Secrets Ch 51

51

The rest of the afternoon seemed to last forever. My aching was both mental and physical. It seemed I was throbbing inside and out. At least it was Friday. I was no longer in a position to ever really know what was going to be next for me, be it the next day or sometimes the next hour, but at least I felt sure I wouldn't be in office for a couple days.

At last 5:30 arrived and I left the office, as quietly and discreetly as I could. The physical ache had at least eased off somewhat, but I didn't feel quite ready to face Craig again, or even to have to make small talk with anyone. It was though I was wearing a disguise that was hiding the real me, and it was getting too tiring to have to keep up that pretense.

I walked to the parking garage where Jane had told me she had left her car, and it all made sense that her car was so close, since she had come to have a date and have sex in my office. I couldn't stop picturing the two of them together during my whole drive home. I knew the kind of joy that Jane was getting out of taking her pleasure at my expense like this, but I wondered how much Alex was as well. Enough to start spreading rumours, it seemed.

The house was empty when I arrived home. It was a relief to get out of my suit and tie, even if that meant re-dressing in one of my home uniforms. I put on fresh panties as part of it, as my leaking had left a stain in the others. I looked at myself in the mirror once I was dressed. On the whole, I felt so silly and ridiculous still, but there were parts of it that I was starting to appreciate. My legs looked good in the stockings, and the little skirt came somewhat close to making my ass look sort of sexy. I wondered if I could ever really be pretty, or what these men thought of me when they saw me kneeling down in front of them.

I wanted to be sure that Jane would come home to dinner, so I shook myself out of my thoughts and got to work. I got busy in the kitchen and then buzzed around the rest of the ground floor while things were cooking, making sure that everything was neat and tidy and in its place. There was a feeling of peace and warmth inside of me, growing more deep as I worked, and I began to realize that even in anticipation of my efforts making Jane smile, or making her evening just a little bit better, I was happy. I was happy to serve her, and I was happy to be hers. I might be locked in chastity, and I might still have a plug stuffed inside me, but I was happy. This is where, and who, I was supposed to be.

The smile on her face when she did come home and saw me only reassured those feelings. She almost laughed out loud, seeing me in my uniform, as though she'd forgotten that I'd be dressed in such a way. There was this look in her eyes that made me truly feel like I was a plaything for her -- cherished and cared for and wanted, but of course not desired in the same way that she felt for the men whose physical attention she now had access to. I put dinner on the table as she went upstairs quickly to get out of her work clothes.

We had a lovely evening together. We talked and laughed, with me mostly expressing my submission to her through being attentive in little ways. I made sure her wine glass was never empty. She never had to get up to fetch anything that she expressed a desire for. When dinner was finished, she moved into the living room while I cleaned up. When I joined her there afterwards, I sat on the sofa with her, her feet in my lap as I massaged them.

"I noticed that you didn't ask me about Jordan, the intern," she said, turning to me and smiling.

"You said you were going to try to seduce him," I said, even then still feeling that this was a strange conversation for a married couple to be having.

"I did say that," she smiled. "And I did."

"Already?" I asked, surprised for a moment, but then asking myself why I should be.

"Oh yes," she answered, her smile only widening. "He was rather nervous, but then quite enthusiastic."

"You.. you had sex with him?" I asked.

"I did. I had him fuck me in an office boardroom, in just the way he confessed to have been fantasizing about me."

"You liked it too?"

"I did, very much. It was kind of thrilling to know that he'd already been thinking about me that way, and he was so happy when I helped him make one of his dreams come true."

I was so aware, at that moment, of how I was dressed and controlled.

"These men: Jordan and Alex, and the other, they please you better than I did, don't they? I don't mean now, of course, since you've told me that I won't anymore. I mean, they are better than I ever was, aren't they?" I asked, feeling my cheeks burn as I forced out the words.

"Are you feeling a little jealous, honey?"

"No, it's not quite that, Mistress," I answered. "I have just been thinking that I probably wasn't the best at meeting your needs, you know, in bed. I love you, and I loved being with you, but I guess I also know that I'm not the biggest, and I know that other things got in the way of our sex life."

