Gettin Any Dirt For Your Worm

(This story is for the Earth Day Contest. It's not your standard stroke material, so if that's what you're looking for, perhaps moving on would be your best bet. But thanks for stopping by, ya'll.)

*

"Gettin' any dirt for your worm?"

Beth couldn't help but overhear the two handsome cowboys directly in front of her in the checkout line. The one asking about worms was tall, lanky, with a bushy walrus mustache. The other one was short and thick like a fire hydrant. Beth held her breath as the short one answered.

"Naa. Ever since Mary Joe left, I ain't been gettin' shit."

Beth closed her eyes, a sinking feeling in her chest. She hated it when people used foul language. It was like an affront to God, even if they didn't take the Lord's name in vain. But then the tall one spoke up again and she couldn't resist taking another peek at him.

"Tell ya what, Zeke, if I don't get some dirt for my worm soon, it's gonna shrivel up and die."

Before she knew what she was doing, Beth had left her place in line and was now standing directly in front of the tall handsome cowboy.

"I heard you mentioning worms?" she stammered, her heart pounding. "I'm taking an environmental studies class in college, and I'd be interested in helping you with your worm problem. Are they common earth worms, or some sort of exotic species?"

The cowboy grinned, a gold tooth sparkling in the garish lighting of the supermarket. "Tell ya what Ma'am. Why don't you come on out to the ranch this weekend and we'll see what you can about my worm problem."

"I'd love to come out to your ranch," she said, ignoring the problem of explaining her whereabouts to her nosey Aunt, who was providing her a room for the duration of her college term. Would her Aunt approve of this handsome cowboy? Phooey. She could just tell her Aunt she was going to the library to study, which would only be half a lie, since she was going out to the ranch to study earth worms.

"Here," the cowboy said, handing her a brown, wood-grained business card.

"Thank you," she stammered, glancing at the Bar M logo on the card and the address underneath. "Will your ranch be hard to find?"

"No Ma'am. Just follow highway 79 south till you get to Lambert Lane. Hang a right, and I'll be the first gate on the left. You'll recognize the logo on the sign."

"What time?" she asked, fighting the urge to fan herself with a magazine off the rack.

"Around ten? Is that too early for ya?"

"No, that's fine," she said, mesmerized by his Montana sky blue eyes.

"By the way, I'm Porter." He stuck out his calloused hand and she blushed.

"Sorry," she giggled. "Beth." The feel of his touch was warm, comforting, and she forgot all about the earth worms. She just stood there, trying to ignore the squishy feeling that was threatening to drench her panties. "All right then," she sighed, "see you on Saturday."

Porter flashed his gold tooth one more time, and then he and his pal were ambling out the door, looking a lot like Clint Eastwood and his sidekick from a Hollywood western movie.

Beth jerked her shopping cart out of line and headed for the restroom at the back of the store, not because she had to pee, but because of a different kind of wetness. The intermittent dripping between her legs wasn't something she was overly concerned about. She just assumed it had something to do with her virginity. How many sleepless nights had she spent with a pillow stuffed between her legs, trying to make the wetness go away? Yes, being a virgin was a burden, but with Jesus giving her strength, she knew she could get through it.

*****

The ranch was, indeed, easy to find. After bumping down a short stretch of dirt road, she rounded a rock abutment and came face to face with a small adobe dwelling. It was the color of faded earth, with an equally faded Ford 4X4 out front. As she climbed out of her rented Escort, she saw Porter emerge from the shade of the doorway, his lanky frame anchored by a pair of sharply pointed cowboy boots.

"You found it," he grinned, a stick of straw protruding from between his teeth.

"Yeah," she said, suddenly self conscious. Instantly, she was second guessing her wardrobe choice; khaki shorts and a pullover top. Shouldn't she be wearing jeans and a flannel shirt?

"Love the outfit," he grinned, cocking his hat back on his head.

"It's all I have at the moment," she sighed, looking down at her feet. "My parents have me on a very strict budget.

"No problem," Porter said, his velvety voice soothing her ragged nerves. "It's going to be a hot one today, and now I'm sort of wishing I was wearing shorts too."

