He pulls up in the drive, in his headlights he sees the double garage, the Georgian windows down the side of the house. He sees the silhouettes of family behind the blinds. Switching the headlights off he wishes he could push the whole house back into darkness, push it into the recesses of his mind where there is no guilt. Maybe that is the part of his brain that got hi in this mess, that place that makes primal urges, that sees no reason. Crunching gravel underfoot as he walks up the drive, he thinks of Lily in the gravel car park. He thinks of nothing but Lily.
Inside the house is warm, Kaitlyn is asleep on the mustard couch. The lights in the hall are off, the girls must be fast asleep. In the kitchen everything is immaculate, the stone benches are wiped clean, there is not a spot of dirt on the porcelain tiles. It could pass for a display home, except for the smell of the citrus cleaner. Opening the fridge, from the left hand corner of the bottom shelf he pulls out a beer. There is always one six pack in that same spot waiting for him.
Normally there is a routine. James comes home and has dinner with his family. After dinner he bathes his twin girls and puts them in bed. While he does this Kaitlyn cleans the house, pays the bills on the internet and does all the other things she can't do with two three year olds running amuck. Then they will cuddle up on the couch until Kaitlyn falls asleep.
A routine is as good as a rut though, a rut is close to a grave. Tonight Kaitlyn is already asleep and the girls in bed. They had spoken about doing something for Halloween but they were both too young to really understand. So the routine is ruined, or at least James has missed the better part of it. He slides onto the couch, gently lifting her feet. She stirs, a lock of blonde hair falling over her sleeping face.
Silence surrounds James and there are no distractions from his own mind. There is Lily, in his minds eye with Hazlenut hair and implying smile. If only she would let him take her somewhere nicer, to a hotel at least. He could have laid beside her all night, had her again, slept with her in his arms and her hair in his face. Looking down at Kaitlyn he feels the guilt churn up in his stomach, he feels so terrible, he is shocked at what he has done. He has taken a girl, a young girl, had sex with her in a parking lot then dumped her on the doorstep of her house in the cold. He has betrayed his wife and his family. For what?
Was it for her young body? The small firm breasts with their dark nipples. The fullness of her lips that felt so soft to kiss. He thought of her ass, cupped in his hands. Her reaching for him, pulling him towards him asking for him, asking for more. He thinks of her sex, with soft sparse hair and impossibly wet. How could she seem so innocent and so full of desire for him? If only he could have a full night with her. All the things he could do that he did not have a chance to. To bite her nipples and make her gasp, to taste her, to watch her go down on him.
With that thought he started stroking himself inside of his pants. Forgetting himself he thought of everything he had done with her that night. He unzips and pulls his cock out, carefully placing his beer on the floor beside him. It might be the alcohol but he feels giddy, he strokes his cock, rubbing his hand up and down the shaft feeling it grow larger. Was she a virgin before him? He wonders, he wonders if he has been so lucky as to be her first. Would she have told him? She was so tight, surely it was possible. Again he thinks of her going down on him, she had not done it that night in the car park. Now that he has considered the possibility it is all he can think of.
'Honey?' Kaitlyns voice pulls him from his vision.
She has caught him sitting on the edge of the couch mastubarting over her sleeping body.
'Kaitlyn...You were asleep.'
'What are you doing?'
'I..' he said 'I'm sorry. I just didn't...'
'Have you been drinking?'
'A little. I'm sorry I just was half asleep.'
'Oh, its OK James.' She smiles and sits up 'You could of woke me for it.'
She leans over and kisses him. She smells like milk, that funny baby smell. Groggy from sleep she pulls off her own top, exposing her full breasts. He cups them both in his hands and leans to suck on her nipple. At the same time she has pulled his pants down, trying to take off Kaitlyn pants, he fumbles unsuccessfully, too drunk. She does it herself.
