Daddy Issues

I can't tell anyone. I want to tell everyone. I have a boyfriend!

He isn't really a boyfriend. That's why I can't tell anyone. He is older. People would kill me. I think it would be even worse for him. I don't think he would go to jail or anything, I mean, I'm 18 and all. I graduated. I have a job. But still.

I want to tell Tanya. Tanya is my best friend. I love her. I just hate her too. She always has a boy friend, usually a couple. Like every Friday, I was sitting there watching her get ready for a date. She tells me all about him and how beautiful his eyes are or how great his arms are. She always decides before she goes out how far it's going to go. I have to hear it all. I want to tell her how silly she is to be worried about kissing some boy or maybe letting him put his hand up his shirt. I want to tell her what Richard is going to do to me later. I can't though. Richard is her dad.

Last night, Friday, was pretty typical. I waited around for her date to show up. She likes that. She texts me for my report on what I thought. I tell her I liked his eyes or his car. It's always something stupid like that. She asked me what I thought. Tonight I said I liked his hair and pulled my T-shirt up over my head. I pulled my hair out of my ponytail and let it hang over my bare shoulders. He sat and watched me.

He is a good looking man. He is tall and muscular. He's a cop. As long as I have known him he shaved his head and it is smooth and tan. I like the hair on his chest and how some of it is gray. I think he is like 45 but I'm not really sure. I thought he was over 50 and said something one time and he laughed at me. He wears glasses to watch TV. His hands are so much larger than boys' hands. His legs are so much stronger than the boys I watch run around campus. I thought when we started Community College I would meet men. They were really just boys. That's what did it. That's why I seduced him.

I let my bra loose. He always closes his eyes a little when I really start to get naked. We haven't talked about it, really. I think we both know if we talked about it we would stop. I think he wants to stop. I just know that he can't. Standing in front of the TV I pulled my shorts down. I've learned to do it slowly. I do a little turn. I bought a strip tease DVD at blockbuster on clearance. I don't really do a whole dance, just pieces of it. I turned my back to him and tugged at panties. I wanted to get sexy panties, the real ones with lace. I got embarrassed and stuck with the cute little "Pink" ones everyone wears. He doesn't seem to mind.

I think my ass is huge. I know how much bigger it is than Tanya's. My mom is the same way. We are curvy. I will get fat just like her but for now I'm just curvy. I don't think he would like me if I were super skinny like Tanya. I think he likes that I am built like a woman. I bend my knees as I pull my panties down. It's kind of a squat move. Then, when they are at my ankles I straighten my legs and my bare ass goes straight up into the air.

That's the end of my seduction. I go over to the couch and sit beside him. Sometimes I lay with my head in his lap. This time I stretched out with my legs up on the arm. I watch whatever he is watching, a lot of times it's Sports Center. We watch Sports Center a lot and I ask him questions. He always answers. His voice is deep and calm. After a few minutes I rolled over half way and took his hand and put it between my legs. I looked up at him. "Do it slow," and I closed my eyes.

He teased the little hairs around my pussy. It was torment. I loved how it would tickle just a little. Not the squirm away tickle, it was softer and just made me melt. He would run his thick fingers over the edges of me and my legs would just creep open. I ached to feel him inside of me but that wasn't what really felt good. He just knew what he was doing. I took his finger and raised it to my mouth. I sucked it a little and licked it a lot, the same way I would suck his cock. I felt his cock twitching under my head. He was always hard. I guess he wasn't that old. I let go of his wet finger and he put it on me. Just barely inside of me. He knew where my clit was. I had read all about this in Cosmo but had never had a boy try to get to it. He did. He pressed right down on me and moved his finger in little circles. It would make my body twitch. I lied there and let it happen. I looked up at him. He was watching me but looked away. I knew he was embarrassed. I closed my eyes again so he could watch. I imagined him looking at me. I started to imagine him on top of me and they started to hit me.

I had never made myself orgasm. The way he touched me they slammed into me one after another. It was like being on a bumpy road. My body would stiffen right before they started and then shake. He said I made little squeak noises but I had no idea. When I came he would stop moving his fingers and just press his large hand flat against me.

I had a bunch of texts. They were going to a party. There would be lots of guys and beers. She told me I could get laid. I felt snarky and told her something about not fucking little boys. She said something about me dropping 20 pounds and I might be able to. She was drinking. I blew it off. She would apologize in the morning.

