3pm on Last day
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I am visiting Thailand for a business and today is my last day. I woke up early to visit the elephant sanctuary located outside the city. I had fun bathing the elephants. It is a 90 minute drive from my hotel to the sanctuary. We left at 8am and are back at the hotel at 3pm. I am tired. I have another meeting at 6pm and my colleagues to have planned to go for drinks afterwards. It's been a week in Thailand and I am yet to experience the most-talked about thing in this country. So I am trying to squeeze in the massage before my meeting.
I have not had a massage with perks anywhere, even outside of Thailand. Being the stickler that I am, I read up on the best practices and etiquettes. I am only going to get one-shot at it before I leave, so might as well get it right.
Googling reveals a lot of blogs about erotic massages in Chiang Mai. They are chockfull of recommendations and tips. It seems Loi Kroh Road is the most popular location. The hectic work schedule for the past week meant that I had no chance to clean the pipes. The pressure is has now reached an uncontrollable level.
4:30pm
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I take a shower and head out from the hotel. I make a quick stop at the ATM to withdraw cash. Google Maps shows a 15 min songthaew commute to the infamous road. Even if I opted-in for a 1-hour massage, I can easily make it in-time for the meeting at 6. I hail a red songthaew and off I go.
My co-passengers are local monks and a couple of ladies from New York. The ladies look like they are in their mid-40's. We talk about the US elections. Bad traffic has a tendency to show up at inappropriate times and this happens to be one of those times. The driver makes some out of the way stops for the monks. The ladies are complaining about the delay. But they don't dwell on it.
Time flies when you are having an interesting conversation. I wasn't paying attention to time. As the songthaew was slowing down, I realized that it might be my stop. I glance at my watch — FUCK!
5:15pm
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I want to go but its too late. I am pissed! Thoughts are racing. Should I make an excuse and skip the meeting? Would that look unprofessional? Should I skip drinks? Awkwardness at workplace afterwards? I am in a dilemma. Being under-pressure sometimes brings the best decisions forward. What if...?
What if I skipped drinks? Thats the best plan I have right now. With some time to kill before the meeting, I decide to test the waters...
I jog my memory to recollect the insightful tidbits from the online blogs. I create a mental checklist. And jumpstart my journey to the massage mecca of Loi Kroh Road!
Time to focus and observe, I start walking on the left side of the road because I don't know any better. After a couple of mins, I start seeing the massage signboards on the opposite side. I hide my frustration. "Being on the other side allows me to be discreet," I consoled myself. But the girls standing outside the massage parlors didn't care about the distance. If you made eye contact, they would shout — "MASSAGE, MASSAGE!"
I look at the first place and run through my new shiny mental checklist —
Are the lights outside shiny?
Are there curtains outside the place?
Are the girls outside the parlor wearing revealing clothes?
Are the customers inside the parlor all in plain-sight?
Are the girls young?
"Walk, Observe, Note, Repeat" is the mantra. I walk at snail's pace and cross off items on the checklist. I don't know how long to keep going. I set up a timer to keep track of time and reach to the meeting's location in time. I notice a couple of places which might fit the bill but I need a closer look...
I stroll to the end of the lane. The massage places are dwindling in numbers. I treat that as a U-turn indicator. I pull my phone out to look less suspicious when checking out the places. And put on a spontaneous performance.
Spotted! Sliding doors with curtains on one of the shops. The curtains seem to be hiding something. I keep walking. A couple of places have beautiful oriental girls standing outside. The transparent glass doors contradict my assumptions.
My eyes are locked in on this super-hot girl from the place next door. I see curtains and shiny lights. My short-list has 2 places on it. I head back in peace knowing that I have at least two options to choose from. But if my terrible luck in the past was any indicator...
6pm
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I reach in-time for the meeting and get distracted by small-talk. I forget the day's events. The meeting lasts for a couple of hours. After the meeting is over, we decide to hang out at a nearby bar.
Looking at the sexy women at the bar, my mind relaxes. The cloud of amnesia subsides. Sun shines again and brings my horny thoughts into light. Time is slipping by.
I am coerced by my co-workers to hang back. I don't want to be rude to them. I hide my disappointment and don't move. But something gives away my real intentions.
"We are fucking with you, its fine if you have made other plans," they say in a chorus.
I jump on this ray of hope, give everyone a hug and get ready to roll.
"But we want to know what you are doing tonight," they proclaim.
"I am tired, want to relax with a foot massage and call it a night," I lie to them.
After a short delay, I hear somebody from a distance. And it takes the wind out of me. It is one of my co-workers.
She asks, "Hey, I was also planning to go for a massage too. Can I join you?"
HOLY SHIT!
8pm
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I am trying to think of ideas to ward her off. I make up a story on-the-spot.
"I was actually kidding. I woke up early to visit the elephant sanctuary. The total trip was 7 hours in the grueling sun. My real plan is to head to the hotel and go to bed. I did not want to sound so uncool. Can we keep this between us?"
"You got it, dude," she winks and heads back toward the bar.
That was a close call, elephants come to the rescue! Excited and nervous, I head toward my destination.
Second pass on the same task always feels easier. I have no trouble locating the short-listed place. I notice the girl outside the parlor and feel lucky.
She is the same girl from before and has a massage rate card in her hand. I walk up to her and ask her about the massage rates. While she is showing me the rate card, I check her out. She is wearing a translucent white t-shirt. I can clearly see a tight black-colored padded bra underneath. It leaves very little to the imagination. Her hair is silky, long and well-kept. Her eyes are black and are shining under the light of the yellow bulbs. She entices me to step-in to the parlor.
"What massage?" she asks in a flirtatious voice.
"Oil," I jumped on the answer.
"Oil massage?" she confirms in her now tender voice.
I look her in the eyes and I say, "Yes."
"Could I take a look inside?" I asked politely.
[she slides the door open]
"Come in," she says.
I glance around and my brain is trying to process as much information as possible. It is trying to analyze and qualify this place. The beds are set in columns one after the other. There are curtains separating the beds. This arrangement reassures my assumption. But one final item on the checklist remained unanswered.
"Who's going to do the massage?" I ask with an air of curiosity.
"I am," she states.
She shows me to the bed and closes the curtains around the bed on both sides. Her instructions are loud and clear, "Take off everything. I come back in 2 minutes." I can only nod as words have failed me.
I follow her instructions and take off everything. I am chubbed up. Red towels are placed on top of the bedsheets. There is no side-table or drawer to put the pants on. She slides the curtains and steps in. I look at her and ask, "Where should I put the pants?"