"Other things like your desire to be tied up and dominated?" she asked, but not angrily.

"Yes, things like that too. I know that my kinks got in between us."

"I know it too, in ways that I'm really only understanding more fully every day. But, to answer your original question, yes. Yes, to be honest and frank, the men that I've chosen to be with are more skilled lovers than you were. Most of them are better endowed than you are, even before you were caged. It isn't just their size, though. They are all so excited to get to be with me."

"They all know you are married, don't they?"

"Yes, they do. Some, like Alex, have gotten a taste of what your new role is in our marriage, others know just that I've put a chastity cage on you, and some don't know anything more than the fact that I'm married. Why do you ask?"

"I guess I can't help but wonder what they think about me -- not about me in person, exactly, but about the fact that you have a husband."

"Well, in the case of young Jordan today, I just told him that he didn't have to worry about you. The others, well, I think they might range anywhere from not caring to perhaps quite enjoying that they are taking your place in my bed, so to speak. Just imagine if they knew the truth."

"Yes, Mistress."

"I suppose having your wife step out on you is embarrassing in itself, given that it implies that you can't satisfy her, but your predicament is something more altogether, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is, Mistress."

"If I think they are a better lover than you, I also share that with them. I like that they know that. It makes them feel good."

"Oh god, you do?"

"I certainly do," she smiled. "So, you've been thinking back about our past sex life, have you?"

"I suppose so, yes Mistress."

"What have you been thinking about?"

"I... I was wondering if I am better at doing this than I was at being a normal husband."

"When you say 'doing this' do you mean being a submissive servant, being dressed up and shown off as a sissy, or do you mean servicing men's cocks?" she asked.

"I guess all of it together?"

"I'd try to take them one at a time, but honestly I think the answer to all three is yes," she said. "I think you've found your calling. Not only are you taking better care of the house and of me, but from what I've witnessed, you throw yourself into sucking cock with an intensity that I don't think I felt in the bedroom. I think you do when I've had you go down on me, especially lately, but when we were having sex -- no."

"Thank you for being honest with me," I answered meekly.

"I guess that must be strange for you. To realize now that you're better at making men cum than you are for women?"

"Oh, it feels so embarrassing when you say it like that, Mistress."

My squirming only made her smile wider, and perhaps push even farther.

"It's true though, isn't it? You're a better sissy slut than you were a man. You're a better domestic servant than you were a husband. And you're so much better at sucking cock an getting fucked by men than you ever were trying to pleasure a woman. I kind of wonder if your old girlfriends would agree."

"Oh god..." I moaned, suddenly picturing her asking each and every past lover of mine to comment.

"You feel it though, don't you? That you're a better sissy than you were a man?"

"I guess I do."

"Say it out loud for me."

"I am a better sissy than I was a man, Mistress." I obeyed.

"I know you are. Don't worry. Now that the week is over, you won't have to pretend to be a man until you go back to the office. Not until Tuesday, I suppose. That's three full days for you to be your proper new self -- properly dressed and obedient."

"Thank you, Mistress."

"That reminds me of something, actually. You've been collared and caged and marked as a sissy, so I was thinking that you should also be named as one."

"Named as one, Mistress?"

"Yes. I mean, look at you. It doesn't really make a lot of sense for me, or anyone else for that matter, to be calling you David, does it?"

"I suppose not, Mistress."

"Neither do I. I was thinking of either Daisy or Dolly for you. I like the idea of a nice, pretty, flowery name for you, but in the end I think that Dolly will suit you better, since I know how you like to be played with. So, Dolly it is."

"Thank you, Mistress," I answered, my mind suddenly reeling.

"You will know, when I call you by this name, that I'm talking to the real you. You will know, when others call you Dolly, that they know the truth too, and that you should obey them. This is how you'll introduce yourself during these times, and this is how I hope and trust that you will come to think of yourself. Dolly is your real name, from now on. David will become just what you used to be called, and what those who don't know the real you call you. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mistress. I understand."

"Good girl. What is your name?"

"My name is Dolly, Mistress."

"Very good. That's right. Who loves to obey her Mistress?"

