The usual disclaimers apply, any sex portrayed is between adults 18 or older.
Be forewarned, this story is longer than usual, though I've used an actual event as the launching point all characters and places are a figment of my imagination. I've been criticized of late because I will at times use asterisks instead of parentheses, I do this to highlight a thought or phrase instead of creating a sentence. I realize it is not grammatically correct, but it's my story and my style, hopefully you can look past it.
Belle
Sitting in the second row it was easy to see Aunt Letha's picture on the easel next to her coffin, a huge spray of flowers cascading over the top fit her to a T. She had planned her own funeral down to the very songs she wanted sung and the scriptures she wanted used in the message to be given by the pastor. I felt as though she had departed far too early at the age of 81, bone cancer had other ideas. She had one of those *old* names you seldom see any longer. I didn't know her well, in fact none of us nieces and nephews knew her well, she lived four states away, kept to herself and had not once shown up for a family reunion in my lifetime. She was dad's oldest sister and though he spoke of her it was never with affection, he wasn't nasty, his words were generally factual and uncaring.
She had never married, I'm not sure if she ever so much as dated, after teaching English in the same school system for thirty eight years she made the decision to retire at sixty five thinking she'd finally travel the world she had neglected for so long. She made it to Australia, Japan, Argentina, and India before sickness overtook her body, her dreams of seeing the Middle East, all of Europe and Southeast Asia were dampened with one unfortunate doctors visit. She was due to have a hip replaced and had gone in for all the pre-op examinations, her blood samples revealed she was already riddled with cancer.
I had initially gone to see her shortly after hearing of her diagnosis, but found myself visiting every few months minimum, I soon came to realize I was traveling the same path she had traveled her entire life. I was a single woman forty four years of age teaching school and had never been on a date, not an official one, Mike Hess kissed me at an eighth grade party and then told everyone about it, that was the end of boys for me. I didn't want to be alone and at the same time I didn't want the hurt and turmoil I'd seen in so many of my fellow teachers, infidelity, unplanned pregnancies, the constant sexual tension and flirtation between adults who swore to be monogamous, the potential for unwanted drama was everywhere.
A few months before her death Aunt Letha called and asked if I would come visit her while she was still of sound mind. When I arrived she was napping, I made coffee to go along with a few decadent swirling frosted sweet rolls that are supposed to be bad for you, but as auntie said on the phone, *what are they gonna do, kill me*, to which we both laughed. When she woke she talked mostly of her early years and then became silent for a spell, probably three minutes or more before she spoke again.
"There are a few things I want to say to you Belle and I want you to listen without interruption, you can ask anything you want after that."
I set my coffee cup down, hunched forward on my chair and made sure she knew I was listening intently.
"I'm dying more rapidly than I thought Belle, I don't have kids or anyone to leave my belongings to but nieces and nephews, none of whom have ever visited me except you. Therefore, what I have left when I die will be inherited by you, it isn't much but at least I know it will mean something to you and not simply be wasted."
I opened my mouth to speak when she raised her hand, "Shush child, you can talk later. What I'm going to say next is the most important thing I can leave you with. Don't live your life like me any longer Belle, I'm a dried up old lady with no one to hold at night or share a kiss with in the morning. I allowed myself to live within what I thought was a protective shell when in reality, it was a wall, a prison wall I'd built around my heart. If I hadn't been so afraid of life I could have loved and shared my time with a loving man, a few were interested and wanted me to, but I foolishly kept that door closed."
After a short coughing spell and a minute or so with the oxygen mask she continued, "Don't be like me honey, find someone you're comfortable with enough to trust them and then tear down the wall around your heart. I would love to have known what it was like to have a man kiss me passionately, caress my body and yes, make love to me, to fill me with his seed and know I had become a woman in every way. You're still young Belle, don't waste any more time honey, don't die all alone like I am."
I was shocked, perplexed and flabbergasted all at the same time. My saintly aunt just told me to find a man and screw him, well not in those words, but it's what I heard, until I gave it a few minutes thought. That wasn't what she said, she was telling me to let a loving man into my life.
I had moved my chair next to her recliner to hold her hand as I spoke, "But how do I do that auntie? I can't very well put an ad in the paper looking for a man to love me? At my age I don't want any children, don't most men want a family? I've been single for so long I'm not sure I want to share my bathroom or MY BODY with a man, the thought of a man's hands under my dress or up my blouse is foreign to me, I don't know if I could do that."
