Chapter 1
Nothing. I came up with absolutely nothing. Leslie wasn't having much luck either. However, the party was still two weeks out.
We had purged old clothing that was either unwanted or no longer wearable a while back. All that was left were things that felt too nice to get rid of, but were dated, or no longer quite fit. We kept those because 'I'll be able to wear this again if I just lose a few!' Still working on that.
I could hear Leslie rummaging through the leftovers, accompanied by a chuckle here and there from the buried memories now excavated.
Was it sentimentality or just an aversion to getting rid of something perfectly good I wondered as I continued looking through some things I had previously loved but was never again going to wear. Leslie either.
I noted that I needed to make another trip to Goodwill. They're always happy to have the donations.
"Do you suppose they'd notice if I didn't come to the party?"
"Chris, it's a couples-only party. Anyway, it'll be fun!"
I continued my rummaging through the basement. "Where are bell-bottom pants when you need them?", I mumbled to myself.
Truth be told, I don't really like Halloween. Sure, Leslie and I love seeing kids dressed up in their costumes and we get a kick out of them coming to the door for candy. But, we don't get the obsession with the macabre, the celebration of gore. Not our thing.
I thought we should head out of town to enjoy Halloween to ourselves. Leslie talked me into staying to see the trick-or-treaters. And then Kris and Mark sent us an invitation.
I don't get many opportunities to express a part of myself. Leslie discovered my kink early on in our relationship and tolerates it fairly well, understanding some of my desires. But, she doesn't embrace or encourage this side of me.
The question 'why this kink?' is a good one and something I have pondered for a very long time though I know that I am nowhere near alone in this fetish. Some wear for the taboo, some to express a feminine side, and some for comfort. All three are true for me. I don't wear them all the time, but wish I could.
Within limits, I like my panties feminine and flirty. Comfort is a must so they should also fit. Importantly, they must be something a woman would find appealing. Panties obviously made for men hold zero appeal. Worse and particularly unappealing to me is the outrageously "sissified" look with rows of ruffles. To each their own, but for me, if a woman wouldn't realistically wear it, neither will I.
In any case, I've picked up many pairs over the years and have some favorites. A camisole and matching tap pant was fun for a short while. But, Leslie was clearly uncomfortable - so that was that.
I'd purged my collection a couple of times, embarrassed by this desire with an internal "what the fuck is wrong with me" running on autoplay, only to start the process again. So many panties I wish I could have back.
Oddly, much of the appeal is that it's taboo - the "what if someone found out" element. While I have no desire to be humiliated I will admit that buying panties at a store is both embarrassing and exciting. Have I fooled the sales clerk into believing I'm the good husband who happily picks up a few things for my wife's convenience? Sure.
Despite my confusion over my fetish and desires, I am generally comfortable in my own skin. I adore my wife as she does me, am attracted to women exclusively, and so consider myself heterosexual.
My favorite activity is making oral love to her. Indeed, it would be fair to say I have an oral fixation in that regard. The sight of her, her fragrance and taste, and caressing her with my lips and tongue are intoxicating. Strange as it may seem, I almost prefer giving to receiving. Almost.
Unfortunately, age and work balance challenges have diminished the frequency of what was once a robust sex life for both of us. I still have a healthy desire, but less of an outlet. At the same time, I also had a growing curiosity.
Is this curiosity related to my fetish? I would be hard-pressed to fully convince anyone that there is zero correlation between a desire to try sucking cock and wearing women's panties - both more traditionally feminine elements in a heterosexual relationship. I have denied that correlation for years, but I am not sure it was plausible to do so.
It's odd. I don't find men remotely attractive. I've never seen a picture of a man and thought him "hot" even when I can recognize him as handsome. I have zero attraction to men and am uncomfortable with the thought of being physically intimate with a man. However, the idea of an isolated cock, with no physique or face to confuse the image, is another thing.
Cocks are, of course, as wonderfully varied as the people to whom they're attached though I've seen enough pictures to know that most are just not that appealing to me. But I've also seen some pictures that have made me salivate at the thought, an odd response since I've never sampled one.
I've thought about it a fair amount. I'm attracted to cock much like my own. Medium sized, balanced proportions, circumcised, well-trimmed, and smooth.
