I suppose I could have used my safe word.
We were going to start trying to get pregnant.
It would have been reasonable to draw a bright line, to build a veritable wall, between our decision to bring a new life into the world, and our still on-going teasing and fantasy play about another man owning my wife's pussy. Especially considering that that other man was my father.
I just wasn't sure I wanted to.
I had no idea how the coming months and years would play out. Once Michelle was carrying our child, she might consciously or unconsciously move away from her desire to play these kinky games with me. Or my paternalistic instincts might kick in and I might lose my compulsion to engage in these weird fantasies.
I was familiar with the whole "Madonna and Whore" complex; the tendency of men to start to see the mother of their children as too "pure" to be the object of their sexual desire. Of course, in many cases, that's when a healthy and suddenly frustrated woman begins to enjoy being the object of
another
man's sexual desire. At least I already knew that
that
could happen.
The following week was another stretch of normal life, punctuated by gentle, pleasurable lovemaking, unaccompanied by any play-by-play on my wife's part. The fact that I was still rubbering up was the only concession to our on-going denial play. She didn't taunt me with it verbally; but it thrilled me that she was still silently playing along with the tease that it would be my father's decision to let me have her without condoms again. Or not.
The truth was, I didn't really see myself actually asking him. I knew that in another
week or so, we were going to go visit him, and attend a tailgate party with his co-workers, at which my wife was going to present herself again as his girlfriend.
Did I really expect my father to look at me and say something like: "I think that's a fine thing, son. I think it's high time you take on the responsibility of raising a child"? And then to place one arm around my precious wife's shoulders, and the other hand on her belly, and add, "But do you really think you deserve to be the one to put it there?"
No, I couldn't see that happening. But picturing the scenario -- which I couldn't help but doing, while in the midst of making love to my wife -- never failed to cause me to erupt into the condom.
Did I really think my father had that kind of bullishness in him?
No, I didn't. But then, I had never really imagined that my father had it in him to take advantage of the opportunity to fuck my wife. In his bed. In my bed. On my back patio, while I watched haplessly through the blinds of the guest room where I was ostensibly taking an afternoon nap. Fucking her before and after learning that I was a cuckold; that I had acquiesced in having my penis locked into a cage so that whenever he and my wife were together, he would be the only one of us allowed to have an erection, or a glorious orgasm, deep inside my wife.
My life was pretty fucked up. But I really didn't think my wife was really, truly, willing to let another man impregnate her. She had never actually acknowledged anything other than the opposite. She had been fucking other men for a couple of years now, and I knew now that we were part of a small but not unheard-of number of couples who played that way. But I still believed her when she told me that, while pregnancy risk was a hot fantasy, that she would never intentionally let another man create a baby inside her.
That, it seemed, was
my
obsession.
***
One evening we ran into our neighbor Diane at the grocery store. Diane was an extremely attractive 40-something divorcee, who had quite obviously expressed her interest in my father at a neighborhood barbeque the last time he had visited.
That evening, it had occurred to me, as well, that she was actually an ideal partner for my dad. Little did she realize, as she had flirted with him that evening, that he was already fucking the pretty younger woman who was remaining near his side, his own daughter-in-law.
Let alone that the next day, he would take her lascivious teenaged daughter on a "date," and ejaculate into the girl's precociously skilled mouth.
My heart pounded as the three of us chatted amiably, thinking that this poor lovely smitten woman was in fact almost as pathetic as I was. Until, as we parted, she innocently offered, "Well, tell your dad I said hi."
"I'll tell him next time I see him," Michelle replied.
I glanced quickly at Diane's face, over to Michelle's in time to see her wink at me, and back to Diane, to see if it had registered on her that my wife had said "next time
I
see him," not "next time
we
see him." The subtle acknowledgment that she saw him more frequently than I did; that she saw him
alone,
* and naked, while underneath him, on a regular basis. It didn't appear that Diane had noticed. But it gave me a weird thrill nonetheless.
***
The following weekend Michelle started her period, right on time. She made a little show of sauntering into the kitchen and handing me her fresh package of next month's birth control pills, to "dispose of properly."
Birth control, she was telling me, was out of her hands. The thought made my cock swell in my pants.
I set them aside. Flushing them down the toilet or the garbage disposal would be an appropriately dramatic gesture; but I knew well enough that Michelle wouldn't approve of adding them to the water supply. I had read about these things before. Maybe I would put bury them in a coffee can full of kitty litter.
Maybe I would take them to my dad's house next weekend and let him do the honors.
Because we were still scheduled to spend next weekend with my father, attending a tailgating party before a college football game with his friends and co-workers. It would be the second time she had appeared at an event on his arm, earning him the admiration and jealousy of his colleagues -- the stunningly attractive, much younger woman that John Donovan had scored. And, no doubt, scored
with.
*
And I would be there as the third wheel, the obedient son, the confirmation that John's new lady friend was not some shameful secret, but that she was in fact the acknowledged new woman in his life.
Then we would go back to his one-bedroom apartment. The three of us. We would have dinner, watch TV, play a board game. And would we then have the talk, let him know that we were going to start trying to have a family?
Who does that? How many couples our age inform their parents that they're going to "start trying," rather than waiting until the pregnancy was safely underway to share the good news?
But then again, with how many couples was the wife already fucking her father-in-law on a regular basis? Let alone, having informed him, and her husband, that the
older man "owned her pussy?"