AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my submission to the "Winter Holidays" contest, so make sure to vote if you like what you read! I am also working on a companion story to my Summer contest submission, "What She Knows," so look for that if you liked either that story or this one. Thanks!
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"I swear, I knew it would happen. He couldn't finish the last day of class without doing it -- you know that guy I told you about. You won't believe what he said to try and get me to sleep with him..." Sara began talking before taking her seat. She unpacked her books without breaking rhythm, barely noticing Brian's disconnect.
The two sat at a small table near the front of a quaint coffee shop downtown, and the afternoon sun was buried in thick, grey clouds made deceptively whiter by the falling snow. Brian had an impulse to walk away from Sara's soft voice and step into the snow. The emptiness of the mid-Saturday streets looked serene and inviting. He even shirked the desire to warm himself with a coat from the cold that crept in through the glass.
He didn't look at Sara while she spoke, but hung on her every word just the same. It was in his nature to put the well-being of others first, and he even did so covertly.
"...but that was fine for about two weeks, then they broke up. Then, magically, he wants to spend all this time with me, and just...it's so obvious. I mean, you're a guy. Well, you know what I mean. I just, I want the easy way out sometimes... and just tell this guy the way it is, that whatever he thinks ain't it, it just ain't. You know what I mean?"
"I guess," Brian replied.
She clicked her pen several times, but it didn't pop out. "Well, it is what it is. That final is over anyway, so at least I won't have to worry about him anymore. Hell, I don't have to worry about class anymore! Oh shit, do you have a pen?"
He simply pointed to his bag without saying anything, and she started rifling through it until she found one. In the process, her eyes fixed on a book.
"Really? 'Sexuality and Art'?"
"It's for class. We're learning about..."
"Bullshit. I know what your classes are. You totally got this for yourself. That's really cool. And... surprising."
"Why is it surprising?"
"Well it's just... you never talk about sex. You're always just so... straight-edge about everything."
"If you say so."
Sara noticed something somber in his tone. And something she might have called resentment.
"Is everything ok?"
He hesitated. For a moment, he wanted to tell her no, and to tell her everything. He would have trusted her.
She was staring at him, and every second that passed he felt more and more defenseless. He and Sara had been friends since high school. They had been through hell together, and no one knew him better than her.
"Yes, I'm fine," he finally said.
"Bullshit."
"It's nothing, don't worry about it."
Sara closed her notebook, making sure to do so as conspicuously as possible. She looked at him sternly with a smirk, and waited for him to look back at her. When he did, he knew it was over. He felt a mixture of anxiety and relief.
"Look, I don't even know what's wrong."
"What are you thinking about?"
The word that came to his mind was "women," but didn't want to say it. That would be simplifying it, he thought. She would pick up all the pathetic bits of what he felt, but know very little about what he really thought. This was hard, but he'd been sliding emotionally for months. Something had to give. He had to tell someone.
"I just... I don't know. I have nothing to be proud of."
"That's crazy! You finished your senior film way before your class... totally blew everyone away. Everyone's talking about it. Shit, they're talking about it in my classes."
"I don't feel like I thought I would feel, though. I can't explain it."
She smiled at this. "You don't have to. You're an artist, Brian. I've always known it, and if there's one thing about you that makes you an artist it's that you're never satisfied."
"That's not fair. I'm satisfied with that film."
"You should be. It doesn't look like a student film at all. That's why it got into festivals already." After reading his expression, she added, "Buuuut... this isn't about that, is it?" Brian looked back out the window, and Sara finally responded, "Who is she? Give me all the details."
"It's not what you think."
Sara let out a big but short laugh that made her sit up straight. She was about to ask for more, but Brian continued.
"I've been thinking about Samantha."
Sara's smile softened, and her amusement turned into puzzlement.
"What about her?"
"I don't know. How close we were. I don't know, it's probably nothing."
"No, it's something alright. Only time I see you get like this is when you don't have anything going on. Are you going back home for the break?"
"Nah."
"Why not?"
"I just don't really feel like being around a lot of people I have to smile for, you know? I just saw the family for Thanksgiving. It's no big deal."
"Maybe, but you shouldn't be alone. You should have Christmas with my family. They always love having you."
"I guess so."
Adding a little pep to her voice, she asked, "Hey, what are you doing right now?"
"Studying with you."
"Screw that. It's Saturday. I have something that might cheer you up."
After they packed up and headed out into the cool, calm snowfall, Brian instantly felt a thousand times better. He even felt silly, in fact. He hated being the downer.
But suddenly, it felt like old times. He didn't know how many times he and Sara went on walks together, and how many of those times were walks through the snow. She was an explorer, like him, and they always got lost together. Only she would have known how much a simple walk through the snow would change his whole attitude.
She'd seen him through many hard times, just like he helped her through one heartbreak after another. He saw so much goodness in her, even when she made bad decisions. He thought she was one of the most forgiving, generous people he'd ever known. And watching the snowflakes come to rest on her long, brown hair, he was also reminded of just how beautiful she was.
They walked until they reached the park, and they circled the lake, watching the ducks. They talked about silliness and life, but not a word of what was really bothering Brian.
She might have thought, as they later arrived at her doorstep, that it did the trick. But she knew him too well. He just wasn't the same, and she could sense it.
So she invited him in for some Cognac and said she had something to give him, and he agreed.
The first thing he noticed upon entering was that her place was less than tidy. Sensing his judgment immediately, she shot back, "Don't judge me. In a week I won't have to worry about my defense 'cuz I'll be done, and I'll be done with school, and then I can worry about this shit."