Unfortunately, I'm not one of the estimated one percent of guys lucky enough to be able to fellate themselves. I've certainly tried but couldn't close the two inch gap. So close. And, so frustrating.
I've read stories about "glory holes" in places like adult bookstore video booths to facilitate anonymous oral sex. It was clear from these stories that nearly all of the givers were men. Men who claimed to be married and heterosexual.
It also seemed that there were more men wanting to give than receive. Clearly, they were seeking an experience they couldn't otherwise have. While I love being on the receiving end, it seemed I am far from being the only one curious about giving.
There is a certain appeal in the anonymous nature of a glory hole. There's no face or body. You don't have to worry about cuddling, kissing, or even small talk, all of which are unappealing to me. It's just an isolated cock that can be accepted or rejected. Everybody is there for the same thing with little confusion over purpose. There's no guessing or mystery as to what is wanted, all packaged with little likelihood of judgment or rejection. For those interested in sucking a cock without complication, it's a somewhat logical arrangement. But not one without serious risks.
I can only imagine the seedy environment of such a place, with the sticky floor from who knows how many previous encounters. Further, I can also imagine that many visitors bring a multitude of health risks and diseases to be shared. Even without these risks, I couldn't imagine going for I am happily married. No thanks.
Like so many men without a realistic way to move from curious to experienced, I figured I would always just have to wonder.
The Halloween party was to be for adult couples only and costumes were required for all. While we haven't been to one before, the invitation was from new friends and a bit of harmless fun seemed assured.
We were running out of time and no suitable costumes from our old clothes were presenting themselves. We talked about togas made from bedsheets but eventually decided to look for something to purchase.
Sadly, the Velma and Daphne kits were all gone. I looked at a Wonder Woman costume, but it seemed too risky. I considered a cheerleader outfit but settled on a sexy Oktoberfest beer maiden costume. Feminine and fun, and certainly pushing the envelope, but I thought I could pull it off.
It was a nice quality costume which included a colorful and authentic looking German dirndl dress that fell mid-thigh, with delicate white lace trim to accent, a corset to give me some curves and cleavage, and a white barmaid blouse, with off-the-shoulder sleeves. I went all in with a petticoat to give some "flounce" to my skirt, a wig with long braided pigtails, and the requisite garter to hold my white stockings with bows on them mid-thigh, coming in just below the hem of my skirt.
Underneath, I was able to wear some of my favorite panties - I donned a polka dot string bikini, just to be scandalous. And why not? Panties are private, it was Halloween - time to live a little bit of my other side!
Though I didn't expect people to look at me and wonder about my gender, I wanted to be both attractive and realistically dressed in the costume, not present myself as some outrageous caricature of femininity.
My wife wasn't thrilled, but she took it in stride and understood the undercurrents at play. She even helped me with some makeup. Not too much - just enough for fun. A few freckles on my cheeks, some light lipstick, etc. I wasn't passable, but I certainly presented as more feminine than masculine when done, and thought I looked pretty in the mirror, which was important to me. Though I don't really know why, I liked being 'pretty.'
For her part, my wife went in lederhosen so we could play off the role reversal.
We arrived at the party around 8:00 - after most trick-or-treaters were home sorting through their candy haul. We helped ourselves to some drinks and started to mingle. Over time, we became separated as we each chatted with mostly new acquaintances.
I enjoyed the considerable attention my costume garnered helped by the fact that I didn't know the vast majority of people there. More than a few women (and even a few well-lubricated men) saw it as an opportunity to grab my ass, which I didn't mind too much as this was done in Halloween fun though I recognized how wrong it is that women have to deal with men feeling them up for their perverse pleasure.
I was in the kitchen getting some snacks when Charlene, a close friend of ours, pulled me aside and said "oh my god, I love your costume, Chris!"
She looked me up and down several times, at my makeup, the intricate details of my costume, and noted "it's perfect and, well, you look great! I mean, really great!"
Pulling me aside and lowering her voice just for me, she asked, "panties?", with a hopeful smile. I tilted my head in confusion at the question so she asked more directly, "are you wearing panties? Please tell me you're wearing panties!"
As Charlene is a good and close friend, all I could honestly do was smile sheepishly and nod yes.