I wanted to blow him. I liked to lie on the couch and suck him. He didn't want me to get him off while I sucked him. I wanted desperately to. It meant that we could spend an hour lying on the couch with his cock in my mouth as I teased and licked him. I went to pull him out of his jeans and he stroked my cheek and said not tonight. I asked him if we could go to bed.

He said yes.

It had taken him months to finally give in to intercourse. I hate that word. It doesn't sound anything like what it is. It can be a lot of things. Fucking, humping, making love, but "intercourse" just doesn't say anything. For months we would play around. I would ask him and he would say no. I would climb on his lap and grind my pussy against his cock until I thought he would explode but he resisted. I got him finally. Took advantage of him actually. I felt bad the next day but I got over it.

He followed me up the stairs. I swayed my hips shifting my ass from side to side. I knew how that got it him. Really, all girls need to watch that DVD! Down the hall and into his room I walked, he stayed a step or two behind me. He had three different moods in bed. I was getting good at telling which mood it would be.

That first time was what I would call angry. It's not that he is angry with me, it's just the intensity. It is true fucking. I can make it angry sex when I really want it. If we spend a weekend by the pool and he has had a couple of beers I can flirt him into it. I can make him want it so bad that he takes me. That's what I did to finally get him. Tanya and I were lying out while he did yard work. He had his shirt off and he was tan and sweaty. I just wanted him too badly to let him get away with just fingering me. I would sneak around the corner of the house and flash him my tits. I would rub myself through my bikini and he would try to look away but he couldn't.

When he finished he joined us in the pool. I went inside to get Tanya and me sodas and came out with a bottle of beer. While Tanya floated off at the other end of the pool I worked the beer bottle like a cock. He had three or four before Tanya finally went out. I pretended to leave when she did, then turned the corner and snuck in the back gate. He was sitting by the pool smoking. He hid the fact that he smoked. I stripped out of my clothes and suit and walked in the house and up to his room. He walked in behind me with a look on his face I had never seen before.

He took me hard then rolled me over. He took me from behind. It was crazy. He kissed me like he had never kissed me before. When he finished we just collapsed on his bed and laid there under the fan forever. I knew that face now. Talking dirty I could make him have that face. Sometimes I would call the house and ask for Tanya when I knew she wasn't there. He would listen and I would tell him how bad I needed him to fuck me. I thought about him being stuck at home with that look on his face wanting me.

I will admit. Friday I was mad at Tanya and was in an angry sex kind of mood but I could tell right away he wasn't feeling it. It could still go either way. I would find out when we got in the room.

Sad wasn't my favorite. I knew it would be sad if, when he walked in, he took me in his arms and then kissed me on the forehead. I read a lot about sex. I would find books and read stories on the internet. When it was sad I think you would call him submissive. I could do what I wanted to him. I had read about doms and subs. I hoped some day he would teach me. I read about being dominated and hoped some day he would tie me to the bed and make me a "slut." This wasn't like that. I would kiss him and he would just lie back in the bed. I would get on top of him and ride him long and slowly. He would press his eyes closed as long as he could. He couldn't resist looking at me though. I would lean back and just let him. I could put on a little show. I would press my tits together and he would watch me come. Sometimes I would be there for an hour before he would finally come for me.

I would worry when it was sad that it would be the last time. I didn't know what he was thinking so I could only guess. I would lie in bed with him after and let him hold me. Sometimes he would fall to sleep with me in his arms and I would lie there and fantasize about every night being like this. Usually though before he would dose he would get out of bed. He would tell me I had to go. He would kiss my forehead again and I would have to go home wondering if it was over.

I didn't always go home. Long before there was anything with Richard I would stay at Tanya's house for days at a time. Before Tanya's mom left she was more of a mom to me than my mother. Family secret, my mother is addicted to pain killers and vodka. She always has been. I don't think I will ever drink. Tanya steals Richard's beer and he knows. He asked me once if I did. I told him no and he knew better than to wonder why not. I think it's important that he knows I'm not drunk when we go to bed, I'm just guessing.

So yeah, I don't always go home but if it is sad, I usually do. Sometimes I will sleep in Tanya's room. She will come home from a date and find me sleeping in her bed. She will crawl in next to me and tell me about her date. I will smile to myself.