Beth let out a sigh of relief. On the one hand, she was as scared as a six year old on her first day of school, coming out here in the middle of nowhere all by herself. On the other hand, she was reassured by his confidence and calm, as if God himself was embodied in this mysterious, but gentle cowboy. Looking into his weathered face, she noticed the lines around his eyes. Although he carried himself like a college guy, he could have been thirty or even forty. All those years in the sun made it hard to tell.

"The worms?" she asked. "Are they in your garden?" Looking around, she didn't see a garden, although there were hints of green peeking out from behind the house.

"This way," he said, kicking up little puffs of dust as his boots stirred the bone dry ground. She followed, staring at his broad shoulders and narrow waist. It reminded her of the way the football players looked when they were in their pads, their bodies top heavy, their tight butts impossibly firm from all the workouts and weight lifting. Imagining Porter on horseback sent her off into a sunny daydream of green fields and spring flowers.

"You got family here?" he asked, jarring her out of her fantasy.

"I'm staying with my Aunt. She moved out here from Chicago a couple of years ago. My parents are still there. When they saw the brochure for William-son West they made up their mind, and here I am."

"School is good," Porter said, more to himself than to her. "Out here in the boonies, Mother Nature is our teacher, and flunking out is not an option."

Beth nodded, certain that she had much to learn from this wise and caring man. "Are you the only one on the ranch?" she asked.

"I hire some help when we get busy, but other than that, it's just me. My dad built this place, but he and Mom are long gone."

"I'm so sorry," she said, her heart going out to this kind, hard-working man.

"No problem," he muttered. "Their graves are over at the base of that rock cliff, so I can visit them whenever I please."

Fighting the urge to give her poor, lonesome cowboy a big hug, she followed him down a narrow trail surrounded by tall grass and wirey bushes. Suddenly, she could hear the faint gurgle of a stream, and the air turned cool. As they descended under the canopy of the giant cottonwoods, the feel of the gentle breeze raised goose-bumps on her arms and legs.

"It's like our own little oasis," Porter said, holding a stray branch aloft so that she could pass. They had just entered a little clearing, with a small pad of grass about the size of the rug in her room at her Aunt's house. "We harvest water from the roofs of the buildings, store it in tanks, and when the stream dries up in the summer, we run a drip system."

"Nice," she said, feeling a strange sense of calm. It was as if God himself was looking down on them, smiling, proud of His majestic work. "So, is this where the worms are?"

"The worms. Yeah, Um..." there was a period of silence while Porter stared intently at the ground. "We did have some worms down by the creek, but when they put in the housing development up the road, the creek dried up."

"Really?" Beth said, disappointed that her horticulture project seemed to be disappearing into thin air. "So if you don't actually have worms anymore, why did I come all the way out here?"

"Um... actually, I was hoping you could help me with another matter of a scientific nature. You did say you're studying science, right?"

She took a deep breath, trying to hide her frustration. "It's an introductory class, but it is based on science."

"I suppose that'll do," he said, spitting the straw stick out of his mouth. He leveled his gaze at her. "We've got all sorts of creepy crawly critters out here, and one of them is the brown recluse spider. I got bit by a brown recluse the other night, and I need to expel the poison, but there's no way I can do it."

"Oh my." she gasped, her heart suddenly going out to this poor, afflicted man. "How do you expel the poison?"

"Well...," he said, scratching his stubbly chin, "remember the snakebite routine you learn in school? How they talk about sucking out the poison? That's basically the way it works, but the poison is neutralized once it's in your mouth. In other words, it's only poison if it's injected into flesh."

"That sounds creepy," she shivered, the goose-bumps reappearing. "So you want me to suck the poison out of your spider bite?"

"That's the plan Ma'am, but if you'd rather not mess with the spider bite, I'll just call Zeke and see if he has time to give me a ride to the hospital."

"Oh Porter," she blurted, feeling genuinely disgusted with herself for misjudging this fine man, "don't be silly. Show me the spider bite and I'll take care of it for you."

"It's kind of embarrassing," he said, stifling a grin under his bushy mustache.

"Don't be embarrassed," she giggled, even though she was on the verge of embarrassment herself.

"Tell you what. Close your eyes for a second."

"All right," Beth sighed, feeling a little foolish. A grown man - a real life cowboy, for God's sake - embarrassed about a spider bite?

"Okay," he said, his voice strained and raspy, "just promise you won't laugh."

