Consequences
Eric was still feeling upset as he turned onto the street for their apartment, coming home from his shopping run. He'd stopped at the liquor store first, for something to relax him later that afternoon, and then the gaming store, where he normally went to blow off some time, poking around at different game manuals, magazines, and comics. Normally, he enjoyed strolling around the store, losing himself there, forgetting about the harsher realities of life; but today, it had been different. The visit to the gaming store had been agitating, even embarrassing. The ironic thing, to Eric, was that he'd spent a lot of money there in the past, back when he was working. He had crates filled with comics and magazines in his closet from that very store.
Why should it matter if he was being a little more frugal these days? The comment the manager had hurled at him was humiliating. "This isn't a library," he'd said to him, trying to shame him into buying the magazine he'd been reading. Granted, he'd been there for a few minutes flipping through the pages and maybe a few more reading the one good article he saw, but he hadn't wanted to buy the magazine for a single article. He'd placed it back in the rack after his rebuke, flashed a faux smile at the man, and walked out. He needed to be a little more careful with money was all. Their joint account had much less in it since he'd lost his job and he didn't want Julia getting upset over questionable charges on their credit card bill. It was so damn frustrating. He gritted his teeth as he thought about it. Could he even go back to that store now?
He parked his car on the street, a bit away from their building. It meant walking a little further to the entrance, but Eric felt it was better than parking in the lot, off the ally, in the back of their building. It felt less conspicuous somehow since most of the cars in the back disappeared each morning as people went off to work, including Julia's. Having his car sitting out back, after everybody had gone to work, sitting out there alone, like a sore thumb, virtually proclaiming he was still unemployed, felt awkward at best. Maybe it was a small thing, but it helped him feel better about his situation.
Eric retrieved the paper sack from the back seat of his car as he exited and wrapped his arm around it, concealing it as best he could. Guilt gnawed at his conscience as he began walking to the entrance of the building. Guilt over wasting money on beer, guilt over wasting most of his time everyday in utterly empty pursuits, guilt over being humiliated at the store, guilt over not being a better man overall, it all gnawed at him as he walked on. Looking at the first floor patio across the court, Eric wondered if John, the drunk in the next building over, had started like this, remorseful and guilty, drowning his sorrows with booze, until, one day, the alcohol just took over and he didn't care anymore. Oblivion. It was depressing to even think about it.
Just as Eric's sense of self-pity was starting to peak he spotted Julia's car in the back and stopped dead in his tracks. He just stared at the car for a few moments, his mind perplexed, trying to catch up with the fact that she must of come home early from work. He took a few tiny steps backward as trepidation and worry began displacing his growing sense of self-loathing. She wasn't going to approve of the beer at all if she saw it, Eric reasoned. Hide it back in the car? The idea made him wince. He took a deep breath and tried to think it through, what was happening to him, the drinking, all the gaming. Then he froze.
"Shit."
Eric ran to the building, threw the outer door open, fumbling with his keys as he nervously keyed open the inner security door, and bolted up the stairs in a panic.
The game. He left the damn game running. If Julia saw it...
He keyed their apartment door, panting, fingers trembling, trying to regain some composure. Eric numbly dropped the paper sack as he entered. He took a deep breath, easing it out, then walked slowly, gingerly through the apartment scanning for Julia. Her purse was on the dinning room table with her cellphone resting next to it. She wasn't on the patio but the drapes were wide open. Had she seen his empty beer bottles? Would she care if she had? He slowed his pace as he approached the bedrooms in the back of the apartment. Maybe she wasn't feeling well and had come home to rest. Maybe she was taking a nap in their bed. But she wasn't. Eric's heart sank.
He found Julia sitting in his office, in front of his computer, just staring at the screen, watching the screen saver presenting one image of the game after another to her. It was like she'd found a private, photo album and was flipping through all the pages, with little, hidden secrets leaking out as the computer changed from one image to the next. Julia just sat there, looking at the screen, motionless, except for her red nails which were scratching slowly at the top of the desk like she was in a type of trance. She kept her back to Eric the entire time. The longer he watched her the more unnerving it became.
"You know, I came home early today to share some news with you," Julia said with a slight quaver in her voice, still facing the computer with her back to him. "The key word there... share," she said. "So, can you imagine how I felt finding out today that you've been hiding things from me? Lying to me?" she said, her tone and manner getting louder, more angry as she spoke.
"Juls-"
"Stop!" Julia spat, as she turned around suddenly to face Eric. "You told me you wouldn't game anymore while I was at work earning our money. You have no business playing while I work! You told me you understood that it was disrespectful to me and wrong and you agreed you'd never do it again. So were you just lying to me or you don't care about my feelings or what?! Which is it Eric?"
"Juls... I haven't really-"
"Oh no, do not lie to my face! I've seen your screen saver and I looked at your computer. I know when you took those pictures. I'm not an idiot! You've been playing during the day! While I was working!" she said. "Don't insult my intelligence on top of everything else by denying it."
An awkward silence filled the room. Eric didn't know what to say to her. He wasn't even sure what to say to himself. He looked into Julia's beautiful eyes, remembering when they'd been so full of hope for their future together, so full of love and excitement, but now he saw nothing but anger and hurt and betrayal in them.
Julia reached around behind her to the well worn game guide she'd found earlier and hurled it at Eric, tearing off the cover with a wrenching throw. Eric flinched reflexively as the book hit him in the chest and fell to the floor. It lay there sprawled open at his feet, it's ripped cover landing a couple of feet to the side. "Explain that too while you're at it," she said gesturing to the book. "It looks like you live in that game," she said.
