Dear Diary,
Today Steven asked if I wanted to go biking after school with him. He's lived next door ever since I can remember, but it's been a long time since we played together. A few years ago at school he started hanging out with a different crowd than the neighborhood gang, and I think he thought he was somehow better than us all of a sudden. But, when he talked to me today, it seemed like he didn't think that at all. I don't really know what to think now. I guess I'll go with him tonight, but if he thinks he's real cool stuff now then I'll stay away from him after that.
I'll write later,
Wendy
Dear Diary,
Steven was at my house with his bike right after school. I grabbed mine and we took the nice way to the creek path. It felt like we weren't even in the suburbs anymore. I had to go slower than Steven because the path is bumpy and hilly, but he didn't speed ahead. He waited for me to catch up. I think that was really nice of him.
When we got to the bridge that crosses over to Elm Heights, we stopped. I told Steven I didn't want to be out too late because I still have homework to do (I have to get that done, so I should be quick writing this, but I want to get it all down). Anyway, at the bridge Steven took out a bottle of pop and package of cupcakes, like the ones mom sends to school with me for lunch. He handed me a cupcake. We ate them sitting on the bridge with the water rushing under us. The sun was a warm orange and Steven said I looked beautiful eating my cupcake in the sun. I felt embarrassed, but it made me feel squishy inside. He offered me a sip of his pop and I was reluctant, but I was thirsty so I had some. My lips circled the same spot his did! I felt like I was touching his body. I had a flash vision of covering the head of his penis the same way I was sucking on the pop bottle. Since Steven is a year older, I wonder if he has been with anyone. I don't know much about his life anymore.
I said again that I should get home before it gets dark, so we headed back. It was harder going back uphill, but again Steven waited and even walked his bike beside me when it was too steep for me.
When we got to the end of the path he asked me if he could kiss me! Can you believe it? My heart almost stopped. I was so scared. I didn't know what to say. I was glad we were hidden by the trees, because if my mom or any of the neighbors saw us and told my mom, I would be in BIG TROUBLE. I ended up stuttering out a croaky 'ok'. He held my head in his hands and pressed his lips against mine. It felt like what he was doing. The kiss lasted for what must have been five minutes, but felt like hours. He didn't move his mouth around like they do in some movies (thank god...I'm scared I won't know what to do when that happens!).
When he finished kissing me, we walked our bikes the rest of the way home on the sidewalk. My stomach was filled with warm, fluttering butterflies. My mind was a cluttered jumble of thoughts. I managed to ask him something I needed to know: how many girls he had kissed. He said that he had kissed a few chicks during spin the bottle games and truth or dare, but that he had been too busy with his friends lately to have time for girls. He said that he didn't want that anymore, and that he had ditched his friends to spend his time with me.
I feel on top of the world. Steve likes me. And not just likes me, but likes me enough that he chose me over his friends.
I think I like him back!
Wendy
Dear Diary,
My birthday party is today. My mom has invited Grandpa and Grandma Hill, Mama and Papa Prient, my aunts and uncles and a bunch of my cousins. Susie said she would come to save me from them, but she forgot she had a piano recital today. So I'm stuck alone with them. Ugh.
I guess it won't be that bad. Mom's making her special chocolate cake with the vanilla icing and I guess I might get some nice presents.
I'll be nineteen at 6:43pm. I don't look or feel older, but this is supposed to be such a monumental age. I hope it is an exciting year for me. I don't want to waste it, because I'll never be nineteen again.
There's the doorbell...sounds like Aunt Frida. I'd better go.
Wendy
Dear Diary,
The party was ok. Lamest gift: my Grandma got me a Tshirt with a cat on it saying "I'm Purrfect". I had to put it on and act really excited about it.
Best gift: Steve stopped by to wish me a happy birthday. He told my mom he smelled her famous cake from next door and had to come over and get a slice. My Papa asked him if he was my boyfriend and I'm sure my face was as red as a tomato. Steve smiled and said "I wish, she's the prettiest girl on the block." My grandpa chuckled and shook his hand.
After everyone left and mom was cleaning up, Steve and I went to the back patio. I realized I was still wearing my new cat shirt. I must have looked like such a loser! But, Steve looked at it and then at me and said "You know, I think you're purrfect." Then he kissed me again. This time he held one hand on my cheek and one on my waist. I feel so safe in his hands. He opened his mouth a bit as we kissed and it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. He took his time and let me get used to it, nice and slow. I think he is a real gentleman. After we kissed, he kissed the tip of my nose and told me he had to get home to study for his biology test on Monday.
Could I be falling in love with Steve? I don't know what love feels like, but my heart is light and my stomach tenses when I think of him.
Goodnight,
Wendy
Dear Diary,
Last night, as I lay in bed, I couldn't stop thinking about Steve and his hands on me. I love it when he holds me as he kisses me, but I imagined his hands moving all over my body too. First I pictured them rubbing up and down the sides of my stomach, then up to my breasts and rubbing them; molding them. To make it more real I rubbed them myself. Then I imagined him moving his hands down, first over my nightgown and then when I wanted more, I slid them under. I rubbed my hands (Steve's hands!) over the furry outside of my vagina, running my fingers through then tendrils of hair, and then sliding them into the smooth inner layers.
Exploring my vagina got me excited with all the folds and hot spots. I found that it was a hard to move my fingers smoothly, so I built up some saliva in my mouth and spit it into my hand. It felt goopy and slippery, just the thing I was looking for. I rubbed the spit all over my vagina. I made sure every spot was covered. Then I tested various spots to see what felt best. There is a hard bump at the top that makes my vagina tense and clench every time I move my fingers over it. Even nearing it starts to make my insides move. I wanted to feel what was happening in there, so I used one hand to insert a finger into where it was moving. I touched the bump with my right hand and my hole tightened around my finger. It was thrilling. Why have I never done this before?
This was such a new experience that I had to feel it all. I kept the one finger in the hole and tiddled away on the bump. I rubbed it faster and faster, until I felt I was going to lose control. Then I did! My hole gripped hard around my finger and a rush of heat flowed over my body. My vagina got wetter than ever and I had to lay quietly for a moment and take a breather. But I wanted to do it again...and again...and again!