Chapter 8: Setting Off on a Fantastic Voyage
"Dace?" Her voice was very soft and meek as she snuggled closer to me in the car. We were alone together as we had never been before. We had left the wedding festivities behind and were off on our own as husband and wife, and she had been quiet for several minutes.
"Yes, my darling girl?" I had the impression that she was trembling a little, and waited for her to respond, but she said nothing. "What is it, Babe?" I leaned my head down to her even as I kept my eyes on the road ahead. She just snuggled closer as if somehow she could erase problems by getting closer to me.
"I'm so frightened, Dace! Is there something wrong with me?" It was a pitiable, child-like solicitation. Despite her very beautiful eyes – slightly darkened and lightly tinted for her husband – she was anxious and more than a little afraid of the unknown. As before, when she had nowhere else to turn, she was turning to me, trembling even as she trusted.
"You've never been in love before, have you, Christine?"
"But you said love wasn't a scary thing, right?"
"Yes, that's right, I did; and I am correct. Love is not a scary thing." I knew that would not answer her doubts but it definitely would make her think. I let the silence draw out between us. She was looking up at me now, I could feel her eyes on me, questioning, and I could picture her face, tilted just a touch to the right, and her pretty big brown eyes clear and intense as she tried to follow me.
"What do you think is going to happen now? What is going to happen
to you
? You are mine now, we're married, and you belong to me, body and soul." I made my voice even and monotone, and therewith perhaps a little ominous, and intentionally left out of my statement any words of endearment. There was a long silence and she was still as a little mouse next to me. With my arm around her shoulders, I could feel her reaction. She did not try to pull away, but she was stiff and still, and as I took a turn off onto a quiet side street, I knew she was a little afraid of what was going to be. I pulled up under a long line of trees along a fenced open field and stopped.
When she seemed unable to answer me I tried again, "So, do you know what's going to happen?"
Finally, she looked up at me, tears beginning to fill those pretty eyes, pleading and vulnerable.
"You don't know, do you?"
Slowly, hesitantly, she shook her head, and then dropped her eyes to her lap, in what seemed to me a feeling of utter hopelessness and despair. Well, I figured, that was about as far as I needed to take her to make my point.
"That's what makes you afraid right now, Christine. It's just that you don't know." That did not seem to get through to her.
"Ask yourself this… What am I supposed to do now? He is my husband and I love him, but… what does that mean I have to do? What does it mean that he loves me, what will happen to me? Will he be kind and gentle with me? Do I think he will change now that I belong to him? Will he be rude and possessive and bossy? Will he hurt me?"
She was looking up at me now and I could read it in the expressive look on her face. Fear had been all too prevalent in her life over these last months, and I think I caught her concerns with my words. It seemed to show in her eyes.
"My darling girl, while there is much that you don't know about the future, you may be assured that my love for you is full and rich and enduring… and you will be ever safe in my embrace. I will never hurt you so long as I can in any way keep from it; and as we walk together into our future, you may place your hand in mine," and I laid my own hand in her lap, palm up and open to receive hers, "and you will find delight and fulfillment in our adventures together, and going onward will be more fun and joy than you can now imagine."
She looked at me for a long moment, then down at my hand, studying it carefully and thinking, and then, soft and airy like gossamer on a summer afternoon's breeze, a smile took the place of her doubt and anxiety, her pretty mouth curved upwards at the corners in that special way or hers, and when she looked up at me again her eyes twinkled, and she laid her one hand gently… confidently, in mine.
"Thank you, Dace." Her words were crisp and a little formal, the way I had noted before when she was a little shy and wanted it not to show. "And your armor is shining very brightly today, Sir knight!" She liked to do things like that, play-act a little, in order to say things she felt and could find no other way to express. That also told me that her spirit was rebounding from her fear.
She was relaxing now as her confidence returned, and I drew her across my lap to hold her gently in my arms. As in times past she knew that as a safe haven and a shelter from all around her.
But it was not the same anymore. We both realized it would never be the same, though she had no idea at all what to do with that realization. I pulled her up to me and kissed her… kissed her as a wife, tenderly, gently, but too I could let it be a kiss that would both awaken her passions as a young woman and chase all her doubts away. Her reaction soon told me that it was every bit of that, and more.
Her face was flushed as we broke for air and her expression was just precious; surprised and shy, and aroused and wanting more all at the same time.
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