"Dolly loves to obey her Mistress."

"And who loves to suck cock?"

"Dolly loves to suck cock, Mistress."

"Who loves to be fucked by big strong men?"

"Dolly does, Mistress. Dolly loves to be fucked by big strong men, Mistress."

I could see her enjoying herself so much, and with every answer I felt myself squirming and leaking. Having to say these things out loud made them so real.

"Since my Dolly loves those things so much, I'm really going to have to help you find more outlets for such things. As fun as it is to have you find men at your work to blow, we don't want your secrets to spread too widely, do we?"

"No, please not, Mistress," I answered.

"I mean, there is already Alex and now Craig, right there in your office. I could ask more of the men who I know if they would also be interested in helping you out -- but I suspect most of them don't really lean that way. How about you, Dolly? Do you have any ideas?"

It was humiliating to have to suggest men this way -- men who I might want to or get to service with my mouth and ass. Having to brainstorm new outlets for my emasculation and further travel into homosexuality, if that was what this was.

"I suppose there could be Jennifer's husband, Mistress," I answered.

"Very true," she said. "I think we know he'd be interested. I don't recall if I told you, but Jenn said that he'd be interested in fucking me as well. I will also tell you that I know you were probably online having these thoughts as fantasies before you confessed them to me. I know there may well have been men you talked about wanting to service. Maybe now is the time you can make those fantasies real too. So tell me, is there anyone else you think of? Or other places you could look?"

"I... I heard about one place, Mistress," I ventured, wondering if she really meant to offer such a blanket amnesty for all my past exploring.

"What kind of place would that be, Dolly?"

"I think it is like a kind of Gentleman's Club, Mistress. The kind of place that has a private membership for those who know what it really is."

"And what is it really?"

"A club for men who want to be served by submissive men and sissies, Mistress."

"This sounds very intriguing. I'd like you to find what information you can about this place and send it to me later. I'll check it out, to see if it is suitable for you."

"Thank you, Mistress," I said, suddenly nervous again.

I realized, now that she knew so much, that I hated the feeling of hiding the truth.

"Mistress, I have to tell you something," I said.

"Go ahead, Dolly," she said.

"This club. It isn't just a place that I've heard of. I've been there. A man I was talking to online before -- he told me about it, and he sent me there."

"And did you do what you were told when you were there, Dolly? Did you obey those men?"

"I did, Mistress."

The silence terrified me, as I waited for her to say something.

"Dolly, I want you to understand something. I know that you had secrets before this. I know that you had fantasies, and I know that you acted on them. Obviously you had toys to play with, and you probably came to the point at which just playing with toys and imagining these scenarios wasn't enough. I've accepted that, and one of the reasons I have is because I think we both deserve a clean slate. I am glad that you told me the truth about this club. I won't be asking you for a full account of every time you've explored your hunger in ways like this, but I will expect honesty about it when asked. The day you got your collar is a new start. From that point on, I expect honesty and obedience from you -- in fact I will insist on it. I think you will find that I'm now in a position to exact punishments that are more severe than divorce. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Mistress. It is."

"I want to say again that I'm proud of you for telling me about this club. I'm sure you were scared. I'm also sure that you must want to go back there. Is that true?"

"Yes, Mistress. I think it will be a good place for me to be used by men, and for me to pleasure them, Mistress."

"Dolly wants to go there and suck cock and get fucked, doesn't she?"

"Yes, Mistress. Dolly wants to suck cock there and get fucked there, Mistress."

"Then I'm sure we can make that happy for slutty Dolly. You asked me before if I was having better sex with my new lovers than I was with you. In that vein, I want you to understand that your sex life, as Dolly, is also going to improve -- both in quality and quantity. It will be limited, as we've talked about, but I'm confident that you're going to be so much happier as Dolly than you were as David. Your mouth and ass are going to be much better sexual organs than that sad, locked up little cock ever was."

"Yes, Mistress. Thank you, Mistress."

"Now, it's time for bed. I know that it is the weekend, but I think we're going to be busy. I think that we're both going to need to do some shopping, and I think it would be lovely to have Jenn and Ken over as well. It will be fun to entertain, now that you can be even more fully the good girl that I know Dolly can be."

