Once upon a time there was a giant of a man who lived in the far country. One is tempted to call him Big John, because his name was John, but he was in fact called Big Dick, because his was huge.
Big Dick was descended from a line of miners, gold prospectors actually, who had struck it rich in the last generation. Big Dick had been the only child of a cantankerous old man who had written a most unusual will. The old man had, of course, seen Big Dick's claim to fame and had proclaimed it nothing short of prodigious and worthy of the family genetic heritage. The old man had been extra proud of Big Dick, he had awarded the unusual sobriquet to his son John and he had boasted openly (given that they lived in an isolated area) of his son's mammoth equipment.
All of this caused Big Dick to become painfully shy and embarrassed by his organ (as an example, his father used to say that if Big Dick were on a raft naked and his foreskin caught the breeze, he'd be able to sail the seven seas). Big Dick at an early age avoided trips to town with his old man and looked for more gold.
The old man, recognizing that his days were numbered, realized the shortcomings of his son (none of them of course being physical) and decided that in order to get Big Dick to interact with the world, he would be required to use drastic means. He accordingly drafted a will in which he specified that Big Dick needed to get married and have a son before the family fortune would be passed along.
Now Big Dick was no money grubbing young man, but he recognized that a life of leisure was preferable to working in the blazing sun looking for more gold, so he began, prior to his father's death, developing tactics for acquiring a wife. His tactics were modest, as befitted his nature, but his father, once apprised of his son's planned search, advertised the prospects more aggressively.
The father, ever hopeful of success, decided to advertise both the size of the fortune (immense) and the size of the organ (also immense).
Whereas most girls of the area were eager for the former (and their fathers even more so), very few of the girls were eager for the latter.
One night, at a sleepover at Callie Sue McAllister's, several of the girls got to talking and the subject of Big Dick was advanced. The girls, several of whom were experienced in such matters, discussed the physical problems of the alleged size of Big Dick and offered a few suggestions, to the accompaniment of giggles, on how to successfully deploy the said object. The discussion finally devolved into the realization that none of the girls had actually seen Big Dick's organ and maybe there was some exaggeration involved and if there was, by Jove, they were all game to try for his fortuοΌοΌer, his hand.
Callie Sue herself was chosen to lead the expedition for evidence and the very next day she rode to the far country and sought out Big Dick's place and surveyed, inconspicuously, mind you, the surroundings. Callie Sue realized real early that this would be a cinch, since only Big Dick and his father lived there and she discovered as she watched that the two men relieved themselves in a special area behind the house. Callie Sue accordingly sneaked to a tree near the pissing point and waited.