"Andrew, I have a little job for you."
Fear inspiring words those, especially when coming from your mother.
"Yes?" I said, drawing the word out to let her know I was both reluctant and suspicious.
"Don't worry," mother said cheerfully. "It's right up your alley. It's about computers.
"Go on," I said, feeling even more dubious about it.
"Muriel's daughter, you remember Natalie, such a sweet girl. She's in college now and doing quite well. Quite a bright young thing. She just needs a minor bit of help about computers. I told Muriel you'd be only too pleased to assist her. You know all about computers and can tell her everything she needs to know."
"Natalie," I said thoughtfully. "Ah, the Natalie I remember, while as you say, quite bright in some areas, was what I would call technically challenged. I mean, she needed instructions on how to open a door. Anything more intricate than a door handle was foreign territory to her."
"That's a bit unfair," mother said huffily. "That door handle was a tricky one. Anyway, she has to write an assignment on how computers operate and I promised Muriel you'd help."
I wanted to ask what was tricky about turning a knob properly but thought it wiser not to. It appeared that I was going to be giving Natalie a hand no matter what I said.
"OK. When can I expect her? How old is she now? Do I prepare material for a middle grade or a senior?"
"Nearly nineteen, now. Um, I've arranged for you to drop by Muriel's place Saturday afternoon about two."
Why, thank you, mother. I do enjoy my Saturdays being scheduled for me. It's not as though I would be using them for my own purposes.
So at two o'clock on a Saturday afternoon I was knocking on Muriel's door so I could advise Natalie about computers.
"If that's you, Andy, come on in. I'm in the kitchen. If it's not Andy, go away, I'm busy."
The voice was softer and a lot more charming than the booming foghorn I'd heard Muriel use so I was guessing that the speaker was Natalie and she was inviting me in. I entered and wander towards the back of the house where I assumed the kitchen was. I stepped into the kitchen and there was Natalie.
There was a clunk as my jaw dropped and hit the floor. Accompanying the clunk was a choking sound and a thump. The choking sound was caused by me swallowing my tongue. The thump was also me, hitting my chest in the hope that I could restart a heart that had just seized up. If you're thinking I'd just received a shock you'd be right.
Natalie was standing in the middle of the kitchen, facing me, totally and gloriously naked. I mean as bare as a new born babe. She was blonde, which was something I hadn't remembered about her, and a natural blonde at that. This was demonstrated by the cute little arrow that pointed the way to glory. Full breasted I think is the term to describe women like her. Her breasts stood out proudly. Not an over-abundance but certainly enough for any red-blooded man, and my blood was feeling redder by the second.
"I'm sorry you got dragged out like this, Andy," Natalie was saying. "It wasn't my idea, I assure you. My mother and yours got a bee in their respective bonnets just because I was having a few problems with this assignment. Ah, are you all right?"
"Yes, yes, I'm fine," I managed to say. "I was just a bit surprised, is all."
"Why?" she asked and then must have seen my eyes running over her. She looked down at herself and burst out giggling.
"Oh, how silly of me," she giggled. "You must think I'm a right idiot. I completely forgot that with mother out of the house I took the chance to go au natural for a while and I completely forgot to get dressed again. It drives her wild when I run around like this."
"I can't see why," I said cautiously. "I think you look marvellous. No need to get dressed on my behalf."
"Oh, really? Mother always says it would upset anyone who visited. I couldn't see why, myself."
"Don't worry about it," I told her. "Ah, about this assignment. Do you have to write up about the software or the hardware?"
Natalie looked blank. "Um, it's about computers," she said carefully.
Yep. Still technically challenged.
"How about you let me see what the assignment requirements are and then I can explain what I can do to help you meet those requirements?"
"Right," she said. "Come on through."
She brushed past me and wandered off down the hall with me following her swishing bottom as though fastened to it by a leash. She turned into her bedroom, of all places, and sat down at a desk, indicating I should sit next to her. She had a laptop there and she turned it on and found the assignment.
As far as I was concerned it was a nothing assignment. I showed Natalie where to look up the information on her own PC, making her take notes so she could find her way back to those places unaided. I helped her identify just what the various components of the computer were and what they did, again making sure she took notes as she went.
By the time I'd finished she both understood the assignment and knew what to put in it. How well she expressed herself was her problem. Actually doing the assignment for her was another thing entirely. Not my job.