When she'd finished cleaning the kitchen and had put everything away she could think of she realized they'd be there any minute. She wasn't dressed. She didn't intend to be dressed. The idea she'd be naked in front of them with Cos sparked more humiliation, and her reaction sent the tendril into motion, wild and frenzied. "Oh fuck." She had to stop and catch her breath, finding something in her head to focus on, to make it okay.
A movement outside the kitchen window caught her eye, and then Steph was there, knocking at the back door her eyes widening at Em's nudity, her face reddening.
"Fuckkk, Em," she whispered, looking around. "He's still here, right?" She was holding several bags.
Em nodded, reaching for a couple of them. "Yep," she said it as lightly as she could. She'd gotten over being naked; it was nothing compared to what Steph would bear witness to later. The tendril coiled around her skull.
Fuck fuck fuck. You can't let it.
She knew that wasn't the way, that resisting it was only going to feed it. "Whadya bring?"
Steph set her other bags down and came to help, self-conscious about standing so close to her naked friend, like her nudity would rub off or it was contagious. "All the fixings for potato salad. Just need to mix it up. Oh! There's Caroline!" She waved through the window and turned away to find a bowl.
Or to avoid being next to me.
Emily smiled, looking forward to Caroline's company before the ceremony.
The 'ceremony.'
"Hey hey!" Caroline waked in, an aluminum foil covered platter on her arms. "Mom made a turkey breast last night. Said we could have the leftovers," thoroughly enjoying Em's nudity.
Em embraced her after she set it down, turning her lips to kiss her lightly below the ear. "What does she think we need leftovers
for
?" Slight concern in her voice.
Caroline laughed, her hands softly landing on Em's buns. "Just a couple of us getting together. Something about planning a Bare Naked Ladies' party." Her fingers rubbed lightly. "Aren't you a little underdressed?" She trailed her fingers around Em's waist, sending little shocks up her spine, "or are we overdressed?"
Steph just stared from across the kitchen, blushing, her legs twitching slightly.
Em squirmed from the touch, her skin sensitive, and broke away, smiling and staring into Caroline's eyes. "Until tonight's...ceremony, you're welcome to wear as much or as little as you want." She turned to look at Steph, making sure she was okay. "But at 10, you'll need to be only wearing a robe. The boys too."
Steph had let out a small yelp.
"You okay over there?" Caroline lifted the platter from the table and brought it to a counter. "You recovered from Thursday night?"
Steph shook her head, her face bright pink, her legs looked like she needed to pee.
"Steph?" Em came over, putting her hands on Steph's cheeks, feeling how warm they were. "How strong is it? The glow. It's a glow, right?"
Steph looked at her, nodding, shaking her head. "It's...it's...it's bad, guys. It's really bad. I mean, good-bad. So fucking good, but every time I think about what it's making me do, I..." her face reddened deeper. "Shit. I can't stop thinking about what Robert did to me. Last night. This morning...all day." Her hands stopped cutting potatoes, and she held onto the counter, pressing her waist against it. "Can you smell it?"
Em hadn't thought about it, the fragrance so weak down here compared to what she'd been inhaling all day.
Caroline nodded, inhaling deeply.
"Okay, friends. Let's leave this here for a minute and bring Steph up to speed on my theory." She pointed to the sunroom. "Outside. The picnic bench."
They followed her outside, Steph even more embarrassed at seeing Em naked in her backyard.
"Aren't you...like...?" She waved her hands around.
"What? Nobody can see us here. It's dark under the room; it's so bright out there. Steph!" Emily was getting concerned for her.
Steph looked even more uncomfortable.
"Caroline? Were you able to figure out something...?"
Caroline nodded slowly at Em's question, looking at Steph. "Sort of? Like, I tried doing something based on what you thought might be going on. I still went further than I would have ever expected," she closed her eyes and inhaled, smiling. "But it was never out of control. It comes and goes, though."
Steph glanced between them, her hands moving between her lap and her head. "Fuck!! I just want him to keep doing it to me. Over and over again, I can't stop imagining it! And I'm so
shy
and...
guilty!
Why do I feel so guilty? I just want it to stop but I don't. I really don't. It feels so goddamn good!" Her eyes pleaded with Em. "What is your fucking theory?" She eked out a smile.
Em had been thinking about how to say it as simply as possible. "I think Abby was trying to help her friends with all the shit happening to them back then. Shit that is still going on today, but not necessarily for
us.
Maybe it was a class thing, whatever. I think she wanted to help women with their husbands, with their sexuality, with their ability to be full human beings. But we don't have those same restrictions. At least not as terrible as they had them. Abby's journal entries? Some of those look familiar," Emily smiled ruefully, "but a lot of them are outrageous. We've never been told we were getting too old to marry...
at 16!
"And her pamphlets. She's constantly talking about how to leverage the character and talents of being a woman to improve their lives, to find a way in a world that was so definitely not going to let them be fully who they wanted to be." She waited, watching Steph.
"Okay. I think I get that. So she made some kind of
love
potion? How was that supposed to help? You said Cos can't even smell it."
Em shook her head. "Yeah. No. Not a love potion. A perfume. She made a perfume. Maybe a lot of them. I think a lot of her recipes are perfumes. Maybe she wanted them to wear just a drop every day, to gently remind them of their sexuality, to help them use it in some subtle way so that they could...I don't know...not be so repressed?"