She pointed her finger at me, "That right there is what I'm talking about sweetheart, those thoughts were my thoughts fifty years ago and look where they got me. I never had a man caress me but I had a roommate in college who kissed me and felt my breasts a few times, it was exciting, invigorating and it made me very aroused, but again, I couldn't go through with allowing myself to love. I'm not telling you to become a lesbian, what I'm saying is that there can be physical pleasure with one you love and trust."
"Aunt Letha I would have no idea what to do or where to look. I have no desire to watch porn and try to figure how it all works, what does a forty four year old woman do to learn such things without making a fool of herself?"
Squeezing my hand she smiled, "If you have a close woman friend who is happily married talk with her, she'll tell you what to expect and how to be intimate with a man, and if you are willing to simply listen you may not be embarrassed by all she tells you. I've been told time and again the marriage bed can be very exciting. Did you know humans and dolphins are the only two species who enjoy sex for pleasure? For the rest it's simply breeding."
The day of the funeral I don't think I heard a word the young minister said while he spoke of Aunt Letha, my mind was replaying her words to me as though those thoughts were on a continuous loop in my head. I determined at the moment I was going to take her words to heart and actually do something to make sure I didn't die as she so aptly put it, *a dried up old lady* with no one to hold at night or kiss good morning. The funeral was on a Tuesday, the family met at the lawyers Wednesday afternoon, I found it interesting that not one of them had ever visited when she was alive yet here they were for the scraps once she was dead.
Let me assure you it did not go well, there was much of what the Bible describes as, *wailing and gnashing of teeth*. The lawyer kept it all in order and when it was finished not one person would talk with me, which was okay, considering they all lived on the west coast and me in the Midwest they didn't talk with me anyway. She bequeathed to me her house, car, life insurance and what she had saved for decades as her retirement account, as she said it wasn't a ton of money but when all was said and done I had an additional three hundred and eighty seven thousand dollars to put in my retirement fund. I didn't need the schools pissy little three percent match to my 401-K contributions any longer, in fact, with the inheritance there was well over a million in there already, I could stop contributing altogether if I wanted to.
With it being July I was on summer break, my closest friend in all the world was Chelsea Gregory, the school librarian, we'd been hired within six months of each other and were about to celebrate twenty two years at the same school. She had what I considered a solid marriage to a marvelous man with three kids. He was always kind, considerate, he seemed to dote over her and certainly showed his affection for her. I knew they had disagreements but as she said to me years ago, "we've learned to disagree without being disagreeable, we can still be in love and not like each other at a given moment."
The exact words in that conversation still bring a smile to my lips, "Tom has wanted to kill me a few times but he's never wanted to divorce me."
I called and asked if she was up for a cup of coffee and some conversation, she told me to stop in after ten because two of the kids had swimming lessons, I showed up at eleven with a fresh pizza and 2 liter bottle of her favorite soft drink. Following lunch we cleared the table and stacked the dishes to wash later, the kids found their way outside and into the neighbo'rs yard to play. Chelsea sat back and asked.
"What's up Belle, you look like you have a lot on your mind?"
I shared with her all that auntie had told me and then got red in the face. I had no idea if she was going to tell me I was off my rocker or find a way to tell me why I should let a man into my life. She looked around a little, stared at the ceiling a few seconds and sat with her serious face pondering before she spoke.
"Technically I agree with your aunt, the first step is to let a man love and care for you, but it takes work, we've been programmed from puberty on that the only thing guys want is to get in our pants and once they've done that they discard us. And there are some like that, but there are far more that simply want to be with us, to show affection and receive the same in kind, it isn't all about sex in a loving relationship ... although it's a lot of fun when it is, Tom says the worst sex we've ever had was wonderful."
Shifting in her seat so she was looking directly at me, "When the right one comes along you'll know it, I'd venture to say there have been a few through the years who would have died for you, but you weren't looking and never saw them. You must first make yourself available and I'm not talking about looking like a slut, I'm talking about lowering your defenses enough to enjoy a man's presence while still being cautious. Being open enough to let him win your heart."
That part I could see, it was the sex part that bothered me, "What about having his hands on your body, isn't that repulsive?"
She laughed softly, "Let's play a game, go along with it and I think it will begin to answer your question. Imagine lying in bed with a pair of strong arms encircling your body, his lips softly and delicately press into yours, imagine your lips melting together, so out of breath from the headiness of the kiss you feel almost dizzy. Now imagine his hand slides up your side and gently cups your breast which he then squeezes lightly and molds into a protruding cone drawing his hand outward until his fingers find and roll the nipple into hardness before he pinches it softly.
