A Christian Wedding Night

"Aaargh! What's that?" cried my wife on our wedding night. Her hand had accidentally brushed against my erection, which in those days was fairly impressive. We were naked together in bed for the first time, with the light off because she would have been too embarrassed for us to see one another's bodies. That question was the last thing I was expecting, and the only reply I could think of was "What do you think it is?"

We were both committed Christians, in a tradition which had negative attitudes towards sex. We had heard more than one preacher say "I never even kissed my wife until we were engaged, and she respected me for it." We felt a little guilty because I had begun kissing her at an earlier stage in our relationship and she had allowed me to do so. While we were engaged, I once touched her breast under her bra, but she pulled my hand away, with the words, "Not until we're married." We never saw each other even partially naked.

We expected to have sex for the first time on our wedding night, but she was rigid with terror at the prospect and after a few attempts at penetration it soon became obvious that it would be impossible. My wife gladly agreed to my suggestion that we should continue the "courting" process for a few days and postpone intercourse until we were ready. Not surprisingly, I could not sleep with my erection unrelieved, and so I said I needed to go to the toilet. Of course, what I actually needed to do in the bathroom was masturbate, to relieve the erection, and that is what I did.

We did not attempt to have sex again for about a week. We kissed and touched each other to some extent, but she covered her breasts with her hands so that I could not touch them. My only advantage was that she could not simultaneously cover both breasts and her vagina, which meant that if I was quick enough I could touch one of them briefly. After these frustrating encounters, each night I went to the bathroom to masturbate.

Eventually, my wife decided that she could not delay sex indefinitely, and she encouraged me to attempt to penetrate her. She guided my erection into the opening of her vagina, but because her whole body was tense, I could only force the tip of my penis inside her. After a few thrusts, I ejaculated. It relieved my erection, but her vaginal muscles gripped the glans of my penis too tightly for it to be a very pleasant experience.

Although I have used the word "forced", I do not, of course, mean that it was rape. My wife did consent - it was her body which resisted, against her will.

I now wish we had heard of KY Jelly, which might have helped, but I do not know if it had been invented then, and maybe my wife would not have agreed to use it even if we had known about it.

We fell into a pattern of sex once a week, but it could never be spontaneous, because my wife said she needed to prepare herself for it mentally. She dreaded those occasions when we did have sex, but she felt guilty about her reluctance and knew it was her duty to let me have what I wanted, however repellant she found it. Her vaginal muscles always went into spasm on these occasions, preventing me from inserting more than the tip of my penis into her vagina.

We almost always did it in the dark. Very rarely she would let me have the light on so that I could see her, but she kept her own eyes firmly closed.

We discovered from experience that in order to conceive, it is not necessary for the penis to be inserted far into the vagina.

As I look back on our "first time" experience, I wish that at least one of us had not been a virgin on our wedding night, so that one of us could have taken a stronger lead from a position of experience. I would advise Christian engaged couples that if you feel it is wrong to have intercourse before marriage, do everything else, including masturbating each other to orgasm. And if your fiancé(e) does not want to do that, then break off the engagement before it is too late, because being married to someone who does not desire you physically will gradually sap your sense of self-worth.