"Take picture, it'll last longer," she said without looking away from the clothes she was arranging on the rack in front of her.
"Excuse me?" I said defensively even though I knew exactly why she said it. I felt the blood rise in my cheeks. She had caught me staring at her ass.
"If you're going to stand there and stare, you should just take a picture," she repeated. "But if you want my phone number, you should just ask for it."
"I would very much like to have your phone number," I answered, still flustered at being caught staring.
"I'll give it to you," she said, "but you have to promise me you won't text me pictures of your penis. My mother looks at my phone from time to time and it wouldn't go well for you if she found you distributing pornography to a minor since I'm only seventeen."
Her candor was refreshing and though I was initially attracted to her because she had, in my opinion, a perfect ass, I was beginning to sense that I was going to find her attractive on so many more levels.
"Can I ask you a question?" she asked after we exchanged names and numbers.
"Anything," I answered.
"Really?" she asked, feigning surprise. "You're brave enough to answer anything I ask you?"
"May-be," I answered hesitantly.
"Why were you staring at my ass?"
"Because it is absolutely wonderful!" I said with enthusiasm. She was wearing yoga pants that fit like skin and left nothing to the imagination, and though her butt was a little larger than those I was normally entranced by, it stood firm and proud. A pair of tight jeans might give the illusion of a firm derriere; yoga pants told the truth. "I want it."
"You do realize that my ass is attached to the rest of me, right? I come as a package deal. You'll be stuck with all of me."
"If you're trying to discourage me, it won't be that easy," I said.
"Well, it just so happens that I could use a ride home from work tonight. If you spring for McDonalds first, I might let you take pictures of my butt."
"Um. Okay," I answered, somewhat taken aback by her last remark.
"Meet me out front at 5:30."
"It's a date!" I said, grinning like an idiot. It occurred to me that she was completely running the show, but I wasn't complaining. I couldn't have done it better myself.
I was in front of the Buy-Mart at a quarter past five. Savannah was not. I didn't expect her to be, so I wasn't worried. When 5:35 rolled around and she still hadn't shown up I started getting nervous. At 5:40, I was just beginning to get a sinking feeling, thinking I'd been stood up, when I got a text message that she was on her way out and sorry for being late.
Savannah spotted me as soon as she exited the building and I hurried to open the door for her.
"Ooh, a gentleman," she purred.
"I'll probably forget how to do that by the time we get to your house," I quipped.
"That's fine," she said, pushing back a lock of hair. "It's not one of my hang-ups."
"What are your hang-ups?"
"I'm kind of a control freak," she answered. "I get really uncomfortable when I feel like things are out of control—which segues into my next hang-up. I'm kind of clingy. Now that we've started a relationship, I'll be stuck to you like gum on the sole of your shoe. You'll have to give up all your other girlfriends and focus on me." She sprouted a grin to soften the severity of what she had said, but we both understood that she was completely serious.
"So, we're in a relationship and going steady all in the space of five minutes?" I queried, just as a test.
"Isn't it amazing? And if things go the way I hope, we'll be practically married about two hours from now!"
It kind of sounded like she was joking, but I knew that she wasn't. Savannah was all-in already. I considered what that might mean as I drove us to McDonalds. It might mean I would get laid, which was certainly a huge plus for me. At this point in my life, most of my sexual experience involved hand lotion and Kleenex. Everything I knew was gleaned from the men's magazines my father used to leave laying around. But it also might mean my life was over. It sounded like Savannah had no room in my life for other girls—not that there were other girls, so I didn't dwell too long on this point. I decided that it didn't bother me that she was all-in. I could deal with it. And if the relationship became too toxic, there must be fifty ways to leave your lover (thanks, Paul Simon!).
"So, what are your hang-ups—wait. Before you answer, I have to tell you my super most important hang-up. I demand complete and total honesty. So, be honest when you tell me what your hang-ups are.
"Being on time," I shot back because it came so immediately to mind.
"Ouch!" Savannah said. "I'm sorry I was late. I got hung up with a customer."
"I wasn't saying that to scold you. It just popped into my mind."
"Ok. What else?"
"I hate practical jokes."
"Ok. Good to know. What else?"
"I can't think of anything else."
"Do I frighten you?" she asked.
"Huh?" I asked, confused at the question.
"Does my domineering clinginess frighten you or suffocate you?"
"No," I answered honestly, "but it's only been ten minutes."
"Good point," she said, relaxing somewhat. "But tell me if I get to be too much for you. I guess I just need to be needed and wanted and so I can be overwhelming. Or so I've been told."
Her voice trailed off a bit on that last sentence. I guessed that her clinginess had had disastrous consequences for her previous relationships.
"You have a lot of failed relationships?" I asked cautiously.
"This one's looking promising," she said. "But, yeah, I tend to get all wound up only to find that boys think I'm easy and once they find out I won't fuck them, they're gone."
If I was drinking anything, it would have come out my nose at that point. As it was, the only casualty was my hope of getting laid.
"I might fuck you, though." She looked at me and I knew she meant it. Her face backed up her words.
"Why me when none of the others qualified?"
"Because you really like my ass," she answered. "And I want you to have it."
"I hope I know what to do with it," I thought out loud. Oops.
"I hope you don't. That way I can train you."
"I look forward to that," I said as we pulled into McDonalds. I started to pull into a parking space and she stopped me.
"Just do drive through," she said. "I don't want to waste your training time sitting in McDonalds." I changed course and entered the drive through lane. "How do you feel about handcuffs?"
My head snapped in her direction. I wanted to see if she was serious, or just goading me.
"Not for you," she said after seeing my panicked reaction, "for me. I've always wanted to see what it would be like. I think I trust you enough to cuff me and have your way with me."
"Are you for real?" I asked, beginning to think I had crossed into the Twilight Zone.
"What? You don't want to?"
"No. It's not that. I absolutely want to. I just can't believe you're seriously making that offer. We really don't know each other at all." A voice inside my head kept saying, "shut up! Are you trying to talk her out of it, you moron?"
"I know. You're right. We only just met. But I know you want me. I can sense it. And I know that you want to be loved and accepted just like I do. I feel like we have that connection. I know it sounds crazy, but I know that we can be soulmates. You want me. I want you. I want to give myself to you. I hope that you'll give yourself to me too. I know you have walls. That's okay. In time, they'll come down. We'll be so happy together . . . ." Her voice trailed off as she got lost in her own blissful train of thought.
"What do you want for dinner?" I asked. We were next in line for the drive-up.
"Quarter Pounder meal. Coke."
"Want it upsized?"
"Want my butt to get even bigger?"