Beth opened her eyes, but she was not prepared for the visual assault that awaited her. Porter's jeans and shorts were clear down to his ankles, his huge penis protruding from the bottom of his flannel shirt like the tusk of some wild animal. Beth stifled the urge to scream.

"See how swollen it is?" he said apologetically.

She nodded, afraid to speak. Taking a moment to compose herself, she did consider that fact that Porter's wasn't the first naked penis she had ever seen. Growing up with an older brother, she had been forced to view the rigid male member a time or two, but her brother's skinny pink flagpole looked nothing like Porter's manly apparatus. Porter's was more like a purple-headed eel escaped from the dark depths of the ocean, perpetually swimming to the left. The fact that Porter's penis was garishly swollen from the spider bite only heightened Beth's concern for the poor man.

"Put your hand on it," Porter said, in a soothing voice. "You can feel it throbbing. Just be gentle. It hurts."

Again she was reminded of her brother, but this time she would put her hand on it, because this was a medical emergency, not some stupid wrestling game on the living room rug while her parents were out. Bravely, she reached out to touch Porter's penis. As her hand closed around the giant purple head, he let out a ragged sigh. She could indeed feel it pulsing, like it was expanding and contracting with every beat of his heart.

"See the little slit?" Porter rasped, his teethe clenched, his eyes squinting like a snake's.

"Yes?" she mumbled, strangely attracted to this poor, injured one-eyed monster.

"That's where the poison is going to come out. Just keep sucking till it stops. It could take a minute or two to get it all."

Dutifully, with a sense of Godly purpose, she knelt on the soft grass, her dainty fingers gently cradling the veiny, twitching shaft. The thought of the pain he must have been going through gave her a twinge between her legs, and she had a sudden urge to kiss his pitiful injured member, like her Mom used to do when she fell off her bike and got a boo boo.

Wetting her lips, she guided the twitching head towards her mouth, enthralled by his manly smell; dark, earthy, but with a hint of Dial soap. The familiar clean fragrance emboldened her, and she eased the engorged tip between her lips. It barely fit, and she had to be careful not to scrape it with her teeth.

"How'th tha?" she mumbled, startled at the sound of her muffled voice. How many times had her mother told her to never talk with her mouth full?

"Perfect," Porter whispered, his fingers suddenly slithering into her hair and around her neck. She let him guide her face into his groin, since she had not the slightest clue how to accomplish this important task. It was at that moment that she had a troubling thought. When a man puts his penis into a woman's mouth, isn't that considered oral sex? But then she remembered her OBGYN exam, which involved stripping naked for a strange man and letting him fondle her titties and penetrate her womanhood, and she realized that there is a marked difference between a medical procedure and a sex act, even if they both include nudity and touching, or sucking, as the case may be.

Reassured that she wasn't breaking her vow of abstinence, she proceeded in earnest, sucking like a hungry baby at a mother's breast. By this time, Porter's engorged penis had gotten even bigger, or so it seemed. Her jaw was really starting to hurt, and she was considering asking if it would be okay to take a break when Porter interrupted.

"Now Beth! Now!" he yelped.

Instantly, her mouth was inundated with the dreaded poison from the brown recluse spider. It came out in thick, gooey spurts, hitting her tonsils and running down the back of her throat, giving her a momentary urge to gag. With renewed vigor, she sucked harder, eliciting a series of frantic grunts from her stricken patient.

"Oh God, Beth. That's perfect."

Filled with a new sense of purpose, she continued sucking and swallowing, making sure she got every last drop. Surprisingly, the poison had no taste whatsoever, just a slimy, sticky consistency that tickled as it dribbled down her chin. She nonchalantly flicked a drop off to the side, where it splatted on the soft grass.

By this time, Porter's hands were no longer gripping her by the ears, they were caressing her hair in a loving and gentle way. It was heartening to know that, through her bravery and skill, she had triumphed over the impending doom of the mighty spider bite. She said a little silent "Praise Jesus" as she watched his drooping member pop out of her mouth, the rubbery tip all shiny with milky-white spider poison.

"Did I do it right?"? she asked hopefully.

"Perfect, Doll."

"What would have happened if we left your condition untreated?" she asked, wiping her chin with her hand.

"That would have been up to the good Lord," he said, reaching for his jeans. She watched him curiously as he pulled up his shorts and packed his penis back inside delicately. Noticing that the swelling was already going down, she got back to her feet, feeling a sense of accomplishment that was so gratifying, she was already considering changing her college major to pre-med.

