When we left, Sonya and I were roleplaying a witch story. In real life I actually met a woman from a shop called Deja Vu and she actually was a witch. The similarities end there, however.
But what about Sonya? She couldn't really be a witch, could she? Of course not. She is just a hard working young woman I met on a webcam. Isn't she?
In high school I skated through three years of German. All I can remember is one phrase:
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"Du bist so rot wie ein krebs!"
"I am not as red as a crab!" He yells back. Is this a tub? He drifts back into the fantasy. Sonya is speaking. She is telling a story.
But she doesn't know about this story! It is Steve's story.
Or is it?
He sat up, only to have talons push him back sharply. Struggle as he may, the talons are like steel and he cannot move.
The water starts to boil.
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Stu sat up in a cold sweat. What a nightmare!
The girl from Deja Vu was just messing with him about the whole mind reading bit, wasn't she? And what was with crushing his balls? He decided that it would be their last date. She gave him his first blowjob. That was nice. But he still wasn't sure it was worth the pain.
He looked down and took a look under his shorts. He expected his scrotum would be covered in bruises. It wasn't. That was curious. It was still sore.
He readied himself for work. His roommate banged on the door. "Pizza is in. Open up and tell me all about that hottie you dated last night. Did that ridiculous pick up line you used actually come true?"
He opened the door and Larry, his best friend, popped in with a pizza box. Larry was who Stu was going to tell about the marvelous blowjob. While he wasn't afraid of some mind reading zap from across town, he decided not to say anything.
"It was just a nice night. We hung around on The Hill. Say, have you ever heard of a band called The Cranberries?"
"Sounds like something from the 60s. Are you serious? Nothing happened? You didn't even try to cop a feel of those little apples on her chest?"
"You need glasses. They are more the size of pink grapefruit and no, I didn't try to cop a feel. She says she is a romantic, and wants to take things slow. I did get a kiss, however."
"How was that?"
"Wet. And it tasted a bit like bleach."
"Eww, tell her to buy a different mouthwash!"
Stu shrugged and reached for a slice of pizza. Larry slammed the box shut.
"That...is for lying to me. You've been limping around like you've been kicked in the balls. Tell the truth, you banged her so many times you can barely walk this morning."
"Larry, I can't hide anything from you." Stu looked him in the eye. "But all that banging was in my pent up dreams. I'm so blue-balled this morning I can barely walk. I'm happy to show you if you like."
"Get out you loser. No wonder you can't get any. Let her know I'm around when she is done with you being a, what was it? Romantic." He stood up and pretended to give a curtsy.
Stu sighed, let out some gas, and quickly left.
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On the way in, the local station, KBCO, was playing the new song "Lips Like Sugar" by Echo and the Bunnymen. Normally he wouldn't be caught dead listening to anything other than hard rock like Sabbath or Zeppelin, but sometimes, with the windows up, he enjoyed this kind of music. It was more carefree and less serious. Heavy metal was always trying so hard to be so profound. "Lips Like Sugar" was just a catchy diddy, and he was pretty sure it was about what had touched his cock last night.
He decided that maybe he should give Kelli another chance. He still had time to stop off and pick up a small gift before work. Should he give it to her as a way of apologizing?
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"Oh dreadful, are you buying for a woman or your sister?"
Renee had been a fixture behind the makeup counter for years. Homosexuality was still strongly oppressed and discriminated against in 1987, and Boulder was no exception. Renee had been at it so long, however, no one gave him notice. He was also one of the finest makeup artists in town.
"But I thought the shiny stuff was all the rage?"
"Maybe in my bedroom, love, but you have a real woman to contend with. How old is she again?"
"She said she was slightly older than me"
Renee snorted. "So is my grandmother. Let's try this."
As he put on a light burgundy shade, Stu was reminded of how a visit to Renee was always an experience. Today his hair was spiked out like Phyllis Diller. He wore a dress that was distressingly tight. Renee sometimes reminded Stu of Flip Wilson's Geraldine routine. That was probably why he loved him. They had graduated the same year of high school together and Stu was probably Renee's only real friend. Their bond had only grown stronger over the years.
"I'll take it. You are the best Renee."
"Promises, promises. Now go make a woman out of her."
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"Still walking a bit funny I see," Kelli said as he entered the studio. "Oooh presents! Maybe there is hope for you after all."
She had on a Native American shawl but it left a nice view of her talisman glimmering between her breasts. The underlying shirt looked Native American as well.
"We need to work on where your eyes start when you greet a woman."
He stopped staring and turned red. "I am so sorry. I came to apologize for last night and now I've ruined my chance. Please let this pain subside before you do it again."
Her eyes were the lightest blue. It was like looking at a clear blue morning. "That has yet to be decided. Did you pick the shade, or Renee?" She had yet to even open the small gift box.
He looked down. "Renee"
She laughed and lifted up his face. "I'm just teasing you. Stop being so insecure. I would tell you to grow some stones, but I know that is a sore subject right now."
It was his turn to pop open his mouth in surprise. Then they laughed so hard they got crusty looks from the manager across the room trying to sell a young couple a vacation to Cancun.
"Thank you for the gift. You better run along to work. I need this job."