I guess looking back, Badger showed me the way to true happiness and brought me out of the doldrums in such a wonderful and gratifying way I could never imagined after the three disastrous relationships I had with girls.
I was only eighteen but very c0nfused about my sexual leanings
You know how it is, as you reach adulthood changes can be confusing, sometimes it is a real trauma and one automatically goes along with the dating of the opposite sex and everything that goes with that, my pals boasting about how it was first time and how girls could never get enough of him an "it."
Somehow I could never get aroused with a girl and of course not knowing otherwise, I imagined I was abnormal or something when the girls dumped me.
I tried - how I tried, and my last girl, Janice did her thing in an effort to complete a satisfactory union, I did like the kissing, she was good at that and for a while I thought I was getting there, my cock half mast to her French kissing but never enough to get a real manageable erection, never enough to get into her, result was that I left her in the lurch once too often, even though I tried, Janice sucked me off, and did all the things to do with foreplay but I was a complete no -go she complained bitterly and said I must be gay or something.
It was what she said that made me think seriously if I was gay but it was not until about five years later In was able to express and energise my true leanings - and of all places when I was working on my allotment and, having taken an agricultural degree at Exeter university I wanted to spread my wings and do my own thing, experimenting with new types of plants and the like.
This guy who I have written about several times called Badger was in his sixties and he admired the way I organised my plot and we just got talking from there and became close friends.
And when he started asking me to join him for a morning cup of coffee in his allotment shed we became even closer and I realised although he was much older than me I had developed a strong attraction for him.
Was he a father figure image? I don't know - I imagined at first he was having lost my dad at an early age with cancer and having missed him so much, was Badger simply filling in that big gap in my life.
But he clearly thought of me more than a son and when he started to talk about homosexual relationships, how he was bisexual and the rest of it I suddenly realised that the feeling I had developed for this guy was sexual in as much as when, one morning in his shed, he planted his hand firmly on my thighs as we enjoyed coffee, I felt s sensuous tingle down below and I guess my expression clearly showed my pleasure in his touch because he squeezed my thigh a little and moved his hand into the inside of my thigh and I instinctively parted my legs anticipating and hoping he would go further, the feeling of his touch through my jeans feeling so good and wanting.