I almost dropped my phone when I got the text from Bobby that my diapers arrived while I was chatting with my girlfriends. One of them, Annie, remarked that only my new boyfriend could get me that jumpy, and she was not wrong. The timing worked out since we were about to go our separate ways.
After saying my "Goodbyes" and sending a 'Thanks' to Bobby, I split for his house. I knocked the door, standing on and off my toes to calm down till the door opened and his older sister, Lily, stepped out. She goes to a nearby college, but I did not know she would be home for the weekend.
"Hey, you must be Katy," she said, smiling big to see me. "Bobby told me so much about you. Was he expecting you? He's still out with his friends."
That confused me. Why would he send a text when he was not home to know anything arrived?
"Is this about the pack of diapers that just came?" She asked.
I stared at her, mouth open, shocked she just said that which I realized was a mistake to let on I knew.
"I texted Bobby about them a little while ago," she went on, "did he tell you?"
Stone silent, I saw on her face she fit the pieces together of what happened: she told Bobby about the diapers, so he told me, and now I'm here flushing red, backing away from his porch.
"I-I-I think a got a text from Annie and mistook it for-" I said about to turn away when Lily grabbed my arm.
"It's okay," she told me, her grip slight so I could break out of it, but the ease with which she spoke stopped me. "You did nothing wrong. There's nothing to be ashamed of." She reminded me of my mom after she caught me. "I made some tea. Do you want to come inside?"
I relinquished, believing going away now might make me look suspicious in my first meeting with Bobby's family.
She brought a tray with a pot of tea and cups to the living room, sitting beside me on the couch after she set it down on the table. Lily showed no hesitation to close the distance between us as she handed me the cup. She sipped light, sensing how hot it still was, so she held it in her hand as it cooled.
I focused as much on her as I could to distract from the embarrassing way I acted outside, but as I raised the hot cup to my lips she asked, "You've worn diapers before, haven't you?"
I thought I might choke or burn my tongue attempting not to spit the tea all over the coffee table.
"Are you alright?" She said handing me a napkin, "I'm sorry. It's not anything to be ashamed of, but I know it's very personal."
She rested her hand on my back while I caught my breath and cleared my throat. Her touch felt reassuring, no judgement, and I realized, apart from Bobby, she might be the only one I could really talk to about diapers even if I did not feel ready yet. I wanted to know one thing from her though.
"Do you..." I asked, "think I'm weird, or...a creep?"
"Of course not," she said without hesitation. "You should be happy." She crumpled up the dirty napkin and placed it on the corner of the tray. "Do you like diapers?"
I stared right at her, seeing that warm smile, my guard lowered just a little for me to nod and grin before looking down.
"You're so adorable," she said, pulling my face back up to pinch my cheek.
I then put together how careful she was to choose her words because they made me admit the truth. 'Have you worn diapers?' Everyone has when they were little. She kept referring to me not doing anything wrong or being ashamed despite not saying what, and last, she asked a simple 'yes or no' question to get me to confirm I like diapers. I realized Lily came off as not just charming but clever.
I drank the rest of my tea to hide my revelation yet still feeling admiration for her since she showed no malice about it. She only wanted me to open up to her.
"Your diapers are upstairs in Bobby's room if you want to go get them," she told me taking the tray back to the kitchen.
"Thank you," I said. I stopped halfway up the stairs when I realized she played me yet again to learn the diapers were in fact mine. I shook my head and giggled it off as I headed to Bobby's room.
I first noticed his unmade bed, which did not surprise me at all. The large collection of butterfly displays across from it though caught me off guard. Some showed wings as wide as my thumb while others looked bigger than my hand. So many colors, they painted the wall in reds, oranges and blues. It took me aback, as gorgeous as I thought they were, only upon entering his room did I learn my boyfriend had such an interest.
My gander moved from his wall to the closet where I saw he kept his weights on the floor and a pull-up bar in the closet's frame, giving me an insight of how he kept in shape.
Between the bed and the closet, I found my pack of diapers. I picked it up, letting my hands run over the plastic to get the shape of them underneath. I almost gasped holding them, my ecstatic smile invading my face.
"Do you want to try them on?" Lily asked from the doorway.
I dropped my diapers in surprise acting like I saw a burglar. I worried I might scare her off, but Lily walked into the room and took my hands saying, "I'm sorry, Katy. You just looked so sweet and happy I thought...I might help you." She let go of me. "My bad."
She turned away from me to leave, but by instinct I grabbed her wrist, making a delayed response, "Please, wait. Thanks, Lily, for being so welcoming. It's just...this makes me so happy, yet it's so embarrassing, and...I don't know what I should do."
I let go as she walked around me to the side of Bobby's bed where she sat down and patted the open spot next to her for me to join. She put her arm around me after I came beside her.
"I want you to be able to tell my anything, no matter what it is, knowing I won't judge you, and keep it between us, if that's really what you want," Lily told me.
"I...I do want that," I said, letting out a long sigh. "There's a lot of stuff I'm unsure how to handle, so if I could...if you and I..." I had a hard time putting my wishes into words.
"That's fine," she responded. "No need to spell everything out at once. What's one simple thing you want? Name anything."
She pressed her forehead against mine, alleviating some of the stress I built up. I closed my eyes, facing down and focusing on where she touched me. And despite the anxiety that still raged through me, I dashed over it like hot coals to speak the first desire that popped into my head.
"I want to wear diapers with Bobby," I said.
"Hmm," she responded still holding onto me. "Then you should give him a call and tell him you're in his room, wearing your diaper, waiting for him."
She pulled away to see my face and how I responded.
I looked every which way except her eyes while the images formed in my mind of calling Bobby in my diaper and picturing him walking into his room and seeing me. I nodded in agreement with what Lily proposed.
I never said anything, but she got up and told me, "You better get to it if you want it to happen."
When she stepped toward the door, new questions popped into my head of how to make it work, so I stood without thinking and yelled, "Wait!"
Lily stopped and looked at me, and I lost the words for what I wanted to say.
"I-I..." I repeated till I gained the courage to say what worried me. "...I only put a diaper on once before, and I'm not sure if I did it right, so I wondered...if you might-"
She put her hand up in a 'stop' motion, and said, "Say no more." She took my pack of diapers and opened it, saying, "Can you lie on the floor?"