When Tanya's mom left it was hard on her. It was just before her senior year. Her mom had been having an affair, for years. She betrayed Richard and Tanya. They had love for her that I didn't have. I think I was angrier than they were. I stayed here more often after that. I would tell Tanya that her father was like my father and she was like my sister. I never thought that though. I liked Richard different than that. I don't think he knew.

Back to last night, I get distracted. I stepped into his room and he took me in his arms. It wasn't sad, it was sweet. I liked sweet. Sweet made me feel things. I know I am just a silly young girl but when he took me in his arms and looked down at me with his light gray eyes I gave myself to him fully. He kissed me deeply our bodies pressed together. I loved the warmth of him, the size of him. I felt safe like I had never felt before. He would kiss me for a long time. He would pick me up and carry me to the bed. I'm not some little thing, a boy couldn't do that.

His mouth moved down my body. I held his head against me when I liked where his lips and tongue were. I stroked his bald head as he sucked at my tits and warmed me up. He kissed my belly. I felt the same tickle at my lips and then his tongue on me.

Tanya once told me about the boy that wanted to lick her. I giggled.

I relaxed totally and his tongue and lips, his fingers and thumb moved around me, moved inside of me. He had total control. He would get me so close I could feel it starting and then he would change it up. He could make me grunt uncontrollably. I think it was a game to him. He put his finger inside of me and then took my little clit into his mouth. He pressed his tongue against me and held me against his teeth and then I knew it was coming. His finger moved. He didn't fuck me with his finger; he just moved it inside of me. I came so hard. My legs tensed to tight they ached. I gripped at the sheets and he kept going. I wanted him to stop but, fuck; I didn't want him to stop.

He let me calm down and catch my breath. He occupied himself with my body. In my mind, I called this making love. He touched and caressed me everywhere. He would lick and touch me. He would nibble at my shoulders. I laid with my arms spread and let him have me. I felt his teeth on my arms and legs. He let me recover and when I was ready for him I would simply put my hands on his back and he would move on top of me.

He entered me slowly. I felt every bit of him slide into me. I try not to say love except when I talk about his cock. I have told him I love his cock. My pussy loves his cock. My body loves his cock. He goes slow and deep. I press my hips up to meet him. I looked into his eyes and he looked back at me. He smiled at me and I kissed him. I gripped him around the neck. He was so strong I couldn't pull him down on me. He would straighten his arms and I would be pulling myself off the bed to kiss him. With our lips locked he took me. He would go faster and harder forever. It felt like forever. I wanted him in me forever.

I came differently with him inside of me. It didn't have the earth shaking intensity he would get with his mouth. It started slowly and then just hit me again and again with each thrust. Sweet nights were different. Sweet nights he would finish inside of me. He would fill me with his hot man load. Sorry, but that's what I think of it as. I think of it as a big fat ball of gooey him. I love to feel it inside me; I love to feel him sliding inside of my wet pussy smearing his load in me. I know this is totally dirty but I just fucking love it... deal.

Sweet nights are different. We will do it again. Maybe I will be on top. Maybe he will be on top again. We don't really think about it. If I am lucky he will do me doggie style. Not the first time. The first time I want him on top, maybe the second though.

If it's hot I can talk him into a swim. We sneak naked out to the pool and skinny dip in the dark. There is always lots of kissing.

Sweet nights I almost always stay. When he is finally done I slip out of bed and lock the door. I climb back in beside him. I fall to sleep first. He tells me I snore. Tanya has to knock on the door when she gets home to let him know. She will text me something disgusting and I have to make sure my phone is on vibrate.

On sweet nights I want to tell him I love him. When he is asleep I do. He's even told me it back, but he was asleep.

You don't have to tell me I'm just a little girl being taken advantage of. You don't have to tell me I'm emotionally vulnerable from a broken home. You don't have to tell me I have daddy issues. I know all that.

Tanya is too lazy for school. She fucked around senior year. I hate to think that if she didn't we would be off at State already. My dirty little secret, I could be there on scholarship already. I'm a brain. Haven't gotten a B since Junior High and that was bull shit, I had chicken pox. If Tanya gets in I'm sure I will go off with her.

I think about going off the pill and getting pregnant. Maybe it will happen on its own. That happens sometimes. I read about it.

My dad lives in California. I could run off and go to school a thousand miles away and put all this behind me.

I don't want to think about it. It's easier to just roll him over and fuck him again. I can take his cock in my mouth and suck him awake.