"Do you think we got all the poison out?" she asked, looking into his troubled face.

"We'll know in a little while," he frowned, cinching up his silver rodeo buckle. "Sometimes it takes a..." he stopped mid sentence, his eyes bugging out. "Beth!" he commanded, "don't move!" With a flick of his wrist, he whipped his hat off and swatted her thigh with it.

"Hey?" she blurted, jumping back.

"Centipede!" he announced. "You didn't feel it? He was climbing up your leg, but I'm afraid now, he's inside your shorts."

"Oh my God!" she bleated, jumping from one foot to the other. "What do I do?"

"Quick! Take your shorts off!"

"Oh my God! Oh my God!" she squealed, frantically undoing the button and fumbling with the zipper. With a quick yank, her shorts were down around her ankles, and then she was hopping out of them.

"Turn around," Porter commanded. She did, peaking over her shoulder at him as he scoped out her plump rear end. "I don't see it," he said, gently lifting the back of her top. "I wonder if he climbed up inside your bra?"

"Oh no!" she warbled, pulling her top off. As it fluttered to the ground, she unclipped her bra and flung it across the clearing. "Do you see it?"

Porter slowly paced in a circle around her, examining her white skin for signs of the evil centipede. He looked under her arms, he gazed at her perky pointed breasts, the nipples like ripe cherries, he lifted up the hair on her shoulders, peeking underneath for the errant rascal. "There's only one place he could be hiding."

"Oh my God!" Beth shrieked, hooking her white, high-waisted panties with her thumbs and jerking them down her innocent thighs. As she stood there naked before him, quivering with anticipation, Porter got down on his knees and peered up between her legs. Instinctively, she widened her stance so he'd have a better view of her bushy garden.

"Those centipedes..." Porter intoned quietly, as if he was about to deliver some really bad news, "they like dark, warm places."

Beth felt a shiver run down her spine. Did she now have a deadly centipede exploring the inside of her womanhood? Would she have to take a trip to the emergency room? And what would her Aunt think about this tawdry episode? And when her mother and father found out, would they pull her out of school and send her back home, to be courted by bucked-toothed Jeremy from church? No they would not, because they would never even hear about the centipede that was now violating her most private of places.

"Can you get it out?" she asked, determined to triumph over this peculiar and intimate challenge.

"I can sure try," Porter said with a grin. "First we need to rub aloe on your body, so you don't attract any more centipedes."

"Where do we get it?" she whined, overcome by the urgency of the situation. "Is there a Walgreens nearby?"

"We don't need no stinkin' Walgreens," he said, scratching his mustache. "We've got aloe growing right here." He bent over and snatched a fat leaf from a plant near his feet. He broke it in half and caught the juice dripping out of it in his palm. "Here. Spread it around on your skin like suntan lotion."

While she dutifully followed his directions, he did the same, and a moment later she felt his wet hands slithering around on her back. What a luxuriously feeling it was, having a man touching - or perhaps caressing - her naked body. Suddenly, she had the urge to turn around and let him rub aloe on her front too.

"Darn it!" she thought to herself. "I've really got to focus here." With renewed vigor, she rubbed the slimy plant juice onto her chest and tummy, feeling that annoying twinge between her legs when her fingers grazed her stiff nipples.

Oh Lord how she tried to resist the pleasure, but when Porter's hands slithered down onto her bare bottom, there was no way to ignore the ecstasy she felt. It was as if every nerve in her rear end lead right to the centipede's new home. Or was the tingling sensation between her legs being made by the centipede crawling around inside her?

"Can you get it out now," she begged, turning around to meet his devoted gaze.

"Here," he said, whipping his shirt off and spreading it out on the grass. "Lay down and pull your legs up."

With the vision of his rippling chest in her mind, she eased onto her back and opened her legs, just like she had for the OBGYN, except this time she didn't flinch when the wet finger entered her. This time, she relaxed and opened herself up to him, trusting him implicitly.

"You're doing good," Porter said, down on his elbows between her legs. "I'm going to peek inside and see if I can find our little friend." She felt more prodding and poking, but surprisingly, it didn't hurt at all. In fact, it was rather pleasant - more along the lines of being tickled, but without the giggling.