Rose
I learn to take control
PART 1
My husband worried about taking care of me. When he passed in an auto accident the house was paid off with one policy. Both cars were the same and other policies paid me more than I could ever spend. As a result I was able to remain in our home. After over a year of mourning and at the urging of my grown children I started to volunteer in several areas. At the local grade school I listened to third graders read. I worked in the kitchen at a homeless shelter. Being a gymnast in high school and collage I helped the high school team train. It never dawned on me that I might my taking advantage of. Whenever someone asked I said yes.
When I started to get out I also started to go to lunch with Mathew, the single guy next door. We had always been neighbor friends every since he moved in about ten years ago. He worked from home in some kind of IT job and confessed he was working on the great American novel in his spare time. From time to time I would see lady friends leaving his house in the early morning hours. So I knew he was a healthy man.
One day as I was leaving he was also. We stopped and chatted a bit. He was going out for lunch and so was I. So we went together at a place of his choosing. A month later we did lunch again. Then lunch the following month before it turned into lunch every other week or so. It must have been close to a year and it was lunch every week. One time he would pay and the next time I would pay. Conversation was always pleasant. He was very smart and kept up on what was happening around the world and locally and in other areas. He showed a lot of interest in what I was doing, asking questions and listening.
We were at his favorite sandwich shop sitting in the corner booth. He leaned over and looked me right in the eyes, "You know that we always eat at a place I pick out. Why is that? Do you have some place you'd like to eat at?"
"Well I suppose I might."
"Then why are we here or at any other place I like?"
"I don't know. You suggest and I think your choices are good. I always enjoy where we go."
"Well I've been thinking. Would it be ok if I share my thoughts with you?"
"Of course you may."
"That's what I've been thinking. You always are willing to let others dictate. Do you ever say no? Tell someone that you don't want to do whatever it is they are asking you to do? Do you ever suggest that you want to do something else? Go to another restaurant when we meet for our lunches?"
I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.
"Oh please Rose, I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry I should learn to keep my thoughts to myself some times. Please forgive me."
I recovered quickly and we finished our lunch. Mathew drove us back to our homes and I sat there thinking. He was right, it was possible people took advantage of me. The school teacher would ask me to stay and listen to one more child, which often turned into two or three more kids. If the guy that cleaned the kitchen failed to show I was asked to do it and I would. Somehow I ended up hauling some of the gymnastic equipment to away meets. And yes it was always his restaurants we went to.
That night as I was mindlessly watching the news I was thinking about his conversation and how it was true and what could or should I do about it. I could stop volunteering but I enjoyed most of it. I went to bed and spent a restless night. By morning I knew I was going to change things, starting right now.