From the Diary of Kristie
February 20th, 2012
Dear Diary,
Now, where do I even start to begin? Something has been happening to me and I don't know what. Seemingly, it all started the other day when I was at the rink for hockey practice. In retrospect, I think there has been a shift in play for quite some time now. I was skating hard, doing my drills when I heard loud exuberant cheering from the stands. Looking up, I saw my boyfriend standing there but the noise wasn't coming from him; it was coming from the beautiful blonde bouncing next to him clapping her hands and yelling, "Go Kristie!".
Immediately, I recognized Brittni, my best friend. Smiling, I spun on my skates showing off and gave her a wave. Returning my grin, she waved back, as did Josh, my boyfriend, but it wasn't him that was making my heart pound in my chest or the hairs on my arms stand up. I shook my head as if to free myself from a trance and skated away attempting to refocus my attention on my drills.
After practice, I left the dressing room still covered in my sweat, to see Josh and Britt. At least that is what I told myself, really, I was only interested in seeing one of them. In fact, I was surprised to even see Josh in the stands. This was the first time he had ever made it to one of my practices. When I met with them in the lobby, it became clear why he was there as he mumbled something about Britt dragging him along and how he would hug me but I, "was too sweaty". Ignoring him, I turned to Britt with a big smile on my face.
She jumped up and gave me a great big hug winking in Josh's direction saying, "Well... I don't mind. '' I swear my heart lurched in my chest. Startled by the intensity of my emotions towards her, I just tried to play it cool and hugged her back. Focusing her attention on Josh, she pinched my ass while giggling and declared, "I can't believe you can pass up this delicious ass."
Blushing bright red, I looked to Josh and he just shook his head smiling at our antics. To him, it was all a game, but to me I was starting to feel something shift deep within myself. Unable to put a name on it, I have been trying to push it from my mind and carry on as usual. Yet, I couldn't help but feel as though something has changed between Britt and I. Weeks have passed since that moment at the rink and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her.
Today, I went to her gymnastic meet and to my dismay, I could actually feel myself getting wet while I watched her perform her floor routine. A warm glow filled my body and I felt uncomfortably elated. At one point, she did a handstand on the balance beam with her legs spread. I could see her high cut leotard pressed tightly to her crotch and I felt something twitch inside myself. Shifting in my seat, I looked around while the colour rose to my cheeks as if the people around me could possibly know what I was thinking.
The thing is, Brittni has been my best friend for almost 8 year now, ever since I moved to California from Canada at the age of 10. During my first week of school, I was shy and rarely talked to anyone until a blonde girl in my class approached me and introduced herself. We hit it off immediately and became fast friends. Accelerating our connection was the fact our dads worked together and became friends themselves. Our families often spent holidays together and met on the weekends for cookouts. Along with the usual sleepovers, parties and gush sessions over boys; we had the traditional all-American friendship. Until now, now... I am at a loss on how to deal with my new feelings.
After her gymnastic meet today, she jumped in my car as it was prearranged that I would drive her home. She was sweaty from her hard work on the floor doing her routine which did not help my arousal any. I felt like I was going to juice right through my pants as she leaned into me as she often did. I could smell her morning shower mixed with her workout sweat and the scent was intoxicating to me. Just as I felt like I was going to go wild and grab her; she shifted back in her seat and started talking excitedly about our plans for the evening. I managed to calm myself down as she told me that her and her boyfriend, Brad would meet Josh and I at the movies later.
We are going to go see some dumb superhero movie that Josh and Brad are excited about. For me, all I care about is spending time with Britt. I know that we will giggle, to the extreme annoyance of the guys and poke fun at the movie they take so seriously. I also know Britt will ask her usual series of questions during the movie which I will find absolutely adorable. Then I will do what I always do, which is describe the plot of Dirty Dancing no matter what movie we are actually watching, and she will giggle so hard she will lean into me and then... I will feel that tugging on my heart, all over again.
I can't say exactly when my feelings changed but I am having a difficult time passing it off. One time, while I was having sex with Josh, he was behind me thrusting feverishly while I bit down on the pillow. I loved the feeling of him spreading my tight pussy with the exuberant, although unskilled pumping of his seven-inch hard cock. While I was nearing orgasm, suddenly, I thought of her and I imagined it was her behind me instead. In my mind, Britt was wearing a strap on and pounding me out. I could picture the grimace on her pretty face and the bouncing of her firm tits as she exerted more effort just to make me cum harder. Just the thought of her holding tightly to my hips caused me to climax so fast, that, Josh thought he was the world's greatest teenage lover. He still talks about that time, of course, I say nothing and let him think what he wants, but in my mind, I know the truth. Its that truth that has been keeping me up lately as I rub my clit and imagine her running towards me in her gymnastics leotard, jumping in my arms and wrapping her muscular legs around my waist. We kiss and I can practically smell her as I throw my head back on the pillow and grunt my orgasm.
