We took showers and got ready to go to dinner. We were both quiet. We walked down the street to the restaurant. Alice took my hand as we walked. We got seated and chit chatted till we ordered and finally had some privacy.
"So?" Alice said. "How do you feel about this?"
I took a moment before I answered.
"I hadn't thought about doing this. I liked our friendship and the way we got along. I never thought about any sexual relationship with you."
"Really? Why not? Not to be arrogant, but I know I'm attractive and fit. Do you not like me that way?"
"You are really attractive and hot, honestly. But I think I gave up on a sex life after the divorce. It was really rough."
"Why? You're not old or ugly or anything. You could easily meet women."
"After I finally opened up about my desires and the way she used them to hurt me....I just figured that I was better off on my own."
"I know she was angry with you? Did you really hurt you over your desires?"
"Yeah. She was really angry and I get she may have been scared, but she yelled and called me names and was very demeaning."
I was getting upset just remembering those days. Alice reached out and put a hand on my arm.
"Look at me!"
I looked at her.
"You didn't deserve any of that. You didn't deserve to be treated that way. Got it?"
I nodded. She squeezed my arm and gave me a smile. I took a deep breath and smiled back.
Our food came and we enjoyed the meal. We talked about the food and other things and finally relaxed with an after dinner drink.
"Tell me about the cage," Alice said. "How much do you wear it, and why?"
"I liked the idea of playing with denial. I am naturally submissive, I think. And I felt so shitty and degraded during the divorce, the cage made me feel safe. I didn't need to worry about being sexual."
"Didn't you get frustrated? Want to masturbate?"
"I did. And sometimes I took it off. But mostly I just got used to it."
"Go on," Alice said.
"This is hard to talk about. The last time I talked about this it blew up my marriage."
Again, she put her hand on mine and made me look at her.
"Hey, remember what happened a couple hours ago? It's ok to talk about."
I blushed and my chest got tight. I certainly hadn't forgotten what we did in the hotel room, but talking about it over coffee was a different matter.
I took a deep breath and continued.
"I don't want to be demeaned or abused. But I want to be used. And controlled."
Alice didn't say anything and waited for me to continue.
"I want to do what we did earlier."
"Do you want more than that?"
I couldn't look at her. My eyes were on my coffee cup.
"Yes."