I was at a party, and it really wasn't my place. But still, something inside me kept telling me I should be there.
I tended to stick to myself. I honestly thrived in my own company. But I also realized that I did need to get out, meet people, learn to interact with my so-called peers. And so there I was. At an open house party. For once.
I lived in a dead-end hole in the ground kid of place, inhabited by a mere 2000 souls, at the end of a pair of railroad tracks that hauled the ore mined in the mountains the hell out of there.
There were just enough other people my age to support two classes worth of teens from my year. Just barely. Had there been a handful fewer of us, the school would have settled for one class instead.
And my plan was to graduate later this same spring, and get the fuck out of there as soon as I could. Because there was nothing for me there. But that's a different story. For now, I was there, at someone's open house, because their parents were out of town. And I had decided to get my ass out of my fortress of solitude and act like someone my age was expected to for once.
I had a bottle of moonshine my brother had helped provide for me. Strong stuff, hard stuff, but still good stuff. It wasn't foul tasting, and mixed about one part to four with some fruity soda, it went down. It had managed to get me a nice buzz, and it had me bordering on being proper drunk.
I fluttered around, talking to the people I knew. Although I enjoyed my own company, I still had classmates, and other friends from school. Stockholm syndrome, I believe it is called. Or something like that. When you keep people locked up with one another, they eventually start to sympathize with one another, and form friendships. But I still felt I stuck out like a sore thumb compared to all the others. The popular kids. I wasn't exactly one of them, and I knew it.
Don't get me wrong. I wasn't an entirely miserable guy. I wasn't a shut-in. I was just out of place there. Maybe I was a bit of a pretentious fuck, maybe I still am, but I rather liked talking about bigger things than gossip, which seemed to be the main interest of the girls. Who fancied whom, and what someone had heard that someone had done with someone else. Or for the guys, talk of dirtbikes and quads, and what car to eventually get once they got their licence, once they saved up some money, and so on. And sometimes a pair of tits would be mentionable enough to pull the conversation away from things with motors. No thought spared for the proprietor of said tits, the person didn't matter. Just a round table debate on whether or not so-and-so had a pair of tits that were "splendid" or just "good enough to do".
The humdrum of conversation, as well as the thumping bass of the stereo made me realize I needed some fresh air. So I took to the porch instead.
Leaning against the banister, twirling the drink idly in my glass and having a sip, and breathing a sigh of relief.
"Wow... someone who's out here for other reasons than to smoke?" The voice came from the wicker love-seat sofa over in the corner.
"Yeah. I kinda just needed a breath of air. And some quiet."
I glanced over, to see Hannah. I kinda knew who she was. Vaguely. She was a year older than me. Graduated last year, went to college for one term, and then ended up back here over winter break. She played soccer. Aaand that's pretty much all I really knew of her. Our social circles didn't overlap much as far as I knew. This night apparently being the exception.
"You don't smoke?"
"Not that I know of."
"You sure? I can bum you one."
"Eh. Why not? Since you're offering."
I made my way over, still leaning on the banister, but across from the love-seat Hannah occupied. It was not as if I tried to act all cool and aloof. It was just more comfortable.
Or so I told myself.
I accepted the cigarette she offered me, and the lighter. I lit up, and gingerly took the first drag of the it. Usually that tended to leave me coughing and choking, but being drunk it went down a lot easier it seemed.
"Thanks" I muttered, blowing smoke skywards. Or at least into the ceiling over the porch.
And then the silence settled, and felt awkward. Jarring.
Yeah... Did I mention that I suck at small talk.
For seconds, the silence pressed down on us, until Hannah broke it.
"I think this is the first time I've seen you at one of these parties."
I shrugged, gave half a nod. Then I realized that it was a hook, dangling there, inviting me to bite on a try to get more out of that conversation.
"Eeeh... It's not exactly my kind of thing, you know."
"I guess." for a second, the silence descended again, starting to press on us. Then Hannah made another fierce attempt to battle it. "So what is your kind of thing then?"
Put on the spot, my mind raced. What is my thing? The alcohol fortunately intervened, and got my mouth running before my brain got in my way. For once I blurted out stuff, without carefully overthinking.
"Books. The internet. Learning stuff. And trying to figure out my escape-plan from this place."
Hannah laughed. It was a really nice laugh, I noticed. Hearty. Honest. Not a careful little giggle.
"A chaser of knowledge, eh? A smart guy?"
Again the alcohol seemed to have disabled the carefully crafted filter between my brain and my mouth.
"Fuck yeah I'm a smart guy. Why else do you think I am so set on getting out of this so-called town?"
Hannah laughed again. Her laugh was raw, unabashed. A lot like her really. As far as I knew, she was the kind who took no shit. Two years back, a guy had slapped her ass in the classroom. She had broken his nose in return.
She stood up from the love-seat, and joined me over by the banister. She plucked the glass out of my hands, took a sip, and looked me square in the face.