anamika, lack of acceptance of the facts was usually the root cause of the problem, which often stemmed from a conservative upbringing. The fact was that she was a young woman, in love, and she had had an intimate experience with a man who loves her. While on the surface there is nothing more beautiful, cultural baggage brought in one unexpected result. Guilt.
Vaishali had learned that guilt was the one emotion that usually was the deciding factor between happiness and misery. Guilt never stops people from doing what their heart desires. It just prevents them from enjoying the experience and eats at them after the fact. It all boils down to guilt.
Plain and simple.
There was no right answer this such situations and Vaishali new it. As a professional she was always supposed to be objective, but cases that hit so close to home were always an extra challenge. A few years ago Vaishali had been in the exact same situation when she was in college. She was about the same age as Anamika was now when she and Vimal had consummated their love, and experienced similar emotions. However she realized that since she loved Vimal with all her heart, and anything done with love cannot be bad or immoral. She and Vimal continued their relationship which resulted in an engagement and a wedding sometimes in the future. Vaishali's realization was a personal one, and while she had accepted it, she knew that it would never be understood or accepted by traditionalists.
Taking a deep breath, Vaishali explained to Anamika about personal choices and realizations. While she did not ever enforce her own views on her patients, she did encouraged Anamika to think from an objective and practical point of view. Anamika listened intently and while not completely satisfied or consoled, was glad to at least have been point in a direction that may help her.
After the session was over, Vaishali was sat down to make her notes and as she was reviewing what Anamika had said, her mind took her back to college where Vimal and she had met. They were in the same circle of friends and had known each other for years. Vimal was a law student; very intelligent and hard working β a combination that took him very far very fast. Vaishali always admired his dedication. It didn't hurt that he was tall (around 6'2), dark and very handsome.