I stand with a group of Shelly's friends and pretend to pay attention. My mind somewhere other than their conversation.
Shelly and I haven't known each other long so I am a little shocked that she invited me. We see each other in the mornings headed to different places but sharing the same cafe.
I think there is a mutual attraction going on. She is married but occasionally she will make a comment that makes me think they are somewhat open. She feels good to be around. Warm. Like sunshine.
I try to watch her without looking creepy. She is beautiful. Her hair shines in the light and her skin, creamy. Like you want to reach out and touch it to see if it's real. Does she know her beauty?
She's laughing. Her head tilts just slightly and goes back when she does. A big guffawing laugh. It makes me smile and I laugh at the wrong time. I widen my eyes and cough as the group looks at me.
She makes her way over, talking and mingling as she goes.
"I see you are making friends easily" she says to me. I nod and smile too big. Taking my hand she tells the group she will bring me back.
My heart stops and my hand feels tingly. Frick! How old am I? Get it together I tell myself. I don't even know if she likes me. This could be one sided.
The room is full of chatter and laughter. Food passed around and drinks made. It seemed every person you passed there was a different smell. Each person in their own Eau de toilette and cologne.
Except for Shelly. She smells fresh. Light. And her hand. Her hand felt perfect in mine.
We walk upstairs and she shows me around. Her place is nice. Lived in in the way that says home.
I am sure I feel the attraction from her. I've got to. And she is still holding my hand.
Back downstairs the party begins to die down. I have met Shelly's friends and husband and I think passed the test so to say.
Shelly's husband hugs and kisses her and tells her he is taking home a friend. The man is very obviously drunk.
I help her clean up as much as she will let me.
It's at the point where I am staying or going home and enjoying more cafe meets with a dear friend.
Shelly must sense that because she asks me to stay a little longer.
The tension in the room escalates. Sexual tension at its highest.
"Shelly," I say.
"No. Don't. Come here please. Just come to me."
I walk over nervously. Not sure what will happen.
She puts her hand on my cheek and looks into my eyes. I look away.
"Look at me. You are beautiful. Look at me please." Shelly is looking intently into my eyes.
"I want you. Not what you can give me. I want you. The inside. The part that hides. The part that never feels enough. That never feels worth more."
I held back the tears but I know she saw them. Looking into her sweet eyes. They were safe and honest. Her spirit showed me truth. She wasn't lying. She wasn't hear to trick me or hurt me.
"Come, rest in me my love". Her words opened all of my wounds.
Her hand ran down along my arm and stopped at me hand. She picked it up tracing the lines in it. Everywhere her hand touched my skin burned and then felt lonely as her touch passed. I want her. I want her so much.