She slid her feet out of my lap and rose up to go upstairs. I had just a couple of little things to do and put away before I joined her. She had chosen a pretty satin outfit for me to sleep in, and she also allowed me to remove the plug while I got changed into it. I'd been wearing it for so long that it left me feeling gaping wide and open for quite some time even after it was out.

I felt the relief of this fresh start, which completely replaced that temporary panic of imagining myself found out for my past sins. There was her firm statement on punishment on record, but despite that all I could think of was her grace, and her somewhat teasing promise to make Dolly's life so much fuller sexually than David's had been. I drifted off to sleep full of wonderful questions about how that might be made true.

I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and full of energy. It was my first full day as Dolly, and I was determined not to let Mistress down. I slipped downstairs while she continued sleeping and made coffee and prepared everything for breakfast, so that she would be able to be eating within minutes. With that ready, I made my way back upstairs. I took a quick shower and then went to Dolly's room, as I now thought of it, to pick out a uniform for the day. I slipped into a classic French maid's outfit, with fishnet stockings. I thought for a moment about re-plugging myself, but I decided that decisions like that were probably not mine to make.

When Jane did arise, she seemed quite happy, both with my outfit and with the breakfast preparations. As she sat and ate her freshly scrambled eggs, she announced her plans for the day.

"I'm so glad that you've kept our house so clean all week," she said. "Of course that means that there really isn't a long list of chores for you to complete on a day like today."

"I suppose not, Mistress," I answered.

"In fact, I was bragging about you to Jenn when I was texting with her to finalize details about a shopping outing with her. With both her and Ken working and playing so hard, they don't have the same situation."

"I suppose not, Mistress."

"But that just gave me a wonderful idea. I've offered her your services, to clean their house, while Jenn and I are out shopping. Isn't that a perfect solution?"

"I guess so, Mistress," I answered.

"You sound less than excited, Dolly. Why is that?"

"Maybe it's silly, Mistress. It is just that I was thinking about what you said yesterday, about being nothing but a sissy until work next week."

"That is still true, Dolly," she said.

"But if I have to leave the house, Mistress...."

"Oh, I think that for a short trip in the car to Jenn's house, travelling as Dolly shouldn't be a problem at all. Do you?"

"Oh god, you want me to go there like this?"

"Of course. That is how Dolly dresses. I can't think of anything more boring than having you be a sissy maid for my friends while dressed as a boring man. Of course you'll dress as Dolly. Who knows, if you do a good enough job, maybe this could be a regular side hustle for you."

"Yes, Mistress," I replied, trying to think about how fast I could get into the car without being seen, and what kind of overcoat I might be able to find to wear over these clothes.

"Good girl. They are ready for us any time now, so why don't you clean up and we can head over. Oh, and if you're not already, get that sissy ass plugged for me. Nothing too big today -- we don't want you too stretched out in case you can convince Ken to fuck you."

I took a deep breath, finished up the last bites of my breakfast, and got to work. Once the kitchen was pristine again, I went upstairs to select a plug and insert it, then returned downstairs. Jane was there waiting. She had me sit down on the little wooden bench we kept in the foyer.

"You'll need proper footwear if we're going out," she said.

She proceeded to help me into a pair of pink patent leather five-inch heels. One little detail of the pair she chose that was impossible to overlook was that the strap that fit around my ankle closed with a little lock. She smiled as she looked up at me and showed me the key before tucking it away into her purse.

I stood up, somewhat unsteadily, and turned to the closet to look for an overcoat.

"Don't be silly," Jane laughed. "It's far too warm for a coat. Come on along. I'll drive."

At least Jane went out first, so I hoped that perhaps she was scouting for onlookers. If she noted any, however, she didn't say. I took a deep breath, kept my eyes down, and rushed out as quickly as I could on my heels. It took only moments for me to get into the passenger seat and close the door, but I still felt my heart pounding as a result of even that brief exposure. Jane took her time to get settled before starting the car and backing out of the driveway.