Its funny how much you forget, for the life of me I cannot remember exactly how Josh and I started dating. I have always found him attractive even before I knew him and I saw him in the hallways, tossing his dark head back to laugh as he does. No matter how much things change, it's amazing how much they stay the same. Josh and I's relationship though it has grown to more; it isn't much more. I don't love him, but Britt says that that's because love can make one feel weak and dependent. Those are two feelings that I vehemently hate. So, am I incapable of love? I doubt it. What is most probable is that Josh doesn't drive me to the point of giving up for love. Make sense? To me it does. He doesn't make me feel passion to the breaking point, haha, well he does in some ways but that is a different kind of passion.
Britt does though, she makes me want to give up everything and I cannot parse these new feelings. Am I gay? Does it matter? You hear it all the time... love is love... So, all that considered, no matter what the labels are, gay, straight or bi... Am I in love with my best friend? And if I love Brittni, then what the fuck do I do about it?
Well... it's getting close to suppertime and I need to quit writing now as it's time to get ready to go out to the movies tonight.
February 21st, 2012
Dear Diary,
Holy fucking shit! Oh my God! I cannot believe what happened! So last night was amazing. Everything is suddenly clear to me now. As I have been obsessing over in this diary, I don't know how, but at some point, my friendship with Britt morphed. It has been as though she has taken over my every thought. I have "jerked off" to her more than anyone else, including Josh and he is supposed to be my boyfriend. I am getting ahead of myself here, but I am so excited because Britt and I finally hooked up, and it was the hottest experience I have ever had. Let me start from the beginning.
Last night, Britt and I had a double date with our boyfriends. We were at the theatre and the four of us were sitting in our seats with the guys on the outside while Britt and I sat next to each other in between them. We are such good friends; it is not uncommon for us to periodically hold each other's hands like sisters. With my arm on our shared armrest, she subtly reached over and placed her hand on mine. During that heart palpating moment, Britt began to trace a pattern on the palm of my hand in a tender way. Goosebumps lit up on my arms and I twitched in my seat drawing the gaze of Josh. Luckily, he just shrugged his shoulders and turned his attention back to the movie. As we do, Britt referenced "Dirty Dancing" while leaning towards me, she put her head against my shoulder whispering in my ear with a giggle, "Is this the part where Johnny Castle falls in love with Baby?"
I looked up at the screen as The Avengers seemed to be assembling. Snorting loudly with my laughter, I caught a glare from both Brad and Josh who were absorbed in the action on screen. Normally, this would be the point in the movie where my boredom would creep in, but Britt's hand on my mine kept me thrilled and excited. Leaning into her, I took the opportunity to sneak a whiff of her shampoo and perfume as I whispered in her ear, "Yes, exactly... soon they will start dancing towards each other and the whole world will know their love."
On screen, Iron Man was flying through the sky in some sort of battle as Britt giggled at my joking comment. I was pleasantly startled as to what came next. She slowly moved her hand from my palm, to my disappointment, but soon thereafter her hand ended up on my knee. I wasn't sure if it was by accident, so I tried to get a glimpse of her face out of the corner of my eye. Subtly, she danced two fingers up my thigh. Eyes opened wide, I turned to her and said with extra meaning, "I think this movie could have been a lot shorter if they just let themselves love each other."
"Maybe they weren't sure... or maybe they were too worried about other people," she remarked with a smile and nodded towards her boyfriend Brad.
Our boyfriends simultaneously shushed us, "Will you be quiet?"
Ignoring them, I leaned in and let my lips brush her ear as I tried to whisper discreetly, "They should just do what they want to do and forget about everyone else."
Taking my meaning, she began to slide her hand up my leg further and stopped between my legs. When her middle finger traced the seam of my jeans, I drew in a deep breath and shifted in my seat. I looked at Josh, his eyes were trained on the movie and I said, "Let Britt and I out, we need to go to the bathroom."
"No, I'm goo..." Britt started to say, but then caught my meaningful glance and quickly adjusted her words, "...I'm going to pee myself, shouldn't have got the large diet coke."
Moving quickly, I grabbed her hand and pulled her up with me. We walked hurriedly up the aisle to the lighted exit. Our fingers were intertwined, and my heart was pounding in my chest as my mind kept replaying the last ten minutes. Elation washed over me thinking,
